Cake

‐(tires squealing) ‐(engine revving)

‐(camera shutter clicking) ‐(text message swooshing)

‐(car crashes) ‐(person screams)

‐Hi. ‐Hello.

‐Hey. ‐(chittering)

I'll catch you on the flip side.

‐Hi. ‐Go to hell!

What?

Okay.

Um...hey, Kevin.

What are you doing there, pal?

‐Digging a tunnel to hell. ‐Okay.

Well, what are you doing later?

Hmm, probably still this hell thing.

Right, do you want to get a pizza

with me and Tanya instead?

I probably can't, since I'll be in hell.

Why are you doing this again?

Because a butterfly said to.

Mm.

Hey, butterflies,

which one of you told my friend to go to hell?

Hey, man, that could have been any one of us.

Yeah, everyone can go to hell.

‐Uh‐huh, the world is trash. ‐You know it!

All right, I get it.

You guys are super jaded and hate everything.

Been there. It's not as cool as you think.

Hey, man, we don't hate everything.

‐We like art and flowers. ‐Flowers are beautiful!

And we are cool, super cool!

Yeah, what do you like, video games and weed?

‐Yeah, Halo's basic. ‐(laughter)

Basic?

‐Are you kidding me? ‐Here we go.

‐Get him! ‐Yeah, get him!

Oh, God! Come on! Just stop, all right?

Get him!

Whew!

Huh, this isn't hell.

‐Kevin. ‐Huh?

I'm sorry, do I know you?

I know many people, and I have many, many friends.

Okay, are you telling me this,

or are you telling you this?

Damn, is it that obvious?

Oh, you definitely don't seem like you have friends.

Okay, that's enough.

I had friends once, but people change.

‐They let you down. ‐I hear that.

Someone told me to go to hell today.

And did you kill him?

Uh...no.

You should try killing him next time.

Okay, maybe.

So what are you doing the rest of the day?

Should we keep hanging?

Uh, I don't know. I'm kind of tired.

What?

I mean, ooh, we could play laser tag!

Oh, hell yeah, laser tag is dope!

Ah, fuck, I almost missed free slushy day

at the gas station!

Jesus, fuck, I look like that guy

who died from winning a cigarette‐smoking contest.

Okay, well, uh,

give 'em hell in the midterms or whatever.

Ah, shit!

Did I get too weak to open doors again?

Oh, but the slushies! What do I do?

Hmm.

Okay, okay, what's it gonna be?

Ah, I could go to the doctor. I could go to the gym.

I could, uh‐‐fuck, who's that?

Okay, um, shit, what am I gonna do?

Oh, I'll jump out the window! And then I'll go to the gym!

Ha!

Ha‐ha!

‐Name? ‐Swanson Dendolos.

Huh, says here you're eight years behind

on membership fees.

No, wait, uh, that's a different guy.

I gave the wrong name because I'm, uh‐‐I'm having a stroke.

My name is Jim...Memberton?

It says Jim Memberton died in 2019.

Well, some teenagers burned down heaven,

and now I'm back.

So you died and then heaven burned down

and then you had a stroke?

Yeah, what a day, you know?

Well, you got a free session.

Swan Boy, is that you?

‐I'm sorry, do I know you? ‐It's me, Ryland.

We went to high school together.

It's not ringing any bells, man.

I was voted best body

even though it wasn't a category?

Ah, nothing.

I almost died on the way to prom

because you cut my brakes?

Buddy, I've cut a lot of brakes.

Well, hey, water under the bridge.

Put her there!

Ah, Jesus fucking Christ!

Huh, looks like we've got our work cut out for us.

What are your fitness goals?

I need to be able to open doors

so I can get a free slushy from the gas station.

My man, that is very bleak!

Let's do this!

Aah!

All right, fuck this.

Swan Boy, I never thought I'd say this,

but maybe you're not gym material.

I say, I say! What makes you say that?

You're just too preposterous.

I'm not sure I can do this anymore.

This is bullshit!

You're supposed to be helping me.

And I can't even do that!

My life is a lie.

I see what's going on here.

You're trying to hoard all the slushies for yourself.

I'll kill you!

Fuck you! Die! Die! Die!

I wish I'd never made it to prom!

You were right to cut my brakes!

I would be better off as a cautionary tale!

Hey! Read the sign!

Read my dick!

All right, that's it.

Ooh, I'm gonna love kicking your ass.

‐(shrieks) ‐(grunts)

Swan Boy, you're using the treadmill correctly!

Hey, I am! Wow!

I can do anything I put my mind to

as long as I create a problem to motivate myself.

No, please don't learn that lesson!

Too late, asshole! Ha‐ha, lesson learned!

Okay, but don't lock it in!

I'm locking it!

Hey, I did it. I opened the door.

Ew, how does a slushy go bad?

I won. (slurps)

And nobody helped me.

Oh, hi.

It's me, Ike.

And this is Words with Ike.

You know, I've been in the word game for a long time

and thought I'd defined every word there is to know,

but my team of researchers made an astonishing discovery.

There are indeed more words out there.

And so we got back into action.

We found words as old as time

and some...

As fresh as a spring breeze.

We found beautiful words and ugly words,

clean words and a few dirty ones too.

‐(boing) ‐Ugh.

We found weird words and cool words

and some that might leave you feeling a little jealous.

Wow.

So come, let's take a stroll with Old Lady English

down Lexicon Boulevard.

I hope you brought your parasol,

because the forecast calls for sun

with a chance of Words with Ike.