Skins

Shut it!

Jal, ok?

No repeats. Don't get ahead.

No! Mezzo.

Fucking mezzo for fuck's sake!

Jesus Christ, Kevin. Lose the sodding chewing gum, you twat!

Trumpets, fucking keep up.

Kevin, oi!

Shit! Wank! You useless frigging tosser. See me after.

Now accelerando. Fucking accelerando.

Bollocks, bollocks.

Let's try the concerto now. It's such a lovely competition piece.

Do you think you can handle it?

Dunno.

You'll win if you can pull it off. Hand me the piano part.

Um, Claire?

Oh, hi, Doug.

Can I have a word?

Sure. What's up?

Um... We've had a couple of complaints about the orchestra.

Well, the brass section is a little rough

but then Gershwin's deceptively difficult.

No, no, no. It's more of a... a language problem

with, well, with the swearing.

Swearing?

Yes. I was listening outside and there was quite a bit of swearing.

Oh, well, I'll have a word with them. Ok?

It's just...

Yes.

- No problem. - Fine. Thanks.

Oh, you know Jal... our Young Musician Of The Year finalist.

No, I... well done.

And you'll sort out the swearing?

I'll get to the bottom of it, Doug.

Yes. Thank you.

Ok, let's try the allegro.

Ok.

And one, two, three, one, two.

Yes, and hold it, hold the phrase.

Yeah! Fuck my donkey, that's good!

'Day 97 and Majika isn't happy at how Kinky treated her

'during the penis test.

'She gets together with Jakelia, Bubbins and Tibo to talk things over.

'She is such a bitch.

'Total bitch.

'Bitch. Check out those tits. My God, she's such a liar.

'Slag. She had them done.

'Slag.

'What I'd like to do to that whore, I'd like to...

'... right? And then I'm gonna peel her top off and I'm gonna...

Michelle?

Mmm?

Do you have to do that?

What?

Suck Tony's face off in public all the time.

She loves me. Yeah, babe?

Yeah.

We're supposed to be going shopping!

Michelle.

I wanna hump you silly.

We're just gonna, um, nip upstairs.

I need to go shopping.

What for?

A dress for Jal's music competition.

This won't take long.

Jesus, are they gonna?

Fuck this.

Hi.

Is, uh, Tony in?

Pretty much.

Oh. I'll just, uh, wait.

You know, hang out.

Is that all you do, Sid? Hang out with Tony?

Pretty much. And Michelle.

Yeah. Michelle.

Come on. Going shopping.

I don't shop.

Shut up. You'll have to do.

I'll have to do?

Fucking hell.

In here.

What?

Jesus, come on!

Get this.

Looks nice, yeah.

No, it fucking doesn't. I can't breathe properly, look.

How am I supposed to play clarinet in a fucking dress?

- Zip. - Just wear normal stuff.

It's the Young Musician Of The Year.

In, uh, where? Bedminster?

In Britain. I've gotta fix up.

Zip.

It's in your arse, Jal.

For Christ's sakes, are you gonna help me here or not?

It won't move.

Aaah!

What's wrong with you?! Come on!

Oh, God!

Oh, Christ. Let me get hold of it.

Hurry!

Oh, that's it! Oh, that's it.

She, uh, didn't like it. Too small.

Yes.

You're disgusting.

It's Lynx.

Woah...

- It's not right. - It's fine. It's just a dress.

You really know how to talk to a girl, Sid.

- Do I? - No.

Oh.

When are you going to stop moping over Michelle?

What?

Oh, is it that obvious?

She's your best friend's girlfriend, Sid, and it's a little bit weird.

How's this gonna happen?

Um... Well, ok, right,

we're out, yeah, and she is drunk,

you know, totally mentalled and mistakes me for Tony in the dark,

and her hands are everywhere.

Everywhere - all over my body

and she goes crazy when she realises my tongue's double jointed.

But by then it's too late and we go at it like animals until...

- For fuck's sake! - Well, don't ask if you don't want to know.

I want a cookie.

Double super choc sprinkle surprise, please. What?

There's more to life than sex, eh?

You and me both.

Huh?

Oh, come on. It's not like you're getting any, either.

You've got your Young Musician Of The Year. I've got chocolate-chip cookies.

Deal with it.

Don't push me, don't push me Cos this shit just won't stand

I spit some shit you won't believe The opposite of bland

Cos I am the man

And you won't understand...

Hey, buttas, why you messin' my flow? You get me?

I'm trying to do some fucking practice.

Who's stopping you, mootbag?

Yo, you're all up in our beat, Sister.

This is big brother business. Ya know what I'm sayin'?

I think I do, Ace. And what I'm saying is shut the fuck up. Ok?!

Raas!

Duck out, waste gash. You come in 'ere chattin', wet on our tune.

Agh!

What did you do that for?

Agh! She did it again!

Don't be calling our sister no waste gash, nigga.

Sorry.

Yo, Jal. We got some serious bars goin' down.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out. Drop a beat, Don.

Yeah, man, but everyone's hittin' me an' ting.

Drop a beat, Don.

It's all blessed. Chill, innit?

Yeah, man. Yeah. Blood, do you want me to rep my endz?

Yeah, rep it, rep it, rep it, rep it, rep it!

Check it out, Sis.

Make some noise, milky man! Check it!

Don't be comin' in my face Talking 'bout feminism

I'll put you in your place with my blatant sexism

Take my hench piece out of my larder

Cos to me "No" means "Yes" and "Yes" means...

Harder!

Cha, cha

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Where my ladies at?

Tupac and Biggie RIP

Tupac and Biggie got more money than me

Even though they're dead...

Hi, Jayvon. Where's the boss?

Nice dress.

- No, I like it. It's... it's brown. - Oh, thanks, Jayvon. And it's green.

Is it? Are you sure?

Oh, fuck it, I dunno.

Check this out. I put on the music,

- playing some Marvin Gaye... - Dad?

- Dad. - I said, "You don't know Marvin?"

Jal. What's happening?

Hey, it's the blessed child.

I can't practise because my fucking brothers are banging out dumb hip-hop.

Boys need practice too.

Yeah, them boys need plenty of practice, you know what I'm saying?

For sure, cos those pussies are bad. And I mean fucking bad.

They're doing their ting.

We didn't sound so cool way back when.

Yes, but we had tune. And you had talent.

Maybe you lost it.

Ooh. You hear that? "Maybe you lost it."

Ronny, um, I don't think you introduced me.

No? Um, yeah, Jal, this is Alicia.

Hi.

I'm so excited. Your dad's going to remix one of my tracks for me.

Yeah? Has he shown you his special slider yet?

Ooh!

No, not yet.

I've got my competition on Saturday. Not that you care.

Rooty tooty music. Maybe you like dancing for whitey.

If you say so, Dad. Nice to meet you.

Oh, shite! She get you, man. She get you good!

What? What's wrong?

She's got some serious attitude.

And she's looking more like her mother every day.