Save Me

Thank you. Thank you.

I am...

Honored, ah... Really, truly, I am. I am!

I mean, one time... I got so mad at people speeding on the street

that I thought I would run for local politics, but...

Prophet of God? That...

I never... I never, never imagined that.

But if you're open to some feedback, ah...

I'm... not sure that I'm the best choice.

You know, I mean, for one thing,

I don't take direction very well.

Now touch your nose.

Wait, did you say nose or toes?

The other thing is, I'm not what you would call

a religious person, in the traditional sense.

Oh, my God. Lord have mercy.

Oh, my God. Lord have mercy.

But mostly I'm worried because I think

I, or we, really hurt someone.

Now, granted, it is my husband's mistress.

But still, I don't want her to die.

I just want me and Tom to learn from our mistakes

and move on.

So...

Please consider talking to

and through someone else.

Matt Lauer seems like an obvious choice.

Oh! I mean, hi.

Are you praying?

- Um... - Again?

It's, like, constant.

Oh, nuts.

How is she?

- Great. Fantastic really. - Oh.

The doctors say it's the funnest coma

they've ever seen.

Well, at least she's not dead.

That would make it a felony.

Former weather girl who now controls the weather,

are you trying to get your 15 minutes of fame back?

Entering.

Please do not electrocute me. Entering.

I hope you're joking.

Honey, I want you to feel safe in your own home.

Oh, you mean the home that my friends on Facebook

have dubbed "the house of horrors"?

And "horrors" is spelled with a "w."

Get it, Tom?

Emily, I'm sorry you found out about my...

Affair, and that I had one

for you to find out about, but I'm still dad to you.

I never said you weren't my dad, Tom.

I'm going over to Riley's.

Both: Have fun.

Not only does she not want to hang out with us,

now we're the pariahs of the neighborhood.

When I was driving down the street,

I could see people shutting their curtains.

Yes, we have fallen from neighborhood grace.

You remember when we first moved in here,

and I would have Sunday night potlucks,

and everyone would come over, and we would have so much fun?

Emily used to love those.

Yeah, that was, like, two personalities ago.

Tom was right,

but how was I going to earn back

the love and respect of my family and friends?

And that's when God told me to start by doing the right thing

with this.

Hi, Maggie.

Emily's fine. Is that why you're here?

Mmmm. I'm starting up our Sunday night potlucks again,

and I wondered if I could count you in for tonight.

No, thank you.

I'll let you think on that one.

In the meantime, I wanted to return this.

I borrowed it.

Hi, Elliot. Sorry.

Hi, Beth.

Gee, you have nice biceps.

Tom doesn't have nice biceps. He has little noodle arms.

I call him noodle-armed Tom.

Noodle-armed Tom. You should try it.

I'm not gonna do that.

You should call him noodle-armed Tom.

No.

Beth, time to switch to coffee.

Good night, everybody. Good night, noodle arm.

- I knew you stole it. - You did?

Yeah, and I don't want it back.

'Cause I replaced it with a cheaper version

so that every morning my watery latte

would fuel my rage against you.

Wow, that doesn't sound healthy.

But it provides a bigger jolt than caffeine ever could.

Um, Maggie.

Maggie, I'm changing, I promise.

I heard. Did God tell you to return that to me?

How did you know?

Oh, right.

Hey, Maggie, I'm going to the gym.

Oh, hey, Beth.

Be careful, Elliot. You're gonna get hurt.

Is that a threat?

- What? - Who's gonna hurt me, Beth?

- Is it you? - Or someone

who lives inside of you who goes

by a different name?

No. Oh, no, no, no.

I just... he... She was telling me that...

Awkward.

I know I'm not your pcp.

Primary care physician, but I'd be happy

to make a referral for a psych consult, Beth.

Oh. No, no, I'm fine.

I just...

Give that potluck some thought.

Bye.

Bye.

- Potluck? - Oh, hell, no.

All right. I'm going to the gym.

So is it a feeling, or do you hear a voice?

No, it's a voice.

I mean, I think it's a voice.

But then after he/she says something,

I can't really describe it.

You know, it's kind of like

when you dream about eating something,

but then you can't remember what it tasted like.

- God, I hate that. - Right?

Oh, Jenna, I'm so relieved that you're not scared of me.

Of course. I'm fascinated.

Pete's a little annoyed, though,

because our power keeps going out since the lightning storm,

and he kind of blames you.

Oh. Well, I'm kind of honored

that Pete thinks I control the weather.

Tom's not buying it.

So how do you know it's God talking to her?

Nobody's talking to her.

Elliot, do you think

Emily knowing about my affair is going to permanently scar her?

The only scars I'm qualified to speak to

are the ones I can prescribe vanishing cream for.

I wish I could make this whole thing vanish.

Look, Beth's sober now. You guys are still together.

That's got to count for something.

Maybe it's the devil talking to her.

Nobody's talking to her.

When my dad had an affair with our mailman...

Mail-woman.

No, mailman.

I knew about it... How'd you know?

Did your mailman wake up at your house?

Our mailman wouldn't even come into our yard

because of our dog.

Well, technically, it was a wolf.

Well, anyway, I knew about it,

but even after my parents' divorce,

my dad wouldn't admit it or discuss it with me.

Did you want him to?

I think it could've helped me process the whole thing,

but, you know, I still became a doctor,

so don't sweat it too much.

Oh, I'm making a simple pasta.

- Oh, and I'll do the salad. - Perfect.

See, this is fun.

A four-person potluck is still a potluck.

Oh...

Could you and Pete use an espresso machine?

Oh, no. No, thanks.

- I'm strictly a green tea girl... - Oh.

And Pete just has an energy drink and a bag

of pork rinds in the morning.

Gross.

It makes me so mad, I could spit.

It's nice. You could sell it on eBay.

No, no, I'm supposed to be making amends.

I have to give it away.

Well, my church takes all kinds of donations.

I'm taking some clothes there for the homeless today.

Church.

That's exactly where I need to take it.

- Can I go with you? - Absolutely.

I'd love to have a church buddy besides Pete.

Great.

Church.

Never have been to church.

Yay, church.

There I was, in a place I had never been,

listening to a song I'd never heard,

and feeling like I was home.

Praise God. That was just great.

It was, like, abso... Oh, excuse me.

Pastor Jim?

I have an espresso maker I'd like to donate to the church

if you think you could use it somehow.

Oh, well, that's really nice, but one of our members

gave us a restaurant-grade machine recently.

We can make six lattes at a time for our homeless dinners.