Bonus Track

My castaway this week is a musician and a rock star.

Thanks, Sue-

happy to be here.

Tell me about the first record you want to play.

You get eight - you know this, don't you?

Er, alright. I'm on a desert island,

and my tracks are... I know just the ones.

And now...the moment you've all been waiting for...

Please, put your hands together

for the hottest rising star of 2006.

The one, the only, George Bobbin!

You're a genius.

You're a fucking gaylord.

Hehe! (laughs)

No.

I'm sorry, I don't want a bunch of naked people

writhing all over the living room.

It's a life drawing class, not an orgy.

Only the model gets naked. You've met Toby, honey.

I'd just like you to keep Toby's nuts off our cushions,

if that's not too much to ask, okay?

-Oh, honey... -Julia.

My name is 'Mum'.

I think we need to go home.

Keyboard sounded good tonight, back at home.

Really rocking it.

It's for the Leavers' Talent Show.

They call it a talent show,

but it's actually much more than that.

It's, it's, er...it's a gig.

Takes guts to do something like that, real commitment.

Well, I hope this same can be said of your schoolwork.

Definitely. Big strides.

Yeah, well, there'd better be, George,

because this is it.

Final year, last chance saloon.

Now or never, okay? What?

Honey, don't stress, okay?

It's going to be... -Difficult.

-Maths. -History.

-Chemistry. -Francais.

-Geography. -Doesn't seem to...

...come naturally.

-He's just... -Not a natural athlete.

Clumsy.

Good evening.

Er...Hm. Mr. Zeppelin.

What, like Led Zeppelin?

No.

Right, where to begin?

Well, from our point of view,

George is very enthusiastic about music.

Well, there's certainly plenty of, er, gusto there.

But I think where George and I cross swords, as it were,

is in the classroom.

Because in the classroom,

there's no time for MTV or experimentation.

You see, music is math... but with noise.

That! You see it?

That is George's problem,

and that is why George is on course to fail his Music GCSE.

Christ.

He has played the same jarring sequence

of plinks and plonks

in every single one of my classes this term.

And when I give him something else to play,

he gives me that look.

Okay, well, it's only early in the year,

so surely you can't be saying it's too late.

Don't get me wrong, there is some talent there,

but I urge him to apply himself

in order to meet the challenges of the course!

This is school, George.

It's not a garage band, hm?

Now, while your parents are here,

have you got anything to say for yourself?

Yes. When will you be considering applicants

for the Leavers' Talent Show? Is, is that a...

Oh, er, sorry.

Excuse me. Um, yeah.

There's one more, I'm afraid. It won't take long.

What a big year!

Yep, huge.

Now that I've been made head of Key Stage Three,

I feel it's my duty to take a more forward-looking view,

and to offer careers advice to those like George,

who are in their final year.

Hmm, and, er, what do you think

some good options might be for George,

you know, career-wise,

given that he's failing everything?

Sorry, my husband can be very dramatic.

Well why don't we take a look at George's records, perhaps, yeah?

Um, okay, yeah...

Chu, chu, chu, chu.

Yeah, well, why don't we look at this

a blessing in disguise, perhaps?

You know, I've always felt that there's a great deal

of untapped potential in George,

and maybe we haven't pushed him hard enough to realise it.

You know, you could turn this around. There's time.

Where do you see yourself in...ten years?

Come on. What, what would you say you're passionate about?

Music.

Fab, fab! That's great.

Um, what do you love about music?

Kiss me and stuff George!

Whew!

Well then, another one down.

Some real positives to take away from that, I think.

Be serious. It was a disaster.

Well, I distinctly heard Miss Anderson

refer to your son as having untapped potential.

But you choose to focus on the negatives.

Everything is going to be fine, okay?

Not everyone's cut out for school. You're unique.

Yes, well, 'unique' does not pass exams, Julia.

You don't need exams to get into music.

You just need to be talented and connected.

Connected?

Yeah, honey, it's just...

It's all about who you know.

Oh, who does he know?

Well, he doesn't need to know them now.

God, you're really on one tonight, babe. Just...relax.

This is what happens when we don't got to flamenco.

You get stiff in all the wrong places.

Radio, please?

The latest divorce rumours look to be true,

as Mike and Penelope Marvin stopped playing

midway through their song 'Pillow Fight' to have...

have...well, a fight. -Hm.

The formerly-iconic pair stormed offstage

and cancelled the rest...

I used to have such a thing for Mike Marvin.

How is this news?

George?

Boy?

Boy?

Oh, hey.

-Are you lost? -No, no. I'm just, er...

hanging out.

Right...

Er, yeah, let's get the day started then.

Max, Max!

Are you happy be at this school?

Can we not do this?

How are you feeling?

Um, I don't, I don't want to...

Please, guys, it's my first day at school.

Just a little bit about what's going on for you.

No, come on.

A little bit about what's going on...

No, come on. Just fuck off. Fuck off!

What's the problem?

-Oi. -Sorry.

What's his problem?

No wonder you got kicked out of your last school, mate.

Thank you, all. And thank you, Mr. Zeppelin.

Right...

I have quite an exciting announcement

to make this morning.

Er, some of you may have noticed a new student in our midst.

I'm sure that all of you will have heard of

The Marvins.

And if you haven't, you will certainly recognise

many of their songs, such as 'Silent Eyes', or 'Love Shot',

or, 'Don't, But Don't' 'Don't', and 'Pillow Fight',

to name but a few.

Anyway, um, due to a recent change in circumstance,

Penelope Marvin has moved into the area,

and she has enrolled Max here to finish his final year with us.

Yes, alright. Settle down, please.

Max, we welcome you with warm and supportive arms.

Enjoy your time here at Saint Sebastian's,

and remember, Patet Omnibus Veritas'

'Truth lies open to all.'

(recorder playing laborious melody)

Thank you, Leanne, with the recorder,

very underrated instrument.

Now, I know the theoretical part of the exam

may feel like a bit of a bore.

But once you get into it,

I think you'll find it's actually rather fun.