Girls

Don't you get it, Hannah? I am not a person who yells, okay?

I am not a person who freaks out. I'm a chill fucking person,

and you made me go fucking insane.

I'm really sorry.

You're fuckin' sorry?

I've never acted like this before in a relationship, all right? Not once.

I'm a good fuckin' boyfriend.

And you, you just shit all over that.

You shit all over it, and you somehow make me the fuckin' bad guy?

Fran, stop, okay?

You're a dick. A secret dick, to be sure, but you are a dick.

You're very judgmental. You're very moralistic.

You definitely would've sent witches to trial in "The Crucible."

And that might work for some, like, administrative assistant

that you meet in a sports bar, but it doesn't work for me.

Our relationship didn't work out. It sucks.

At this point, it really doesn't matter

who the asshole was or who the asshole wasn't,

so why can't you just take your stuff and go?

You wouldn't know real love if it bit your fuckin' tit off.

- I'm sure you're right. - You said to me, point-blank,

that you had never been in a healthy relationship before.

So how would you even know if this was healthy?

- I wouldn't know. - Maybe, for all you know,

you just said good-bye to the best thing that ever happened to you.

Probably, I did.

You're gonna regret this so fuckin' hard.

Fran, I don't know why you can't just give this up.

You don't even like me.

It does not matter if I don't like you, okay?

I love you.

I would be happy to pay for an Uber

to transport you and your things back to your home.

Oh, fuck.

So, what, you had a sex dream about Ray?

You've had actual sex with Ray, which is way worse.

And I've had sex dreams about everybody I've known, including you.

You raped me.

No, it wasn't a sex dream, it wasn't a love dream.

We weren't even having sex in it. I mean, I still came,

- but it was from something else. - Ugh! Oh, Marnie,

I don't want to hear about this. And you can't come.

I was brushing his hair.

Well, that's a fool's errand if I ever heard one.

He had this long, gorgeous hair.

It was like Khaleesi from "Game of Thrones" except it was raven black,

and I was just brushing it slowly and tenderly

and I was getting him ready for school.

So, he was, like, your daughter?

Yeah, in a sense.

God, I just can't get it out of my mind.

It's like the best thing that's happened to me in months.

That's the most depressing thing I've heard in my entire life.

And you know what? I wish it was real.

What is wrong with me?

Well, your sandals, for starters.

- Shosh? - Ray.

Shosh, is that really you?

- Oh, my God. Oh, Shosh. - Hey.

Mm, Shosh, look at you.

I can't believe it's you.

You're a full-grown woman now.

Are you guys closed?

No, but I'm about to shut it down for the day.

I've got a community board meeting in a little while

and then there's a Dennis Kucinich live webstream I want to hop onto.

What the fuck happened in here?

Yeah, that. Across the street over there.

We've been outpaced, outshined, outmaneuvered, out everything

by those Neo-hippie gender-neutral monsters.

It's very bleak, Shosh. It's very bleak.

Hermie says that if business doesn't pick up in here,

he's gonna turn this place into a billiards store.

- Not bar, store. - Okay, you have to fight this, Ray.

You have to have a wartime attitude.

Maybe ask for some help, something I know you're fucking terrible at,

but ask for it anyways.

Who's gonna help me, Shosh? Who? My last remaining employee's Elijah.

Hermie's consuming heroic amounts of painkillers.

My coffee truck is a complete bust for reasons I can't even get into,

although they involve Hannah trying to suckle

the head of my penis at 50 miles an hour.

Okay, I'm gonna help you.

Seriously, what do you think I was doing in Japan?

I mean, other than learning origami

and eating candy that tastes like other candy. I do marketing, Ray.

It is my area of expertise. I went to mother effing college for it,

so, you know, at least let me have a crack at that.

We do make a pretty good team.

The best.

Wait, Hannah?

- Y-yeah. - Don't tell me.

Can I help you with anything?

I don't fuckin' know.

Um, I guess I'm looking for items that say...

"I really am the one for you, despite your misgivings about monogamy

and your penthouse full of whores."

I've been in a very open relationship...

with a very well-known television personality.

- Okay. - And, ah, I am really hoping to...

close it.

Say no more. Mm-hmm.

Ah.

This is really speaking to me for that.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

All right. Why aren't you working in a more high-end retail establishment?

Now, why aren't you shopping in one?

Ooh, touché.

- Uh... - D'Emilia.

D'Emilia. Hmm.

Well, let's "Pretty Woman" this shit, D'Emilia.

You got it.

Wow, good thing school's not in session or...

or that outfit would definitely not fly.

Oh, you know, I'm kinda trying to spend less time

in places where my outfit doesn't fly.

You know, my proverbial outfit.

Um, I'm not sure I follow.

Principal Toby,

this has been a really, really amazing opportunity for me.

You've taken a lot of chances on me, and I'm sure you've taken a lot of flak,

which is why I'm gonna seem like a real wench

when I say that I don't think I'll be coming back next year.

Oh, gosh, I... why?

Did you get... did you get another job?

Is it those bastards from Fort Greene Montessori?

No, what it is is that I've been trying

to stay more open to signals from the universe,

and I don't know if I can be open to those signals

if I'm tuned in to another song.

This job being the song.

Okay, Hannah. I wish you all the best.

I really do. You know, you've been so, um... eye-opening to me.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

I mean, with all your setbacks and your issues,

you... you live your life with such a... joie de vivre.

You're right, I do. I do have a lot of joie de vivre.

You do. You really do, and it's unusual to see that in a teacher.

I mean, it's unusual to see it in anybody.

I really hope you find what you're looking for.

Thank you, Principal Toby.

And for the record, I think you're a lot funkier

than people give you credit for.

And, by the way, I'm really sorry I showed you my pussy.

I was in a bad relationship

and I was blasting a lot of energy in the wrong direction.

Forget about it. Water under the bridge.

Thank you, sir.

Hannah!

Hannah. Hannah Horvath.

Tally, hey.

Oh, my God.

This is so crazy.

I was literally just thinking about you.

Um, why?

I am writing a novel about the tyranny of political correctness at Oberlin,

so of course I'm including the sophomore year incident

where you called our R.A. a Jewish Hitler and then heil'd him.

Yeah, well, you know, that's sort of my story to tell.

You do remember it, yeah. How are you?

Um, I'm okay. I, ah, it's a work in progress,

- as it is for everybody, I would say. - Oh.

- People big and small. - Mm-hmm, I do know that, girl.

I just got back from a writing retreat at MacDowell,

so you're, like, the sixth person I've seen since I left my cabin.

So, I'm just like, I feel so crazy!

Like, I just want to, like, murder someone in the face!

Where are you headed? Do you want to hang out?

Um, I'm not really headed anywhere in particular at the moment.

Okay.

Well, that's perfect 'cause I'm literally free until 3:00 AM.

And I guess I'm free till I have to go home to Michigan for Thanksgiving.

- So, let's do it. - Let's catch up.

- Yeah. - Okay.

Whoa, this is crazy.

- You look exactly the same. - Thanks,

- your bike looks really expensive. - Yeah.

Well, thank you for agreeing to meet like this.

It's very big of you,

especially considering Tandace.

Thank you for saying that.

That means a lot to me, praise coming from you.

Okay, don't go overboard. I just think that

if we're going to keep the ball rolling post-"Grey's"...

Mm-hmm.

we have to put the past behind us.

I agree.

- This is a big moment for both of us. - I know.

I just need you to please promise me

that the not-talking-to-me bullshit is over.

- Okay, well, it's tricky, Marn when the - No.

aggression train is headed straight towards me...

- We're collaborators. It's childish. - Okay. I understand

- we're collaborating so don't - I doesn't make any sense.

- judge the way that my process works. - Baby.

- Well, I'm not... - Oh, hi.

- Hi. It's time to go. - Okay, my e ku'u.

Um, actually, there's a couple more bullet points

- we're supposed to go over. Yeah. - Des, you said eight minutes.