The Looney Tunes Show

Did you know it's 277 Miles long,

18 Miles wide, and over a mile deep?

I mean, in places. It's not a mile deep everywhere.

Although that looks like a mile.

Did you know recent evident suggests

the Colorado river formed the canyon over...

Maybe they have earplugs in the gift shop.

Ooh! Mini license plates!

Aha! Daniel, Darvin, Doug, Eduardo...

What the--no daffy?

You have 5 Darvins and no daffy? Darvin?

"1,001 grand canyon jokes."

That's about 1,000 more than I thought there were.

I mean, what, did someone just match Darren and Marvin together

and think that that's a clever name?

Well, it's not! It's a stupid name.

Darvin is the world's stupidest name.

Great name.

And the soda.

I left my wallet at home.

Was originally inhabited by native Americans,

some of whom may have considered the grand canyon

to be a holy site.

So, what do you think?

I've seen better.

Let's go see a movie.

Sir, you threw a can of soda into the grand canyon.

That's littering on federal property.

And who are you?

I'm a park ranger. Who are you?

Oh. Uh, Darvin.

Andrew...Son.

You're coming with me.

Wait! Let's be reasonable.

Buddy, if you don't put some pants on,

you're going to be coming with me, too.

I think I saw some at the gift shop.

Let me go, and I'll pay you whatever you want!

Ahh, I forgot my wallet. Bugs! Pay him whatever he wants!

Aren't you going to say something?

"Why is the grand canyon called the grand canyon?"

"Cause he thought gargantuan canyon made him sound fat."

Well? If you don't like that one, I got 1,000 more.

and that's when I saw him throw this empty can of soda into the grand canyon.

It's clear that you are the litterer.

The fine is $50. This court is now adjourned.

Your honor, this is a case built on lies,

stacked on a house of cards

standing on a Mountain of fabricated falsehoods.

I move for immediate dismissal.

You can't do that.

Well, then I'd like to call my first witness.

Would you please state your name for the court?

Porky Pig.

What's the matter? Are you nervous?

I'm not nervous.

You sure sound nervous.

This is what I always sound--

- maybe you're nervous because you're lying.

But I'm not--

- maybe you're lying because you don't want us to know

your true identity.

My--

- and the reason you don't want us to know your true identity

is because you, sir, are the litterer!

And a collective gasp fills the courtroom.

Are we done here?

Are you not wearing pants?

Where's the gift shop?

Please state your name for the court.

Bugs Bunny.

Mr. Bunny, where were you on the night of November 10th?

Uh, I'm not sure,

but didn't this happen in the daytime on June first?

Aha! And how would you know that

if you were not guilty of this heinous crime?

Ladies and gentlemen, here is your litterer.

Daffy, just pay the fine.

- Hostile witness! - Oh, you call this hostile?

This is not hostile.

If you want hostile, I'll give you hostile.

- Objection! - Overruled!

- That's what I say! - What?

- Overruled. - Sustained.

Keep this up, and I'll hold you both in contempt of court.

I apologize for my friend, your highness. Now, if I may.

What do we know? The piece of litter in question?

A can of soda.

So, it would fit that the litterer must like soda.

It may surprise the court to learn

that I, Daffy Duck, despise soda.

Is anyone even listening here?

The point is, I can't possibly be the litterer,

because I don't like soda.

And if the soda gets spit, you must acquit.

Order. You are both held in contempt

and will be placed in jail immediately.

Bailiff, take them away.

What'd I miss?

Name?

- Daffy Duck. - Crime?

Contempt of court.

- Name? - Bugs Bunny.

Crime?

Well, some might say being too good-looking.

Nah, I'm just kidding. Contempt of court.

Oh, no! I'm going to be swimming in this.

Do you have a belt or a sash?

I'm about to meet a ton of new people,

and I'd rather not look like a big, fat traffic cone.

See what I mean? That's a lot of orange.

Not too shabby.

I mean, it could use some accessories--

maybe a few pillows or some scented candles.

I'm thinking this might be a problem.

Eww.

Ehh. A little salty.

But I got to say, it's a pleasure having somebody cook for me.

How can you be so relaxed?

We're in prison! Jail! The big house!

We're up the river! We're down the creek!

We're 2 picks short of a load!

There's no "I" in team! You got to fight for your right to party!

- - Party's over.

What are you scared of? This guy?

I bet he's a Teddy bear.

I'm Bugs, this is daffy. We're in cell 2-r.

Come by anytime. The door's always open.

Well, not technically, but you get the point.

Anywho, would you be a dear and please pass me the ketchup?

Are you serving time for being rude

or because you can't follow directions?

- -

Ehh, so, let me get this straight.

I can insult whomever I please

without fear of bodily harm?

I should have gotten thrown in jail years ago.

It's a smart Alec's paradise!

Say, I like your hair. Did you butcher it yourself?

I'll butcher you!

I don't know where you got your looks,

but I hope you kept the receipt!

- Oh, I'm going to get you! - Hey, buddy,

can I borrow your brain? You're obviously not using it.

- [Grunts. -

You got to get me out of here. I'm not cut out for this place.

Look at me--I can't eat, I can't sleep.

You don't know what it's like being cut off from the outside world.

What year is it? Who's president?

You've only been in here one day.

Well, it's been a very hard day.

Did you know they have a yard here

where you can exercise for free?

Well, before I go,

I made you a cake.

A cake, huh?

Nothing? No crowbar, no shiv?

Who brings a cake to a prisoner

without putting a means of escape inside?

How do you expect us to break out of this place?

Mother. Ooh! Where we going now?

Phew! Excuse me. What's the goal here?

Are we building something, or just making rocks into smaller rocks?

And would it be possible for me to switch places

with that pituitary case over there?

I burn easily.

You'll have to pardon my friend.

The heat's getting to him. He's not used to this.

He's not a hardened criminal like you.

I mean, I shouldn't assume that you're a hardened criminal,

but in my defense, you do have a neanderthal-shaped head,

which I normally equate with stupidity--

uh, not that you're stupid. I just mean that you look stupid.

I don't mean that as an insult.

I mean, some people think stupid to mean cool.

Like, "that's a stupid car," "you've got a stupid apartment."

I should stop talking. I'm just very nervous right now.

I tend to ramble when I'm nervous.

You know what the word ramble means?

You're probably too stupid to know--

and here, I mean stupid-stupid, not stupid-cool.

Aah!

- -

- - Aah!

- -

There's only one thing to do.

Teach that bully a thing or...

- Jump! - Two!