Zombie High

: I can't believe you're doin' this.

: Just because I'm transferring to another school

doesn't mean I'm gonna turn

into a completely different person, Barry.

: Oh, I get it.

Now it's just another high school, is it?

I thought Ettinger was one of these fancy private schools

like Harvard or somethin'.

: What have you got against Ettinger anyway?

: Well, I'll tell you what I got against this.

Just a bunch of preppy wimps runnin' around

with blazers and gold-plated pencils

and they got buildings named after their families

and stuff like that.

: (laughing) So when did you become an expert

on prep schools?

All summertime, you've been on my mind

Now it's back to school

Paper, pens, and books

Teachers' dirty looks

They're too bright to fool

You want to lose those teenage blues

Come on with me, you know you can't refuse

Don't read a thing, but we'll make the news

Everybody knows action speaks louder than words

Listen to the beat, get up on your feet, let's go

Call me anytime if you have a dime

Use the MCI

Classes are a bore, lectures make ya snore

There's no reason why

You want to lose those teenage blues

Come on with me, you know you can't refuse

Don't read a thing, but we'll make the news

Everybody knows action speaks louder than words

Listen to the beat, get up on your feet, let's go

Turn this down.

You're gonna get me kicked out of school

before I even start.

You need any help?

No, I think it just overheated.

It happens all the time.

Welcome to Ettinger.

Thanks, I'm Andrea.

I'm Philo.

Hi.

Hi.

I guess you got the situation under control?

Yeah. Sure do.

Thanks for the offer.

Take care.

Pardon me, my good man.

Could you show me to the polo lounge?

Are you attempting to be humorous?

I can't take this!

A roommate who won't laugh at my jokes?

I'm gonna end up talkin' to myself.

I mean more than normal.

I'm personal friends with Ralph Lauren.

We're like this.

Jerk.

Oh my god!

Get the hell away from me.

Miriam, get back in the car.

But, Martin!

Better do it, mom.

Martin!

What is going to happen to him?

Martin!

He's Ettinger property now.

Don't cross me, John.

This school is your last chance.

Hey, are you okay?

Fuck off.

That's Senator Felner.

He's an alumnus.

Yeah, I'd vote for that guy.

You want to go and have some fun

Call all your friends, ask everyone

Let's go crazy, let's go insane

Let's get crazy, let's get wild

Let's go crazy, let's go insane

Let's go crazy, let's go wild

I guess I'm your roommate.

Oh, hi, I'm Suzi Marmont.

Andrea Miller.

So you are a girl.

I think so, yeah.

Well I was sort of wondering.

There aren't too many of us around.

Oh really, Suzi?

Well I thought I was gonna have to fight off

all these boys by my little old self.

You ain't gonna catch me complainin', honey.

Know what I mean?

Andrea, this is Mary Beth.

She lives right across the hall.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Oh shit.

There aren't gonna be enough outlets in this room.

So I guess the lace curtains are on my side of the room, huh?

I'm sorry, I'll clean this right up.

Sorry.

Extra outlets?

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Excuse me, please.

Thanks a lot.

You're quite welcome.

Have a nice day.

You know, this place smells of success.

I love it!

Me too.

Real friendly people you got around here.

Suzi, this is Barry.

Oh, your boyfriend.

Ha, ex-boyfriend, lately.

Oh yeah?

That's nice.

Oh, Jesus, my car.

I gotta go.

I don't wanna get stuck on the road at night, okay?

- Bye. Suzi. - (Suzi): Bye!

See ya.

Be back in a couple minutes.

Come on, don't be like that.

Gotta grow up sometime.

You know I don't give up easy, Andrea.

I'll be back.

Well, you're not so mature yourself.

Let me tell you, I'm deliriously happy

to be away from home.

We've got the opportunity here to have some serious fun.

Yeah.

I mean, think about it.

We're the first girls ever at this place.

We'll have all those cute guys begging for our bodies.

I think I've died and gone to heaven (chuckles).

Listen, this is gonna sound completely bizarre to you,

but I did come here to study.

Oh, give me a break!

No, but, Suzi, did you see that guy

who was talkin' to me outside before?

He was tall with dark hair.

Well you're not wasting any time, are you?

Really, you've barely got

the long-distance boyfriend out the door,

and already you're checkin' out the locals?

You know, it's gonna be an interesting year.

Suzi, it's not like I was in love

with him or anything, okay?

But he was just staring right through me, ya know?

Look, look, you don't need to make any excuses to me.

I mean, there's only so much temptation

that a girl can resist.

So, honey, why bother?

Amen (chuckles).

Hey, I'm going jogging'.

Y'all wanna come?

No, Andrea and I have our own form of exercise, don't we?

Uh, no comment.

Yeah, I'm sure you do.

Catch y'all later.

Bye.

- Did you hear something? - No.

You know that there's a 10:1 ratio of guys to girls here?

Oh, I'm sure that had nothing to do

with your decision to enroll here.

Of course not.

Andrea, look at the dreamboat up in the window.

He's the one I was telling you about.

- Come on. - Oh yeah?

Let's wave.

Suzi!

Where'd he go?

Honey, he's cute.

You think he saw us?

I hope not.

Look.

Andrea, if you like him, you should do something about it.

I don't even know him.

Well, if you don't, I will.

You need a chaperone.

Good morning.

I am Doctor Beauregard Eisner,

Dean of Ettinger Academy.

On behalf of the entire faculty,

I extend a warm welcome to our new students.

Especially you young women who are the very first

to be admitted to Ettinger Academy

in our long and rich history.

Who's that?

Big man on campus?

At Ettinger,

we believe in the reward for high endeavor.

The soundness of the Academy's methods

is attested to by the increasing numbers

of our successful alumni.