The Shocklosers Survive Camp Analog

Nothing will ever be the same.*

Behold the Carolina Reaper.

In it's mighty wake there are but two epochs.

Eras, epoch means eras.

The age before and the age postliminary.

The age after.

Their only divider is the elusive moment of transcendence.

The moment the Carolina Reaper is in your mouth!

Come on, we talked about this.

What?

In our most popular online poll, like ever,

we asked y'all to pick the most insane thing

we could make Walt eat.

And you guys delivered.

And now the moment of reckoning has finally arrived.

- Wait guys, wait. - Halt!

Let's take a moment of silence for Walt's taste buds.

For they shan't never saver Captain Crunch again.

Not the Captain!

No more Kiwanis Day's pancakes.

Ohm.

No more SpongeBob Spaghetti-Os.

- Ohm. - Ohm.

Hey, liver spots get a whole lot easier to swallow now.

Oh, gross, man, don't.

It's good for you.

This sacrifice is great.

But the needs of the many outweigh the need to-

His taste buds are the hero we deserve.

My friends, a moment.

- Come on. - All right, ready?

Walt.

Walt, we are live here, man.

I'm not so sure about this.

Just cold feet.

Well, The Reaper will warm them up.

What?

Okay, okay, sorry.

Okay, Walt, I don't want to pressure you into doing this,

but this is our best chance to win here.

We need this.

- Yeah, yes! - Yes!

- Yes! - Let's do this!

Yeah!

Woo!

Gimme that Reaper, boys.

Yeah!

- Walt, Walt, Walt, Walt- - One, two, three.

Walt, Walt, Walt, Walt.

- He did it! - Woo, woo hoo.

That was awesome!

Woo!

- Oh, hey, Mom. - Busted.

It's working.

I don't think we've ever had this many views.

No, subscribers are up, too.

Yeah and look at this.

It's not such a long shot now.

We can win this. Yeah.

Well, look, we've got a probable lead,

but it's not insurmountable.

Caleb, just say that they could catch us.

Okay, well, how are we trending compared to the others?

Okay, let's see.

Well, at the rate Duncan Bones posts

and the rather unpredictable nature of a viral variety,

we are going to need to follow up with at least two videos

a week for the rest of the month.

That could likely keep us ahead with subscriber views.

The competition is stiff.

And older.

And aren't being shipped off the face

of the known universe for the rest of summer.

Caleb, aren't all of you here

because of those stupid things?

Um, I was under the impression it was because

we made Walt puke for two hours.

Or maybe it's because he still can't say a word.

Um, I mean, he can text.

All your stupid phones up here right now.

Thanks.

Here you go, Chelsea.

- What? - Oh, my God.

Are you sure the ride in here with her

isn't punishment enough?

Oh, yeah, she's a horrible driver.

This is her third car.

That's her fifth phone.

So, what do you guys make at this place where we're going?

Camp Analog.

You know Kelso Briggs went there last summer.

Yeah, he told me about it in algebra.

Yeah?

Yeah, it's a...

- What? - I dunno.

- It's creepy. - What?

- Creepy. - Look, before he went,

he's gaming like mad, right?

I mean, he's doing daily Warcraft raids.

He's nationally ranked in Destiny.

He's doing constant Let's Plays on his channel.

I mean, he's even keeping his sister's old Neopet alive.

He's the kind of guy who would relieve himself in a bottle

to stay at his post. Jeez.

You know what I mean?

Okay, but I thought he stopped doing his channel?

- Yeah. - Yeah, when he came back

he was like a pod person.

A drone.

Yeah, I mean, his parents cut the WiFi,

he sold off all his recording gear and all his games.

He shut down his channel.

His entire outlook on life changed.

This isn't a summer camp.

It's a brainwashing program.

You guys are a bunch of idiots.

If you really want weirdos on the internet

to take you seriously, you guys need to grow up.

Ignore her, besides we're going in with tools.

Ready to resist the brainwashing.

- Lights, cameras, sound. - You got the ringer?

You know I've got it.

Uh, Caleb?

Are those Ninja Turtles? I think we can manage

a couple of posts a week, in secret of course.

If we can survive the indoctrination that is.

What?

You know, don't turn into drones.

Okay, yeah, Caleb's right.

Eyes on the prize, guys.

Winning this thing is our ticket to being taken seriously

by our parents and by the school, by the world.

We won't just be dumb kids with a video camera anymore.

You know, we'll have a voice,

and nothing will ever be the same.

Rise and shine, Camp Analogers.

Make your voices heard and welcome in this morning's

fresh slate of betas as we start up

another life-changing session.

We're excited to spread the gospel of the fun, fidelity,

and freedom of the great outdoors.

This morning, it's breakfast for all you alphas,

as the betas get settled in with registration.

Followed by morning recess- Noobs.

- And then assembly at the- - Wonder who's gonna give

us trouble this time.

Remember to wear your suspenders proudly

in helping lost betas find their way around the camp.

As for you betas, after registration,

please head to your assigned cabins to unpack

and change into your Camp Analog shirts.

I heard you, I love you too.

Remember, campers must always be in the standard

Camp Analog brand of attire while on site.

For you lucky green eyes, the shirt really makes them pop.

All right, guys, remember after they've checked

the ringer, but while it's still on the table, got it?

Jordan, you see that?

Oh, nevermind. Luggage here, boys.

Then I'll get you guys signed in right over here.

I'm gonna need your watch.

Excuse me?

You know, I was made after the bicentennial.

On purpose, I'm sure.

Thank you, you get it back when you leave.

Okay, name?

There a problem?

Yeah, um, were you talking to me or to him?

Hilarious, you.

Oh, well, Jordan, my name's McFee.

Thomas McFee. What?

Yeah, said the last name first.

Hey, brainless, it says Zaine.

Okay, yeah, what's your name?

- What? - No, no, his name?

- My name? - Yeah.

What, what, your name?

I already said we have name tags.

- Who has name tags? - What? Who?

Me? No, you.

- Oh, he has a name tag. - I don't have a name tag.

- No, I know you don't- - I don't get one?

Have a name tag, I need your name.

No, you. I definitely don't have

a name tag. Me? Do we get name tags?

No, no, I don't, wait, what?

- No, no, no, no, no, no. - All right, stop this, now.

Name? Thomas McFee.

- Name? - Ryan Boyd.

Oh, the chili peppers.

Not a nice thing you guys did there

bullying your friend like that.

We didn't bully anybody.

Yeah, he actually volunteered,

so you might want to fix your data.

Sure.

Okay, you back there.

The name's Bennett Benson.

Wait a minute, Mr. Alliteration,

you are in the wrong place.