Silicon Valley

Hello?

Can anyone hear me?

This is unbelievable.

There are seven thousand people watching this stream,

and it's working flawlessly.

Rebuffering events are below 0.5%.

Even when his sobbing shakes the camera

there's no blocking at all. And the quality is great.

Why?

More good news. There's a storm coming.

There's no way the EMS guys can get up there.

This could go on all day.

Appreciate your cooperation here, gentlemen.

We'll see you this afternoon.

Richard, I'm sorry about that.

No, it's fine.

The lead counsel of the company that's suing us

just marched their engineer through the house

to make sure the platform they want to seize is ready for them.

That felt great.

It's like they assume they've already won.

Is there any chance they haven't?

Goddammit, Richard.

In addition to stealing two of my four packs of Fage yogurt,

your ship-jumping coder cunts

happened to walk off with the rest of our toilet paper, so that...

Hmm.

Speaking of shit that can't be wiped away and flushed,

how are you, Mr. "Mohanahan"?

Morning, Mr. Bachman.

I don't suppose you have anything to say to me

by way of an apology?

For?

For the embarrassing ordeal

that you put me through yesterday in front of over nine people.

I think you should be the one apologizing, Mr. Bachman.

You lost your composure and ruined our entire case.

I'll see you gentlemen at 3:00.

I shan't be attending out of contempt,

so this will have to serve as our goodbye.

Don't let the door hit ya where God split ya.

- I'm sorry. - No.

Richard, I'll see you there?

Yeah.

Pete?

Do we have any chance of winning this?

When you hired me,

I told you I would never lie to you, Richard.

Yeah, that's true. You did.

I'll see you at 3:00.

Oh, hello, neighbor.

Neighbor.

Not for long. Louise helped me sell my house.

The ferret laws are much more enlightened in Arizona.

Arizona, huh?

You'll be dead in a month.

We'll miss you.

This your home?

Indeed it is.

Are you interested in selling? It's a great time.

Not interested. There are people in there who depend on me.

Human people. Not weasel animals.

It's a ferret.

- Weasels. - Ferrets!

Corner lot, good square footage.

I could probably get you a lot more than I got Noah.

How much did you get him?

Wait. You're selling the house just like that?

It wasn't a rash decision. I agonized over it.

But what about your incubator?

What about it, Jared? Pied Piper has caked its pants,

Jian-Yang's chances of investment

have literally gone up in smoke,

and you heard what Monahan said in court yesterday.

Market forces and random events have conspired against me

to make the success of my incubator all but impossible.

Functionally, all I've really achieved

is running a flop house where guys have shat,

jerked off, and paid me no rent.

Why won't anyone come get me?

Well, we have accomplished one other thing.

We're up over 20,000 viewers.

Holy shit. Really?

Buzzfeed linked to us. Now we're picking up on Reddit.

This guy falling off a cliff is the first good luck we've had.

And right as we're gaining traction,

we have to hand it all over to Gavin fucking Belson.

This is fucked.

We can't give it to him...

if we don't have it to give.

What do you mean?

We do have it, and we have to give it.

100% of what he's trying to take from us

exists digitally on servers in this house.

If we nuke them, there's nothing for him to seize.

As far as he knows, it's an accident.

No one would believe that.

Two weeks ago, we accidentally erased

one-third of Intersite's entire library.

I think we've established our ineptitude beyond a reasonable doubt.

Fuck it.

I say we delete everything.

No. No. No. No.

Guys, that's not what we do. We don't destroy things.

Not on purpose, anyway.

Right? Isn't that the whole reason why you got into this in the first place,

to build cool shit?

I mean, look at that livestream. It's fucking perfect.

And even if Hooli ends up owning it,

we built it with no resources

and a fucking stream of endless obstacles.

I don't know, I mean, I kind of want to see how big it can get,

right up until the point where Gavin Belson

has to fucking take it from us.

Guys, who is Manny "Pa-qui-oh"?

Pacquiao? He's one of the most famous people on the planet earth.

Oh! Manny Pacquiao, the Filipino legislator.

No, boxer.

Okay, well, he just tweeted a link to our livestream,

and he has almost two million followers.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. We got to scale up if we're going to handle that kind of traffic.

I'm gonna compress the manifests.

I'll kill the highest bitrate to give us more headroom.

I've always wanted to be part of a suicide pact.

What? That's not what we're doing.

Hey, Gilfoyle, we're up to 50,000 views.

Whoa, it is, like, 500 degrees in here.

Yeah. Anton is really starting to sweat.

Yeah, I still can't believe you gave the servers a man's name.

Sorry, I couldn't remember your mother's name.

Hey, why don't I just open up the garage door? Let some fresh air in here.

Yeah, sure, if you want the cooling system to shut down

and everything in here to turn to magma.

Actually, with all the new servers I have running,

we're about to max out the amperage and blow the main breaker anyway.

Sooner or later, Gilfoyle's servers are gonna fail, and then it's all done.

My servers can handle 10 times the traffic

if they weren't busy apologizing for your shit codebase.

Oh, yeah? Well, my codebase could handle this traffic,

fuck your mother, make a video of it,

upload it, and even that video would not even buffer.

Hey, Pete.

Hey, I just heard from the judge.

He's gonna call us in an hour early.

Early? What does that mean?

Well, it's either a very good or a very bad sign.

Well, actually, it's almost always bad.

I take it back. It's a bad thing.

Why don't you head over,

I'll see you when you get there, okay?

Hey, guys, I gotta go.

It's time.

Try to keep it online as long as you can, okay?

Why?

- The picture quality is remarkable. - Mm-hmm.

And this is all hosted at a data center

they built themselves in their garage.

- Please help me. - That's right.

- Very impressive. - Please someone help me!

It's already becoming a meme in the Philippines. Look.

Why won't anyone come help me?

Can anyone hear me?

Hello?

And Filipinos find this amusing?

- Can anyone hear me? - Apparently.

Please help me.

I've lost all feeling below the waist.

- Why? - They are a fascinating people.

How are the numbers?

Unless people start getting bored and tuning out, we're gonna hit our capacity.

Fuck.

I'm so dehydrated.

I'm gonna have to urinate into my water bottle.

This guy's gonna drink his own piss?

That's too good. We're gonna fail by succeeding.

Jared, I need you to plug those servers in now.

Aye-aye, captain.

What a shit-circus. Good riddance.

You're never gonna sell.

- What? - Look what's happening here.

It's magical.

The only thing magical is how much

this house has appreciated in the last three years, Jared.

I'm selling.

That's just money. It has no real value.

It literally defines value.

Look at this check. All right?

You can't actually cash it, but think about what it represents.

It's priceless.

Jared, I saw your entire HR file.

It was in the Hooli disclosure.

You had a fat salary and stock options.

By now, you would be a senior VP.

But instead, you walked away to wrangle extension cords

for a company that will be defunct in maybe 30 hours.

If you're not kicking yourself even just a little bit, you are objectively insane.

I can always find another job, but look at us... doing this.

It's intoxicating. Don't act like it's not magical.

It is.