American Dad!

¶ good morning, usa! ¶

¶ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶

¶ the sun in the sky has a smile on his face ¶

¶ and he's shining a salute to the american race ¶

¶ oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶

¶ good morning, usa. ¶

And toyota. Moving forward.

Klaus, I brought you a present from the cia lab.

A fish with a human brain, just like me?

¶ at last... ¶

No, it's just a regular fish.

They took its retinas out for an eye-scanning experiment.

I brought the little blind guy home to keep you company.

Well, enjoy.

Hey there, beautiful.

Bring that body over here.

Mm...

Stan, my fanny!

¶ give me some of that franny fanny ¶

¶ give me some of that franny fanny ¶

¶ pump it up! Pump it up! Pump it up! ¶

Both: ¶ give me some of that franny fanny! ¶

¶ give me some of that franny fanny! Give me... ¶

All right, enough of that. It's clearly all chorus

And I won't be a part of it.

You know, you've been getting that franny fanny

For almost 20 years. What, now?

You do remember our 20th wedding anniversary's coming up, right?

Of course.

That's why I've planned to, uh... To...

Have a magical ceremony to renew your vows.

Roger, that's a terrible...

Oh, stan. You always take such good care of me.

Yep, I remember when stan came to me months ago

And asked me to plan the whole thing.

Right, stan?

Yes.

Great. Just cut me that check for $6,800,

The budget we agreed upon,

And I'll get started.

$6,800?

Oh, stan.

I'm so lucky to be married to such a good provider.

Just make it out to jeannie gold weddings.

Who's that? Jeannie gold,

Wedding planner.

This is my emergency wedding kit.

Everything you need for last-minute snafus--

Needle and thread, band-aids for sore heels,

Fake hymens for those not-so-well-behaved

Middle eastern brides.

These beauties are packed full of ox blood.

Trust me, that bedroom will look like

The set of wes craven movie the next morning.

You must be the children. Jeannie gold.

I wanted to discuss the gift you're buying your parents

For their anniversary.

I'm just going to get them a card.

Sign my name to it, "forever yours, s."

They'll know.

You'll do better than a card.

It's their 20th. China is the traditional gift.

Leave us alone, roger.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I went a little ike turner,

Caught you on the side of the head

So you can cover it with your hair.

I don't want you bruised for the photos.

That's how good I am.

Now find a meaningful gift.

Disappoint me and next time,

You'll be dealing with valik. Who?

: Listen to jeannie or I cut you.

Roger: Two weeks from today, francine,

You will be here, walking down the aisle.

I've recreated the menu, the flowers...

I even have a string quartet playing the score

From room with a view.

We didn't have that at our wedding.

After your reception, when you and stan drove away in the limo,

You heard a song playing from a third story window.

You didn't know what it was,

But secretly wished you had walked down the aisle to it.

How did you...

I never shared that with anyone.

Last Wednesday, when you were in the bath,

I snuck up and ethered you good.

While in your twilight state, you admitted your regret.

You hummed that song for me.

I had a top musicologist beside me and he identified it.

He saw me naked?

Honey, please. He's a musicologist.

He sees it every day.

Here's the number of my tailor.

He can let your wedding dress out.

Oh, I don't need to.

It still fits.

Really? Look at you.

She is just beautiful.

That's the reason I married her.

Well, that's not the only reason.

Yes, it is.

There was nothing else?

Nope.

Just my appearance?

That is correct.

What he means is,

Your beauty emanates from within.

No, I don't.

You know, I'm not so sure I want to renew vows with...

Don't give up on this, francine.

There were good times.

Think back. He must have done something

To show his love was true.

Ignore that. Steak-ums.

Well, two weeks before our wedding,

Stan and I agreed not to see each other.

At the ceremony, when I stepped out of the limo,

He ran to me, picked me up and swung me around

And told me he never wanted to be away from me again.

But now I realize he only loved me for my looks.

What? He was joking.

Stan, tell her.

Oh. Y-yeah, of course. I was joking.

I love you for more than your looks.

You have no sense of humor.

Good thing you're pretty.

Oh, another joke. Shut up, stan.

You're too funny.

Okay, here's what we're going to do.

Just like before, you won't see each other for two weeks,

Then we'll recreate your reunion at the wedding.

I'll film the whole thing and make it an extra on the dvd

Along with the musicologist touching you in the bath.

I'm kidding. At least I think I'm kidding.

I left him alone with her for a half hour while I took a nap.

What do you say, honey?

Okay, roger. Let's do it.

It's still on.

I'm jeannie gold, wedding planner extraordinaire.

And a survivor.

He'll see you in two weeks, just like before.

I got to hand it to you. You're doing a great job.

Are you hitting on me? What?

This happens all the time.

I will not let you ruin your wedding.

I will give you a handy jay to keep you out of trouble.

Can I help you find something?

We're looking for some china

For our parents 20th anniversary gift.

What do you have for under 30 bucks?

These porcelain thimbles.

We'll take them. Them?

No, it's $30 for one.

Just put it in your largest free box.

I'll be paying with a combination

Of change, check, and the value of this dance.

May I?

Oh, I shouldn't, but yes.

You! Idiot boy!

Put some stones on the bridal runner,

So the breeze won't take it.

You, distribute these bags of rice to the guests.

Our policy is not to throw rice. It's bad for the birds.

Screw the birds! Here's what I think of the birds!

Roger, where... Aw.

Where's francine?

Francine is on her way with her parents.

Stan, these are my sons alex and ron.

They're in columbia film school.

How is that possible?

I know. I look too young to have kids in college.

No, that you have children

When your persona is totally fabricated.

We are the music makers.

We are the dreamers of dreams.

That is an unsatisfying answer.

You kids bought the gift?

Oh, from landon's. De-lovely!

You could put it in a curio case.

You could sew with it.

A little mouse could wear it for a hat.

The boy is to die first.

Man: Here come the bride!

What happened?

Let me get that for you, dear.

Bite down on this.

Good as new. Don't go into shock.

Today's not about you.

Okay, everyone. Places!

Mom, here she comes!

I'm ready to renew our vows.

alex, ronnie, cut!

Mama's not making a monster movie.

What are you looking for?

The makeup guy from norbit.

Rick baker, get out here, you talented son of a bitch.

Stan, this is me.

What the hell happened?

I stopped doing my beauty regimen.