Young Rock

Good morning, everyone. Good to see everybody.

I am excited to formally announce

my choice of running mate.

The person who I have chosen

to become our next Vice President of the United States

is General Monica Jackson.

- Miss Jackson, quick question. - Miss Jackson.

Who?

Thank you.

Not very good at public speaking.

But General Jackson endorsed your opponent, Senator Taft.

That's right, she did.

And General Jackson and I

have had many differences of opinion in the past.

She said your remake of "Matilda"

lacked the necessary violence

- to be entertaining. - And that was not one of them.

I completely agree with General Jackson on that one.

Guys. Guys, listen.

I understand that this choice today

is one that may surprise a lot of you,

but growing up the way I did,

I learned to really value unique people

with wildly different points of view.

So let me just take a moment,

and take you back to when I was ten years old,

living in Hawaii.

"Instant classic, stunning puppetry".

You hear that, Mom? The puppetry is stunning.

What is it with that ugly thing?

- He's everywhere. - He's E.T.!

- He eats candy and uses the telephone. - _

- I have to see it. - That's E.T.?

Looks like the guy who sells mangoes next to the highway.

It's the eyes.

Mom, can we see "E.T."?

- Please? - Sorry, baby, not today.

I'm recording my audition song for "Star Search".

That's right, you are!

God, they're gonna love your voice.

- What are you singing? - Laura Branigan.

She sings "Gloria".

It's the hottest song of the summer.

- It's gonna be great, trust me. - Okay.

Mom, I don't mean to not be supportive here...

How 'bout we go tomorrow?

- - Dewey, don't make that face.

What if the wind changes? You'll get stuck that way.

I accept that you don't want me to do adult stuff...

I don't like it, but I accept it.

But this movie is for kids.

At least let me do kid stuff.

- Maybe your dad can take you. - Okay!

Here are the showtimes. 10:00, 10:30, 11:00...

Babe, I can't take him to the movies.

I gotta go over the match for Lia's Battle Royale.

- So take him after. - I can't after.

- I gotta run an errand. - What errand?

Oh, this guy came to me with

a business opportunity the other day.

You wrestle for me, you'll be my number one guy.

Greg Yao. My info's on the card.

No big deal. Which shirt do you like?

What look are you going for?

Professional cool.

Like Sidney Poitier going to court.

Beige turtleneck. Corduroy pants.

- Done. -

- Oh, it's on! - 9:30, 10:00...

Mom's big announcement.

Your one-stop shop for local Hawaiian sports.

I'm Terry, and with me, as always,

is the Washaki from Kapolei: The Chief.

They call me The Chief

and I like the beef.

And in the studio today, we have the Queen

of Polynesian Pacific Pro Wrestling,

Lia Maivia,

with some huge news for Hawaii wrestling fans.

And mahalo, Terry.

I just want to say to all your listeners

that they should hold onto their butts.

It's going to be the greatest

Battle Royale in history.

I got a hand on each cheek.

Now, Lia, what about local promoter Greg Yao.

He worked for your late husband

Peter Maivia for years

and has now become your competitor.

_

Ooh.

So you're not concerned

he poached two of your best guys,

King Kong Bundy and Junkyard Dog,

signing them to exclusive contracts.

My guys... Soulman Rocky Johnson,

André the Giant, the Wild Samoans,

Macho Man Randy Savage...

they are the toughest and the meanest guys out there.

My late husband Peter Maivia...

I love you, Peter.

I miss you, High Chief.

He was a real chief

and true king of Hawaii wrestling.

And that's why I am here

to announce on the "Terry Show"...

"Terry and The Chief".

That I am putting Peter's championship belt

where no other wrestler has ever

held since his passing,

on the line for the winner.

Let me guess, you're auditioning

- for "Star Search"? - How'd you know?

So are they.

Well, except for that guy.

Actually, he just comes in every week and reads the Bible.

"And the hand of the Lord was on me

and carried me out in the spirit of the Lord".

Hey André. You're European.

What you think of my outfit?

I like it, Boss.

You look like, uh,

Columbo from the TV, huh?

Don't arrest me, Monsieur Columbo!

All right, let's start.

- First... - Grandma?

- Yes, Dewey? - Is this meeting over?

No, I've just started.

Is there somewhere you need to be?

Yeah, "E.T."

Play E.T. with Francine.

- - Wrap her up in a blanket

and she can be E.T.

I could take Dewey for the afternoon.

Really? Dad, can I go with André?

Please?

- Sure, it's okay with me. - Yes!

No, André, you need to hear the plan.

André plan always the same, huh?

André wrestle, everyone hit André with chair.

André leave, non?

Yeah, good. That's it.

Formidable. Allons-y, mon ami.

Buh-bye, Columbo.

Okay, so if we drive really fast

we can make it to the 1:30 "E.T." at Pearlridge...

André doesn't like movie.

You don't like movies?

- André prefer books. - Books?

André has an even better plan than movie.

We are going to do my favorite thing, huh?

I didn't know it then, but my day with André

was about to change my perspective on everything.

Okay, Battle Royale.

As you all know, the winner takes Peter's belt.

And then we get a new champion.

First thing, everyone's in the ring.

Get rid of the jobbers,

and then it's down to our eight stars.

Sergeant Slaughter, you will be eliminated

by Ricky Steamboat after a high-crossbody.

Great, see you all at the bar.

While Steamboat fires up the crowd,

Rocky, you hit him with a dropkick, boom!

- Right out of the ring. - I love it.

I'll stick the landing like Nadia Comaneci.

Sheik, you will have Macho Man in a Camel Clutch,

then toss him out.

Your Sheiky Baby always delivers.

Rocky and The Wild Samoans make quick work of Sheik.

Can I wave to my girlfriend in the front row?

- No. - That will upset her.

Then after the Samoans attack André with chairs,

Rocky joins in and the three eliminate the Giant.

The Wild Samoans turn on Rocky.

Sika holds Rocky up as Afa charges.

Rocky backbody drops Afa over the top rope.

The fifth time this month.

Think I would know better.

Rocky hits Sika with the big Soulman right hand

and out he goes.

Rocky will be the new champ.

Faamalo, Rocky.

- Malo, Rocky. - Malo, malo.

- - Well done.

Lia,

I'm honored.

It's what Peter would have wanted.

What are we gonna do,

give it to the Sheik?

There is a fly on this danish.

You jabronis never close box.

It's been a rough few weeks, Rocky.