Inherit the Witch

All right, everybody!

Look what I found!

Who wants to play? Come on!

Come on!

Who wants to play?

You're only young once!

Apparently not.

Oh, okay.

Come on, everybody. Come on, let's play.

Come on. Okay, we'll start on this side.

We'll start on this side. You guys go on that side.

All right, what do we got? What do we got?

Right hand, yellow! Right hand, yellow.

What do we got?

Come on, spin it! Spin it!

Right hand, red!

Right hand, red.

Right hand, red!

Right foot, yellow!

Yeah, we got it.

We got it.

Right foot, blue.

Oh, God.

Yeah. You're doing the splits!

You're doing the splits! Right foot...

Left foot, yellow. Oh, my God.

Left foot. Get that foot over here.

Off we go.

What've we got? Right...

And so what we have to do.

Give me a hand.

And then the other.

Close your eyes.

What are you two up to?

A very special spell for a birthday boy,

on his very special day.

Cool.

A spell?

Are you a witch?

What do you think, Cory?

I guess you have your answer.

Can I have one?

Do you believe in magic?

I don't know.

Come here.

Give me your finger.

What for?

I'm going to make you a spell.

Will it hurt?

That depends on you.

Hm?

- What are you going to do? Drink my blood?

Do you want me to?

I'm bleeding!

You're crazy.

- With a drop of blood bound for good, we two are one.

Cheers.

I can't believe you did that.

What's going to happen?

Bound for good.

Forever?

You have a very special destiny, Rex.

Cory?

Tell the camera how old you are today.

14.

And you, Jessie?

14.

And how old am I?

100.

Only 100?

500!

That's more like it.

Cory.

Think it's time you open my present.

Where are you?

Not too far from Dad's.

When are you coming to get me?

You've got some time yet.

What if I just go there by myself?

You'd get lost.

I can find the place on my own.

Do you even know where you are?

The devil's armpit.

- It's good for you. You know, natural?

- Since when are you so cozy with the wilderness?

I love it. Fresh air, quiet.

The last time I saw you,

you were drinking a martini at the Plaza.

That was a long time ago.

I'm a changed man.

- Have you seen my cologne? - Um, no.

- Besides, Pamela wants us to go to the wake together.

- I guess she couldn't be bothered to come to the funeral.

Why is she organizing things

if she's not even gonna show up?

Who else would?

I don't trust her.

Why?

There have been a lot of stories.

Apparently, she hired guard dogs

to keep the family away from Dad.

Using the house for strange parties.

Who told you this?

Nieces, nephews, lawyers.

Geez.

I don't wanna be involved in all this.

It's what you get,

for being the last of the family line.

Well, what about you?

Why don't you get to experience this joy?

I'm just a half breed.

Mm.

Do you know she tried to make Dad change his will?

Leave everything to her.

- They were married. - No, they weren't.

They might as well have been.

Put yourself in her place.

You like Pamela.

So what?

How can you? She's a total imposter.

- She took care of Dad. Made him happy.

Your problem is you like everyone.

- I don't like you. - Oh, right.

He was a bastard.

- Don't talk like that. - Why do you mind?

He was my dad, too.

- Just because he knocked up your mom on one of his

global fertilizing sprees doesn't mean you know him.

Okay, okay.

- While I got the pleasure of his constant disapproval,

day in, day out.

I can't help feeling you got the better deal.

Look, why don't I just come out to meet you?

I'm not that far from Dad's. I can join you there.

It's too far to walk.

You know we're in the woods, right?

- I haven't had a decent cappuccino in two days.

Trust me. I know.

Another thing to blame Pamela for.

She wanted to be close to home.

That is not her home.

She is living in Dad's cabin.

Not for much longer, she isn't.

Plus, she's a witch.

Excuse me?

A Wicca, I think.

Right. Spells and potions and-

Mm-hm.

You've gotta be kidding me.

- This forest is famous for its witches.

Sybil Leek used to walk through here in black cloaks,

with a jackdaw on her shoulder.

She is crazy.

- They thwarted a Nazi invasion into Britain

in the Second World War.

That's Churchill you're thinking of.

- Who's to say he didn't have a little help?

You're crazy.

Probably.

You are a complete mystery to me.

- We'll have to talk about the inheritance.

I'm meeting the lawyer next week.

Drawing up a list of all the handouts. You, me.

Don't forget Sam.

God. Too many to keep track of.

And Fiona.

Oh, God! No, no.

Sorry. Disaster in the kitchen.

Fiona doesn't count.

She seems to think she does.

What do you mean?

- She's very interested in the house. The business.

You've spoken to her?

- She stopped by yesterday. Picked up a bike.

- You know she emancipated herself, right? When she was 16?

- She said she was gonna cycle over to your place,

sometime today.

- She's had nothing to do with the family for over 20 years.

No, the rich stink.

Vultures like her can sniff money a mile off.

- I'm sure she just read about it in the papers.

There you go, being nice again.

- Hey, have you seen my coin? - What coin?

This one?

No.

Maybe there'll be enough left over

for me to finally buy that house.

White picket fence, and a wife.

2.5 kids.

The American dream.

Uh...

I can't wait to get back to New York.

Civilization.

Wait. What the hell is that?

I don't know. I don't know.

What is it?

- What's that? - The, the smoke alarm.

- Where? - In the kitchen!

God, that's loud.

Crisis averted.