I Need You to Kill

I remember the first night I got paid real money

I worked at a place inMinniapolis called "The AcmeComedy Club,"

um, run by a guy named Louis Lee

and it was a club I've worked at a lot

and it was always, like, half-full, you know,

and you pour your heart into these shows,

and then they give you like, 800 buck... maybe a 1,000,

and then you go onto the next place.

It's a sad life, you know?

But this one week I sold the place out... I packed every show...

And I had never really done that before,

and at the end of the week, Louis handed me an envelope

with $10,000 in it.

And he said, "This is yours."

And I said, "Why are you giving me this?"

And he said, "It's your money. You brought the people in."

This is where you're at now.

"You, this is how much you should be making a week."

And he gave that to me and Ijust started crying like a baby.

'Cause I got $10,000 for telling jokes, you know?

Emcee: Acme has a podcast. We encourage you to check out called "No Laugh Track."

It's available on Pod being in its interviews

with all the headliners

including the fantastic one we have for you this evening

he was a writer/producer of "Freaks and Geeks,"

and one of the founders of"Mystery Science Theater 3000,".

Please put your hands togetherfor Josh Weinstein.

Ladies and gentlemen, Josh Weinstein.

Josh Weinstein: So hopefully you put together that this is "Acme Comedy Co."

That's me onstage with the unfortunate hair.

Thank you very much.

Josh: I've been headlining here for over 20 years

and while I've never literallycried with joy

over my paycheck like some people,

it's still my favroite place in the world to do standup.

I don't know if there are, like, spirits that haunt this room,

but if there are they love comedy

because this room is just always electric.

You never really know how lucky you are to start at Acme

until you go on the road and everybody's like,

"How the fuck do you get to play Acme?"

It's just a special place.

We opened in November 1991.

I come from, you know, the clubs out of business,

mostly, you know, from the '80s to the mid '90s.

I've seen comic suffer through a lot.

I mean, it was a shame, you know, how people run clubs.

And when I see how bitter the comics were

and I feel like somebody got to do something about it

and make the whole comedy experience

much better for the performer.

The whole week when I first worked it,

I could not believe what was happening at these shows.

Like, I was like, "Why isn't every show like this everywhere?"

He has spent all this time

kind of shaping and molding his crowd how he wants them.

There's not that many clubs that have comedy audiences.

Because Louis has trained them to do that,

they come here to hear ideas.

They come here to hear somethingthat they're like,

"Oh my God. I haven't heard that before."

You do shit... hack stuff...

The laughs go down, you can hear it.

People are like, "Nah, this is easier."

I call myself "business man."

If I wanna make money,

I'd better make sure I have a good product.

But if the person's who performare bitter about it,

the audience will know.

Man: Wendy Liebman's over.

Or Bobcat.

Louise Lee: If I book YZY the first week of March

is he or she is not gonna burn another press

for the following couple weeks.

Or the couple weeks before that.

Both of them are far enough, you know, two weeks after Jake.

And Jake's been here every year for awhile.

- Mm-hmm. - So...

I think that we'll go Liebman first and then Bobcat second.

Yeah, I think it's good.

Great.

He actually loves comedy.

Imagine that, somebody in comedy that actually loves comics.

Tom: Do you think is an Acme brand of comedy at this point?

No, I don't think so.

That's a brand of the comiccreate himself.

Just remember one thing.

Comedy is not a factory.

Comedy is all about the indidual, who they are,

how they discovered themselves, have the voice,

and communicate with the mass.

And, Acme is, hopefully,

I want it to be a good inspiration

for all this artists.

He's a fucking Chinese guy.

It doesn't make any sense.

Josh: So not long ago, said "FuckingChinese guy" tells me

he's planning something I mightbe interested in as a filmmaker.

He was putting together the first ever Acme comedy tour,

which frankly, didn't seem that interesting to me

until he told me where he'd be taking that tour.

Tom: So what were your thoughts when Louis said,

"Hey Chad, I want go take you to Asia"?

Immediately I thought, I'm in.

I got the call from my agent and he goes,

"Hey, Louis is doing this tour to Asia,"

um, you're not his first choice,

but the other guy backed out.

"Do you wanna do it?" I was like,

"First of all, I didn't need to know that,"

like, you coulda just given me the offer.

Didn't need to know that somebody turned it down...

I don't know why you just mentioned that...

"But, yes, I would love to go as a second choice."

I remember I was in a hotel roomin De Moines, lowa,

and I think I ran around the hotel room like,

"Oh my God! I'm going to China. This is crazy."

Like, this is crazy. I'm going to...

Like, the Lee's are going to China.

First time going on the roadwith comics for a week.

Josh: This is Hong Kong.

Officially, it's part of China,

but you won't find a more capitalist place on the planet.

It's one of the world's mostdensily populated cities.

There's over seven millionpeople here,

almost all of them seeminglyworking their asses off

all the time.

As a global hub for both trade and finance,

people come here to work from all over the world.

Bankers, brokers, manufactures, English teachers,

and recently, the occasional comedian.

Tommy.

Where did you learn that from?

I wanted to have something to say to you.

- How are you, man? - That was pretty good.

- Was that right? - Yeah.

The decision to come here

really had nothing to do with performing.

I just wanted to see Hong Kong and Singapore.

- So, I call AT&T... - Yeah.

Before I get... Before I leave and I go,

"Hey, I'm going to Hong Kong and then to Singapore."

I want to have some plan just in case I use my phone,

do I need separate plans

"for Hong Kong and for Singapore?"

And the AT&T lady goes,

"No, they're both in Japan, so you're fine."

Oh my God.

- Oh. - And I was like,

"What do you mean?"

And she goes, "Oh, I'm not really good at geography."

Is that wrong?" And I was like, "Yeah.

Not both... Their not both in Japan."

Hello.

- Mr. Daniels, how're you doing? - How are you? Good.

I figured, like, he's... You know, grew up here,

if he asked me to do it, he must've had a reason.

So if I was gonna be the jackass

that doesn't get a laugh the whole week,

then that's it.

Do we know anything about Pete?

Is he okay? Is he here?

Well, he's find out if he checked in right now.

Hello? 'Herro.'

- 'Herro, ' I can't hear... - He's doing himself.

Can you guys pack up and leave?

We don't like Caucasian have a Chinese name here.

We'll talk about who's gonna go first, second, third.

Each show I would say draw,

unless you guys want to fight it over.

- I don't care either. - I definitely don't care so.

We might have to send wonder boyto the back of the line

so he can clean up our mess.

He's so likeable.

Plus, he walks on stage like, "Finally. One of us."

And then he gets up there like,

- "God damnit." - Disappointment, yeah.

- Oh, look who it is. - Ha, ha, ha.

What time did you guys get in?

Chad: We got in at 'sick' o'clock.

Six... 'sick' o'clock.

So I went to the doctor in New York

because I was concerned about sleeping on this trip.

I already have sleep apnea.

I travel with the machine.

Sleep is the worst for me.

So I got a prescription for Ambien,

uh, and my doctor said... I go,

"Should I do a test of this, you know, before we leave?"

And she goes, "No, you should stay up"

and then just it on the plane

at around the time you would sleep in Hong Kong

"so you're on the right schedule."

I go, "Should I take a half of one?"

And she's like, "Take a whole one."

She's like, "I... because I tooka whole one on a flight",

and it did nothing to me."

So, um, I took a whole one.

And I... I freaked the fuck out.

Like, I thought she was a wolf.