black-ish

After 20 years of marriage and 5 beautiful kids,

Bow and I had hit a rough patch...

You know what?

I am... starting to realize

that you and I see the world differently.

Which, over time, had gotten worse...

I think we need space.

I think you're right.

Until finally...

I think we need more than just space.

I think so, too.

How the hell did we get here?

I don't know.

- Hello, my darling. - Hi!

So Dre and I were trying to lead separate lives.

But when your lives are as intertwined as ours,

being separate isn't so easy.

You're not seriously considering

leasing that house on Coldwater.

You mean my dream house in the hills?

Yes, I seriously am.

It's a terrible house for children.

What are you talking about? The kids loved it.

I don't know about a glass house, guys.

I've already seen five birds kill themselves

by running into a window.

Oh. Six.

Uh, can somebody help me get down?

Yes, neighbors.

Pretend I'm not watching.

Live your lives.

Huh. Wonder what this does.

Devante!

Diane liked it.

I'm not comfortable with my toddler

wandering around a house that has an open fire pit.

Fire pit?

It's an infinity fireplace,

which is illegal in America, which makes it great.

I don't think you should be making huge decisions

that involve our kids without me.

Oh, so you don't think I can take care of our kids?

Let's not forget Junior cracked his head on your watch.

- It was 15 years ago. - It still happened, Bow.

Who knows the kind of relationship

I could have with him if he was right?

You know what? I'll see you in two days

- when you pick the kids up. - Hey.

I don't have time for this.

It's 4:57,

and I have the kids until 5:00.

So I'm not going anywhere just yet.

Hey!

Who wants to play catch for three minutes?!

- Really, Dad? - Yeah.

I never thought I'd hear you say those words.

Where's my glove? Oh, God.

It's got to be in here somewhere.

I can't find it!

For the love of God, where's my glove?!

- Here it is. - Oh.

Too late.

It's 5:00.

I got it...

"Life is a buffet. Eat up."

Uh, it's catchy,

but the whole point of this slogan

is to get people to stop eating detergent packs.

Well, that's easy.

Just stop making them taste like shrimp.

I mean,

who's the smart box over there running that company?

Hey, hey, all right, this is Bow. Let me take this.

- Uh-oh. - Hello?

I'm working.

Yeah, that means I'm at work.

Oh, guys, we really shouldn't be watching...

Shut up.

- Can anyone read lips? - No.

But I can see dead people.

Who's that guy standing next to Dre?

Ooh! He just said something

that he cannot take back.

Crops are not gonna grow on that field for years.

- I cool. I cool. - Shh!

- Uh, wow. - I can't believe Bow.

Jack is in trouble at school

because he left his homework in my car

and somehow that's my fault.

She's judging me on everything that I do,

and now she's giving me pushback

- on the house that I want. - Mm.

Dre, listen to me, your problem is

that you're still thinking married

when you should be thinking single.

A single man doesn't go out and get a sensible ranch house.

A single man gets the biggest,

most baller house he can find.

I agree with Leslie.

Time you got your dream home.

- I'm getting that house. - Yeah.

- I deserve my 360 views of the city. - Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I've earned a rooftop hot tub!

- Yes, you have! - Yeah!

I'm gonna get that infinity fireplace!

Whoa, Dre.

- You have a toddler, man. - Come on. Use some judgment.

Infinity fireplace aside, the guys were right.

I needed to start thinking single.

And without Dre around,

I had to get used to dealing with the trash...

Come on!

Dealing with the dog...

Here we go.

Oh, Dad usually takes two.

And dealing with things that go bump in the night.

Oh, my God.

- Mom?! - Kids?!

- Mom! - Mom!

- What's happening? - I don't know!

- Is someone here? - Yes? No?

I mean, well, there's alarms going off, so probably!

Yes, okay. Um... Um, yeah, okay, everybody in my room!

- Okay, come on. - No, no, no, no, no!

Don't come in my room. No, no, no.

Everybody, okay. Go to your rooms.

- Spread out! - All right.

They have to find each of us and pick us off separately! Go!

Uh, maybe it's only a false alarm?

Okay, yes. Okay, Ruby, you go check.

Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh. I'm what they really want.

- Guys, it's gonna be okay. - No, it's not!

No, it is not. Okay, everybody, you know what?

- Spread out! - Run! Go!

- I love you! I love you! - Come on!

Zigzag! You'll be harder to catch!

Hey! Hey! Help!

Okay, okay.

Next time make sure the door is completely closed.

Thank you. Yeah.

You didn't handle that well.

Yeah, that's what, uh...

that's what he said.

I'm sorry.

Just, it's a new alarm system and...

- We've had it for years. - Yeah.

It's the same one I've been disabling

since seventh grade to sneak out.

But you know what? Don't worry about it.

- You're doing great, Mom. - I don't...

believe you.

So while Bow was struggling,

I was killing it in my dope house.

I mean, I didn't sell drugs out of it,

but it looked like I did.

Now I needed my kids to respect Castle Dre.

Stop!

Denim shall never touch this couch.

Lay a towel down.

Great idea, Dad.

- Mm-hmm. - Except you don't have any towels.

Well, stay standing, smart guy.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Unh-unh, unh-unh, unh-unh.

- What? - Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy.

You drink that at the sink or in the bathtub.

- Okay. All right. - Okay? Thank you.

Uh, no shoes in the house.

Fine. I'll go walk around the hills, then.

I'm sure somebody will give me a ride.

Uh-huh. You do that.

Not me.

Uh-oh.

Uh...

why don't we go cook dinner, okay?

Well, you know, it's taken me a while

to get used to this new kitchen, but...

pretty tasty, right?

I'm still waiting for my turn with the fork.

I think it's great, Dad. I-I love plain chicken.

Nothing fussy. Just hot, dry meat.

Yours is hot?

Hey, what did I tell you?

Don't eat on the couch if you can't afford to replace it.

Well, take me to court, then.

Okay, guys, give Dad a break.

I mean, he thinks he's doing a good job.

Hey, guys, can we just enjoy our time together?

It's awful here, Mom.

Jack and Diane are sharing a fork.

I mean, I wouldn't say "by a thread."

Hold on. Dad's looking at me.

No, I don't think he can hear me.

Wait, wait, wait.

He can definitely hear what I'm saying.

Give me the phone, traitor.

We are doing just fine.

Thank you.

- Can I go? - Yeah, sure.

- You can be excused. - No.

Can I go home?