Mom

Oh. Look who decided to grace us with her presence.

- Hey, Geoffrey. Sorry I'm late. - Are you?

Well, you know, it's what you say.

Christy, you're a good waitress,

but you are constantly tardy.

Let's focus on the first part of that sentence.

That sort of thing might have flown with the old management...

Who no one misses, by the way. Get a guy with a degree

in restaurant science, I said, and here you are.

Yes. A lot more often than you.

Because of a little traffic on the way from school.

- Promise it won't happen again. - No, it won't.

You're fired.

Yeah. No, I'm not.

What?

Yeah, sorry, that just doesn't work

for me right now. What are the specials?

I'm not telling you the specials; you're fired.

Let me guess... branzino?

Yes. But you're still fired.

How about this? I graduate in five months,

- you can fire me then. - This isn't a negotiation.

Great.

Hi. I'm Christy. I'm your server.

Our special is branzino,

and on the side, I'm guessing,

is fingerling potatoes.

It's balsamic-glazed brussels sprouts.

- Thanks, Geoff. - It's Geoffrey.

Ugh. Sorry about that. He's new.

Oh. I don't have a pen,

so I'm just gonna record your order on my phone.

Oh, crap. I don't have enough space.

Let me just delete a couple things.

- Hey. - Hey.

How was your day?

Not bad. I got fired.

What?!

Don't worry. It didn't take.

Brought home some branzino.

Oh, thank God.

Who fired you, the new manager?

Yeah. Geoffrey.

Ugh. Geoffrey with a "G"?

Douche with a "D."

Hey, uh, I just got off the phone with your brother.

- Why'd Ray call you? - Because I'm his friend.

But I'm his sister. Yeah, but he likes me.

Fine. What did he want?

He asked me not to tell you.

But you enjoy sex, so...

He needs me to bail him out of jail.

Oh, no. Of course he's in jail.

He kept drinking and doing coke.

I told you this was gonna happen.

You've done it again, Nostradamus.

- How much is his bail? - Two Grand.

Ah. That's why he called you.

And we're friends.

So I'm guessing two Grand... Public intoxication?

I'm going with resisting arrest.

Maybe both.

The old Bonnie Plunkett daily double.

Hey, if I'm drinkin', I'm resistin'.

I'll be back in a couple hours.

Nice try. We're going with you.

No, no, no. See, Ray specifically asked me

not to have you guys come along, or to even tell you about the...

Why-why am I still talking?

That's okay. I'll get the door.

So, what's the plan?

Do we let him sleep it off and drag him straight to a meeting,

or do we just lock him in a cage with Marjorie?

Maybe have an ounce of compassion first.

I had compassion the last time he messed up.

This time, I've got a sock full of nickels with his name on it.

Starting to see why Ray didn't want to call you.

This place looks so familiar.

Was I ever arrested here?

I thought that, too, and then I realized

it looks exactly like the jail in Carlsbad.

- Yes. - What'd you do in Carlsbad?

Shoplifting?

Ooh, that was Temecula.

Carlsbad was drunk, disorderly,

- and partially nude. - Partially nude!

I still contend Sharpie on my nipples counts as a shirt.

I went to bail her out,

it was taking forever, so I strike up a conversation

with a bounty hunter,

and bing-bang-boom, there we were, just...

You know what? Story for another time.

Son of a bitch.

Sorry, man. Hard to sneak out of the house in a wheelchair.

Oh, my God, Ray, are you all right?

I'm fine. I just needed a ride.

- And $2,000 bail. - Which I will pay back.

Which you will pay back.

Anyway, you hurt? You hungry? Come on, the car's this way.

So, are you gonna tell us what happened?

It wasn't my fault.

It's like he doesn't know who he's talking to.

I'm serious.

I was at a bar watching the Warriors,

and this jackass got in my face.

That was a great game, huh?

Sorry. It was.

Come on, Ray, tell us what you did.

I don't want to talk about it.

Okay, then just listen. We're gonna go to our place,

get you a shower, pour some coffee in you,

and then we're going straight to a meeting.

Oh. Tuesday meeting's the best.

There's a celebrity in there.

I can't tell you who it is, but...

Hint: He's a successful magician.

Yeah. I don't need a meeting.

We just got you out of jail.

Your cell phone is still in a Ziploc bag.

Look, I know I've been hitting it a little hard,

and I'm gonna clean that up,

- but I'm not doing AA. - Why not?

Well, for starters, I'm really not into the God stuff.

It doesn't have to be God.

You can make your higher power anything you want.

Yeah. Mine's Oprah. What can't she do?

I know how to stop. I've done it before.

Technically, if you stopped before, you haven't stopped.

I'm just sayin'.

Okay, my headache is getting worse.

Adam, is it okay if I crash at your place?

Um... And by "um," he means no.

Hey, I know you think you got my balls in your jewelry box,

but I can speak for myself.

If the idea is

that you're gonna get clean, then sure, you can stay with me.

Thanks, man.

The rest of this drive

is going to be awkward.

Hi. I'm Christy,

and I see you still have your menus,

which means you haven't ordered, and I bet you're starving,

so let's get this party started.

Christy.

Kind of busy here, Geoffrey.

These people have a serious case of the hungries.

Excuse us. Your actual waitress will be right back.

You're late again, and you're fired.

I mean it. You are super fired.

I thought I was pretty clear that that doesn't work for me.

Well, you know what doesn't work for me?

You. Leave.

Fine.

I would normally sneak this out the back,

but you leave me no choice.

Something on your mind, Bonnie?

I just texted Adam to see how Ray's doing,

- and he's not responding. - Hey, give him time.

That is not how I roll, and he knows it.

It's just so frustrating... For the first time in my life,

I know what I'm talking about, and nobody is listening to me.

You can't force someone to go to meetings.

See? Right there, not my style.

Anything worth doing is worth forcing someone to do it.

That doesn't really make sense.

And yet if Marjorie said it, you'd tattoo it on your ass.

Hey.

Hey. How come you're not at work?

That part of my life is over.

- What? - Yeah.

Geoffrey fired me again.

And this time, it stuck.

No, no, no, no. This wreaks havoc

with our delicate ecosystem.

I'm roof, you're food.

I know. I'm kind of freaking out.

Well, certainly, there's no shortage of restaurants in Napa.

You guys don't get it.

I am a terrible waitress, but I had tenure.

I could come and go as I please,

I could bully the newbies into switching shifts with me,

and I knew how many steaks I could sneak out in my pants.

Three to five, depending on the cut.

Cut of steak or cut of pants?

Both factor in.

There's got to be a way out of this.

What if you... bang your manager?

Mom.

I'm sorry. Make love to him.

Not an option.

How did this happen?

My brother's an addict, my fiancé's an enabler,

my daughter can't keep a job.

I'm so tired of being everybody's rock.

Oh, my God.

Ooh, Ray and Adam went to the gym,

and now they're having smoothies.

What the hell is going on?

Who cares as long as Ray's staying sober?

Yeah. See? It's possible he found a different path.