Mom

- Hey. - Hey.

- How was work? - (sighs) I hate the lunch shift.

It's always foreign tourists, and they never tip.

Some day when I have money, I'm gonna travel

to all their countries and stiff every last one of 'em.

My day sucked, too.

I went to 3A to fix his ceiling fan,

and he doesn't know my name.

Can you believe 3A doesn't know my name?

Where'd the fancy cookies come from?

I swiped 'em from Adam's.

I was particularly generous last night, so I figured he owed me.

It really is tit for tat with you, isn't it?

- Yummy. - Let me try.

Mmm. They are yummy.

There's an interesting flavor in the background.

- Is it mint? - I don't think so.

Carob?

No.

Carob's more like crappy chocolate.

Oh.

Maybe they're gluten-free.

Ugh. People ask for gluten-free at the restaurant all the time.

I always lie and say I watched the chef de-glute it myself.

What is gluten anyway?

If I'm not mistaken, it's a chemical compound

derived from the ass of the wheat plant,

which is the glute.

Why do you make up facts?

Why can't you just say, "I don't know"?

: I don't know.

You realize I was, like, 20 years old

before I found out carrots don't make your hair grow?

I got you to eat carrots, didn't I?

My point is my whole life, you did nothing but lie to me.

I lied 'cause I love you.

You lied because you're Bonnie Plunkett.

Oh, honey, I'm not really Bonnie Plunkett.

I knew it!

: Your skin is so amazing.

It's like... porcelain...

but not toilet porcelain.

Tea cup porcelain.

I love your voice.

It is so soothing.

Yeah.

Sometimes I just listen to myself...

... and I'm soothed.

- Oh, my God! - What?

I was just hit by an intense wave of love for you.

You're my mom!

Get in here.

- Mmm. - Mmm.

Can I ask you a personal question?

Of course.

What would chairs look like

if our knees bent the other way?

That was the best shower of my entire life.

I felt every drop of water

meander down my body in little rivulets.

Rivulets.

Great word.

Look at this.

Rivulets.

What?

This courtyard is a missed opportunity.

You're right.

What?

This should be a transitional space.

I mean, you're out there

in the world,

you're stressed, you're worried.

And before you get to your apartment,

you have to walk through here.

Something should whisper...

: "You're almost home."

Wind chimes?

Yes! Wind chimes!

Ooh, Adam has some hanging on his balcony.

I'll do something tricky

with my tongue and an ice cube and take 'em.

I bet you're gonna marry him.

I bet I am, too.

Oh, God.

You're gonna marry Adam, and I'm gonna be here all alone.

That's not true. You're not gonna be able

to afford this place without me.

You're right.

I'm sad now.

Me, too.

I know.

Let's skip.

- Skip? - Yeah.

It's impossible to be sad if you're skipping.

Hey! It's working! (chuckles)

Come on.

What is that?

- Skipping. - No, it's not.

That's a w...

Woman having a seizure.

How can you not know how to skip?

My mother never taught me!

Shame on her!

Now, step.

Hop. Step.

Hop. Step.

- (whimpering) - Hop.

- Step. Hop. - Hop.

- Step. Hop. - Hop.

- Step. Hop. Step. - Oh.

- Oh! - Step! Hop!

Look at me! I got it! Oh!

I can skip! I can skip!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, we better go to the meeting.

- Let's skip there! - (gasps)

We so have to do that.

We forgot our purses.

4,007, 4,008, 4,009, 4,010.

4,010 skips from our apartment to the meeting.

And for every one of them, I wish that I had a sports bra.

Oh.

I mean, I keep waiting for my life to get easier,

but these last few weeks, I feel like

I've been in a bottomless pit of sadness.

: She should skip.

Anyway,

sorry for being such a downer lately.

Thanks for listening.

Who else would like to share?

Hi. I'm Bonnie. I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Bonnie.

First of all, I want to apologize for being late 'cause

you are all very important to me.

Even this woman who I've never seen before.

- What is your name? - June.

You are very important to me,

and that is a lovely name.

Thank you?

That hasn't been the case for most of my life.

I was important to me.

My daughter, of course, sometimes,

was important to me,

but not much else.

But this...

This...

This is important to me.

And I guess it's kind of hitting me right now

as I'm talking in my soothing voice.

Two years into my fifth time

getting sober,

I finally get it.

I want to be here.

And for that, I need to thank you.

And you and you and you and you

and June.

I'd like to follow that if I may.

Okay.

Hi. I'm Christy. I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Christy.

Picking up on what she said,

I want to talk about what I had for lunch today.

I usually just get a green salad,

but today, I got a Chinese chicken salad.

Which I've always been suspicious of because,

how does a Mandarin orange work in a salad?

But here's the thing... it does.

And so do the cashews.

And so do the wontons.

You see where I'm going here, man.

If an orange and a cashew can work together in a salad,

why can't different kinds of people

work together in the world?

I made her.

Now, you're probably wondering,

"Why a salad? Why not soup?"

And to that I say, don't get hung up on the metaphor.

I could do this whole thing all over again with soup.

You keep coming back, June.

Thank you.

Remember what I told you.

Right.

I love that woman!

Where's Marjorie?

She and Victor went out to dinner

for their wedding anniversary.

Oh! Oh, that is so nice.

That means they'll be having old-people sex.

Ugh.

Damn it!

All the cupcakes are gone.

How the hell am I supposed to stay sober without cupcakes?

Relax. I've got artishional cookies.

Artisanal.

I think it's artishional.

I know for a fact it's artisanal.

I don't like your blouse.

Ooh, I'll take one.

Give me. Mmm.

- Mmm. - (sniffles)