Fart: A Documentary

**

Uh, Dad say, "No more farts! "

**

* When she farts, it's always funny *

* Even if it smells

* When I fart, it's only sometimes funny *

* Depending on a lot of factors *

* But when the dog farts, it can be hilarious *

* To downright goddamn dangerous *

* That air is toxic

* Better hold your breath

* Dog farts

* How unfortunate, oh

* Dog farts

* Someone open a window

* Dog farts

* I think he woke himself up *

* With that one

I thought, at last!

Somebody's making a film about farting.

That's been a long time coming.

I have to say at first when you said that you were gonna do

a documentary on farting, and I thought,

- Oh, my. Yeah. - Who's gonna want to watch that?

The first thing I said was, "How can I be a part of this?"

* Dog farts

* How can a creature so little *

- * Dog farts - * Make a smell so huge?

Because it's-- it's a very interesting subject

and-- and underexplored,

and it's worthy of closer attention.

- ( farting ) - ( audience laughs )

I'm now going to warm up-- warm up my sphincter myself

with a bit of classical music.

Man: My name is--

Do you want my real name, or both names?

Real name is Paul Oldfield.

But my alter ego, because like any superhero

I need an alter ego when I perform

my superhuman abilities.

- ( farting ) - Man: Oh!

So I metamorphasize into Mr. Methane.

Male interviewer: How-- how do you--

how do you prepare yourself before you perform?

Um, I've been upstairs in the dressing room

doing lots of stretches and warm-ups.

- Okay. - So, I've been tensing

using abdominals so we're now fully relaxed.

- Okay, I see. - So, uh...

They say in Spain and Brazil, Señor Matano.

Okay, so, uh-- uh, what kind of activity are we gonna see first?

First of all,

I've got a little bit of fine talcum powder

and I'm going to sprinkle a little bit on my bottom

so people can actually see that I am breaking wind.

- Okay, so it's not a fake. - That's exactly--

Because obviously people sat at home...

- Uh... - ( audience laughing )

- These... - Yeah.

These-- these-- these people over here,

they've got what we call "ringside seats."

- Yeah. - ( laughing )

Okay.

Okay.

A little bit of talcum on the bottom.

There we go.

- Like that. - Okay.

Is it-- I haven't got a rearview mirror.

- Is the, um... - It looks very nice.

Is it well-covered?

- Okay. - Yes, it's fantastic.

- Here we go. - Thank you.

In Australia, I-- down under,

I hold the record for the most amount of complaints

to a television show.

From five... Five,

All: Four, three, two, one.

All right! Very good.

**

* Can you guess where this comes from? *

Obviously, there is a Mr. Methane website out there.

'Cause, if you're not on the web now, well, that's it.

- You're not in business. - ( farting )

Male announcer: The world's windiest website.

Man: Lovely. Lovely.

My background field is actually American literature.

But I developed an interest in American humor.

I run the creative writing program here.

And I teach a module on how to write humor.

Farting, I happen to know,

features throughout the history of humor.

I mean, I did a project a few years back where

I went in search of the oldest joke in the world.

Um, we-- well, you can't actually find the oldest joke in the world

but the oldest joke that I could find--

the oldest recorded joke, in other words,

the oldest one-liner, if you like,

is actually a fart joke.

Man: Jim Dawson is my name, and I write books.

I write books on, uh--

mainly non-fiction books.

Well, farting was, it was--

it was a fairly unexplored topic

back in 1997 and '98

when I wrote, "Who Cut The Cheese?"

- Cut it! - Who cut the cheese?

And when I pitched it to my agent,

he-- he was extremely happy to state,

he says, "I think we can sell this book."

It seems to be, as far his humorous potential,

it seems to be fair the ubiquitous, I think,

across cultures and throughout history.

And so, the oldest recorded joke

is a fart joke

and fart jokes are featured in jest books

throughout the ages.

It's about 4,000 years old.

And I'll tell you that joke if you want to hear it.

Female interviewer: Yeah, I do. I want to hear it.

It's not...

- Don't expect too much of it. - No, it's 4,000 years old.

It's all the-- exactly, and it's the-- like all humor,

it's context dependent, I suppose.

But it goes,

"Something that's never been known since time immemorial

is a young lady who didn't break wind in her husband's embrace."

- Now, you're not laughing, are you? - No.

That's usually the response I get to that.

Well first of all, there's the sound of it.

Or the sounds of the funny little things...

- ( farting ) - ...that come out of it.

- ( farting ) - Oh!

Woman: Yeah, because--

Or it's 'cause that they produce an embarrassing noise.

- ( fart ) - Man: Many people...

Woman: Try to hide.

Ah, this is awesome!

All right. Here-- here we go. Here we go.

Here.

( rock skipping, ricocheting)

Woman: Wow.

( ricochet sound continues )

- ( farts ) - ( woman laughs )

When would you like to start discussing the said subject?

* The camptown ladies sing that song *

( fart, fart, fart, fart )

No, it is not. You fart anywhere.

You fart anywhere.

In front of everybody.

* The camptown racetrack's five miles long *

I should be able to fart anytime I want.

For God's sake.

- * Gonna run all night - ( farts )

- * Gonna run all day - (farts )

Well, I suppose you don't expect women to fart, do you?

Of course. We have the same pipe works as you do.

* I'll bet my money on the bobtail hag *

( fart, fart, fart, fart )

So what about, um, in the states,

is there a different attitude to-- to farting?

Woman: Some of it's gonna come back up.

Woman #2: ...And once it gets to the stomach,

Woman: It-- from the production

of changing your food to poop.

Man: Have you ever heard of anybody

- lighting a belch? - ( laughs )

Well, that's because it doesn't-

Seriously, it's two different gases.

Lighting a belch.

Probably wasn't funny for the first caveman

that farted on the fire.

I'm just saying.

Steve Baxter: Anyway, going back to the basis of farting,

it's-- it's a-- a metabolic process.

Quite natural.

So why do people find it obnoxious?

- Well, the thing is-- - It's rude!

it's a bit like smoking, isn't it?

When you smoke, you affect other people.

And when you fart, you can affect other people.

No, I think it's a problem of education.

Just people, society has established

that you don't do this thing in front of people,

and that's it.

But there are some people that do it.

Because men like noises.

Or a reaction.

And I have to wa-- I have to wait

to expect-- expect is the word,

I have to expect that my fart will be a silent one.

- So nobody hears it. - ( laughing )