The Song of Sway Lake

Dearest Charlotte.

You begged me to freeze time.

I'll do anything, even that.

The taste of your skin

fresh from the cool water,

will nourish me through this war,

Until I've frozen time for you.

Your devoted commander.

Dearest Hal.

Can we dance to it?

Every young couple

knows the Eden Sisters' number one hit, "Sway Lake".

But did you know that Sway Lake is a real place,

where now anyone can visit?

Even you!

Named for philanthropist Ulysses Sway,

who purchased it in 1890,

Sway Lake was for many decades

an exclusive retreat for the well-to-do,

escaping the heat of New York City.

Come spy on the piano-playing war hero

Captain Hal Sway,

along with his fetching wife, Charlie,

as they entertain their guests at Crane Point,

which remains in the Sway family to this day!

Cole Porter has stopped by...

So has Dwight Eisenhower!

Why not you?

Hey look, there's their boy Timmy.

Are you going to be a hero like your father, old chap?

Dearest Hal.

Our son said that when words fail, there's music.

When music fails, silence.

Dearest Hal.

Five months after our son's suicide,

our grandson Ollie has decided to return

one last time to the lake that bears our name.

His plan is to steal a valuable

78 record from the house.

The original "Sway Lake" record,

performed and painted shut

by Tweed McKay himself, on our wedding night...

Never to be heard again.

- The cheesy hit version was done by the Eden Sisters.

In '44.

Got rich bleaching other people's songs

for the masses.

- I cannot wait to hear the original version.

Nah, we can't open the record.

It'll lose its value.

We take it and run.

Ollie believes his father

would've wanted him to have it.

For as a music collector,

only Ollie appreciates that a perfect thing

must never be sold at any price,

its seal never broken.

To aid him on his mission,

Ollie's recruited his only comrade.

Hello trees!

Woo!

- A Russian vagabond named Nikolai,

who exaggerates his charm

for whatever audience is before him.

Both the boys are orphans,

both believe the modern world is vulgar,

and both agree that stealing is moral

when it's in the name of love.

The young men have sworn

to complete their mission with loyalty,

honor, and verve.

It's never too late to find the perfect sway,

my dearest departed commander.

Your devoted darling.

Incredible, man.

What a beautiful asset.

You're joking.

I had no idea you were such a rich fucker, my friend.

- It's not mine, it's my grandmother's.

She never comes here anymore.

Hey, what are you doing?

- Hey, you wanna sleep in the street again?

No thanks.

This, you know...

- Hey, hands off the military stuff.

- You know, you really should DJ again.

You're good.

Thank you.

- Your papa never left you a will, no?

- If he did, my grandmother burned it.

She hates clutter.

Where the fuck is this?

It really should've gone to me when he died.

Don't worry, Ollie.

We're going to find that record,

and make your papa proud.

- It's probably just locals fishing on our dock.

You must protect your assets.

Let's fuck with them.

There's something down there!

Who's out there?

Maybe the ghost ate his ass.

What the fuck?

Who are you?

Nik, what are you doing?

This is private property.

Who cares, the owner's dead.

The owner is right here.

Jimmy, let's go.

Stupid fucks.

Don't come back!

So, this is where your papa...?

I'm sorry man.

That girl was hot, right?

Ollie...

This summer is for our pops.

Dinner, honey.

Alright, we start on the east attic,

and then work our way through

until we find this record.

Is this your grandpa?

Commander Hal Sway.

The most decorated officer

in the Pacific Convoy Patrol.

What a stud.

Piano playing captain with his sexy bride.

Paradise.

To Charlotte and Hal.

- This is my dad's 33rd favorite record.

Is this the record?

Listen.

- Backwards!-- - Forward!

Forward!

Stop talking to a fucking squirrel!

It's a chipmunk.

I have to check my asshole,

for glass in my ass.

- Let's go find purple-haired girl.

She's so perfect.

She's not here.

Okay.

Find a new girl.

I have never in my life been turned down,

and neither should you be.

Watch me.

Excuse me, girlies.

Come here please.

Here they come.

You look like Luke Perry.

Thank you.

No.

No.

No!

Where are you going?

- Is this your piece of shit, girls?

Race you back!

Show them the way, Ollie.

Make your move!

- Do you guys know a girl with purple hair?

Isadora?

She's like a lesbo.

Who fucks guys.

This is Memphis Mabel.

She was homeless at 12, a chorus girl at 15,

and ended up as the highest paid singer in...

- Hey Ollie. How's your collection going?

B plus, Dad.

It's the crackle I love.

We can disappear into it.

We're collectors.

Dad...

You happy now?

- Do you understand what makes this

one record perfect?

Dear Charlotte.

Code name greatest day in Eskimo history approaches.

Your devoted commander, Hal.

Excuse me.

Hey, who are you?

I'm Mrs. Sway.

This is my house, who are you?

I'm sorry.

I'm a friend of Oliver.

Oliver's here?

I'd have thought he'd stay away.

Mrs. Sway.