black-ish

Fathers and sons, in the animal kingdom,

the roles have always been pretty clear.

Fathers are the Alpha male... Strong, fierce, and in charge.

Sons are the Beta male... Cute, cuddly,

and easily smacked out of the way.

But we humans are much more evolved than that.

Oh! We're our sons' teachers.

What? Uh...

Our sons' role model.

Our sons' hero.

Hey, what's going on, son?

But there comes a time in every dad's life

when things begin to change.

In the animal world, when the boy starts to man up,

there are two choices.

The son can eat the father, or the father can eat the son.

Come on! Uh-huh!

Ah, get that out of here, boy!

Gonna have to do better than that, son.

You gonna have to better than that at my house.

But when it happens in our world,

things aren't that simple.

Come on, what you got? Oh, you coming in the house.

Oh, you coming in the house.

Ow!

Gah!

What?!

Oh! Oh!

Ha!

Oh!

Oh, oh!

Oh!

It was at this moment

I knew I had no other choice but to eat my son.

Foul.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Yes, YouTube Tuesday. What we watching? Huh?

Dogs dragging their butts on the ground?

Oh, even better... Your demise as a man.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

This is trending on Twitter.

The real one, not the black one "Empire" owns.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, look at that.

- Testes! - Oh, this is bad.

You can actually see the moment

when Junior loses all respect for his father.

- Yeah... - Charlie, I'm right here.

Oh, I'm sorry, Dre. I didn't recognize you

without Junior's testicles in your face.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Outstanding. He's humiliated!

All right, the boy got lucky and dunked on me once.

All right, not a big deal.

Looking for an Andre Johnson.

Right here.

I have a gift from Andre Jr.

Oh. You see that?

Probably apologizing for posting that video.

"Dear Dad,

I know how much you like to eat nuts."

- Bon appétit. - That kid is special.

Look, my son is not special, all right?

He's just going through a phase right now

where he's trying to assert himself.

I'm going through the same thing with my son.

Trying to man up on me.

Always asking me for lunch money.

Bugging me for a mattress.

Vaccines, shoes that fit, love.

Love is what he really wants.

Okay, you know what?

Halloween is coming up.

And I'm gonna show him who's smarter, stronger,

and the most terrifying.

I am the prank king, remember?

Come meet your new cousin, Colton.

Aunt Jill says be very careful when you hold him, all right?

You thought you killed a baby!

Bam! Oh, we kicked the baby!

Sulu can't be here. Where's his line of fire?

Think!

Chair monster! Chair monster!

You know, all I've got to do is get inside Junior's head

and terrorize him a little bit.

And bam! I'm back on top.

Boy, I can't remember the last time I had nuts.

Uh, that is because you are deathly allergic.

That's why this office is nut-free zone.

- Unlike Dre's forehead! - Unlike Dre's forehead!

U-Unlike Dre's forehead!

Damn it, I was right there.

- Hmm. - Sorry.

Hmm.

Hey. Oh, my.

Happy almost Halloween!

Guess who I am.

- I... - Bee-yoncé.

- Beyoncé. - I see.

And are you wearing...?

Oh, no, no, bronzer. This is not blackface.

You are the second person to ask me that, though.

- No, it's not blackface. - Good.

So besides you coming over here

and daring me to slap you...

is there any other reason you stopped by?

Yes. Last Halloween, remember, got a little hectic, you know,

with all the others coming into our neighborhood.

So this year, I thought we just lock it down

and just host a mischief night.

And what is mischief night?

Well, it's a slightly naughty tradition on the night before Halloween,

where we encourage teens and tweens

to blow off a little steam in a... a safe, controlled,

and non-urban way.

Excellent idea!

Wait, what?

I just watched a fascinating documentary about this.

The one night a year where all crime is legal,

where its citizens can release all the demons

- pent up inside them. - Uh, Ruby.

- Mm. - That's a movie called "The Purge."

Great name for it, Rainbow.

Oh, no, it's a...

What's this neighborhood needs is a good purge.

Cool, I want to purge.

Mm-hmm. I've dreamed of purging.

Okay, no... no purging and no dreaming.

Go back upstairs, and I will call you when dinner's ready.

Janine, just let yourself out.

- Oh, oh. - Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

- Yeah, okay. - Mnh-mnh-mnh.

See, see, all those rules.

Those kids are gonna snap.

See, in my experience,

a little release works wonders for the community.

The day after the Watts riots

was the most peaceful day of the year

because the devil came out

and freshly looted Kenmores came in.

Okay. I... I'm just not sure that's right for mischief night.

It's settled then.

- Oh. - A neighborhood purge!

- I'm Ruby, by the way. - Hi. Janine. Uh...

- Can I touch your hair? - Ooh.

Don't do that.

That night, I got my first taste

of a world where Junior wasn't afraid of me anymore,

and that was not a world I wanted to live in.

Hey.

You get that package I sent you?

Uh-huh.

- It was very amusing. - Amusing?

It was hilarious.

And I say that with no ego.

Get a load of this kid.

Babe, can you get the salad bowl?

- Sure. - Thank you.

Who put the large bowl all the way up top?

Oh, is that high?

I can't even tell anymore.

Here you go, little guy.

Like a regular Dane Cook.

Yeah, that's not a compliment, Bow.

We've gone through this, okay?

I can't believe you like this new Junior.

- It's cute! - Wow, Mom. When you smile,

you have these adorable folds on the side of your mouth.

Hmm.

Crush him.

Already ahead of you.

Plan is in motion.

Junior.

You know that, uh, that basket you sent was clever.

Yeah. You know, but some people are allergic to nuts,

so you could have really hurt someone.

A lot of people are allergic to peanuts.

You could have really hurt someone.

Charlie Telphy.

Beloved father, middling employee...

Killed by nuts.

Can't believe this is happening.

Oh, son. It's not your fault.

Well, yes, it is.

- What? - This is insane.

Look, you don't get it.

This is between father and son, okay?

Junior is testing me, and I must eat him.

So mind your business because this is my Sixteen Chapel.

Did you just say "Sixteen Chapel"?

Bow, a man has died.

Can I just say I love what you're doing here?

Oh, thank you, Zoey.

How much are we paying for all this?

Nothing.

Josh... he volunteered to pay for the whole thing.

I never told Josh this isn't real.

Oh, my God.

Why do you always take the good ones?