Dare Me

Previously on "Dare Me"...

I owe you a practice.

I want to see you fly.

- What's that? - Hamsa.

You know, they used to believe

it would keep people from cursing you,

especially if they're jealous of the things you have.

Do you ever want things that you can't have?

Shit, I'm jealous every second, every day.

This a party or a home invasion?

It's a squad.

This video we're making needs to be flawless.

Ooh. Oh.

You want that dick.

I'm not into your dick.

Show me what else you got.

Ice bath, it's a top girl rite of passage.

I'm... I'm strong.

You can quit at any point.

Every woman wears a mask.

Coach told me that once.

It's how we face the world.

It's how we face each other.

The mask promises perfection...

And conceals all our flaws.

"But remember one thing," Coach always said.

"Never let your mask fall...

Unless you have another one in place."

Hey, queen. Quit watching yourself. Come stunt with us.

I'm not watching myself.

So damn tight.

Born tight.

You know, I really thought she might come this time.

Enter enemy territory? No way.

Yeah, but what is she doing after practice every day?

Money can't buy you class,

but it sure can buy you a fuckton of inland sushi.

My daughter, the sophisticate.

How did I miss a whole season

of these leathery housewives and their dirty deeds?

You missed nothing.

Carole is gonna forgive Bethenny

'cause Carole has no story without her.

Don't tell me you're on Bethenny's side.

Without Bethenny, Carole's just another thirsty bitch.

But Bethenny is all drama.

And without drama, there is no show.

True that.

I guess somebody's gotta get the bitch edit.

There's no fighting it.

Women can never win.

Eagled up, hey!

Eagles, you know what to do.

Get out your seats and Eagle up too!

Watching the video today and watching myself,

that was the first time I really thought

that we could make it to regionals.

We can. We will.

Should know for sure in a week or so.

Then I guess my good luck charm worked.

Here.

Your hamsa bracelet?

You should have it...

If you want it.

Oh.

Can't say no to magic.

Hey, Mr. Coach.

- Hi. - Hey.

This, uh, still the party or the after-party?

Oh, they're celebrating.

Right, the video, yeah.

Um, thing is, I have this big presentation tomorrow.

Oh, aren't they all big?

I mean, it's Bert Cassidy, right?

Maybe they could go home and watch it with their...

You know, with their parents.

Their parents... are parents.

They don't care.

Come on, 30 more minutes.

Okay, now even JV Pixy Stix are talking about it.

It's real, isn't it?

Real as a heart attack, motherfuckers.

Playland Motel, Friday night.

Ooh, the infamous den of sleaze and statutories.

Remember when we passed by on that fifth grade field trip

and we saw the hooker with the pink dog?

You know, my mom's basically there every night.

Well, you're gonna have to hide your virgin eyes, Addy Hanlon.

We're gonna have to get you a permission slip.

I'm in.

Besides, Faith never minds if I spend the night at your place.

Oh, I meant from your girlfriend, Colette French.

She ain't gonna be approving of the company we'll be keeping.

Were your ears burning?

We're the talk of Cleveland.

Not that hard, it's Cleveland,

but word on the street is, the committee

is hot and bothered over the bid video.

Well, they should be.

I haven't missed a regional since I started coaching,

and I'm not interested in changing that.

Nor I, and I'm glad you took my advice

and did a little Spielberg-ing on that video.

I laughed. I cried.

I didn't.

I didn't break any of the rules. I didn't need to.

Ah, there she is, queen of the jungle.

Schoolgirl on the outside.

Inside, General Patton.

Knew he liked 'em cold,

but necrophilia is a new color for Bert.

You don't mind if I take both my top girls, huh?

All yours.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you as a father and as a booster.

This better be epic and include gifts.

- I got practice. - Not today.

Today I'm taking you someplace I value

even more than practice.

Massage parlor?

Well, a massage of sort, for the mind.

Well, it's as good a day as any to join a cult.

- Address? - You're riding with me.

Let's go. We're late.

Tacy's been waiting in the car for ten minutes.

Okay, huddle up.

New plan for today.

Something came up, so Hanlon is leading the charge.

Conditioning drills, 60 minutes.

Then you're all free to go home early.

Walk me out.

Coach, are you sure this is a good idea?

Tomorrow's Friday.

It's an away game. JV can cover.

If... when... you make it to regionals,

I will show you what it means to work.

Until then, we need to preserve squad strength,

so not waste it on sideline bullshit.

Okay.

Ride 'em hard.

Do me proud.

Check your texts later.

All right, you heard Coach.

Serpents.

I said serpents.

Okay, look,

Beth isn't here and neither is Tacy,

so whatever bad top girl blood you tenderfoots got left,