Two and a Half Men

Previously on:

Billy called.

Billy Stanhope?

Yeah, he said he has a business proposition for you.

How 'bout that?

Billy Stanhope...

What went down between you two?

Well, we built Eddie's software company in Bridget's garage

and then sold it for a couple billion dollars.

That son of a bitch.

He didn't want to sell.

You really think we can finally build the electric suitcase?

Yes, we have the technology now.

I-I just need you to help me write the code.

Hey, you know, while we're on the subject...

What? Peeing? No, sex.

There's something you should know.

It's about your ex-wife.

What? Bridget?

Yeah, I'm, uh...

kind of sleeping with her.

What?! W-Wait, hey...

Mom, this is Alan.

Alan, this is my mom, Jean.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

You know what? Tell you what.

I will call my mom and try to set up a dinner.

Evelyn says there's a place right down the street

where they have music and dancing.

Why don't you two fuddy-duddies run along

and let Jean and I have some fun.

You think we'll find some cute fellas to dance with?

Oh, Jean, Jean, Jean...

we're not going to dance.

I adore your mother.

That's only because you just met her.

I don't know.

I think I got to know her pretty well.

Good morning, darling.

Hi, Peaches.

* Men...

Great. I'll pick you up at the airport.

I can't wait.

I love you, too.

Tell Zoey I said "hi."

Oh, Alan says "hi."

Yes, he's still here.

Uh-huh. I know. You're right.

She says "hi" back.

Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.

Here you go.

Oh, thank you.

You got to be excited about having your girlfriend back.

What has it been, a month? Three weeks.

Still, that's like a decade in penis years.

Yeah.

Tell you the truth, I'm actually a little bit worried.

About your relationship?

Come on. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

At least for guys like you.

For guys like me, absence is more often enforced

by the state of California.

Zoey doesn't know that I started a new software company

with my old partner.

Yeah, with Billy, I know. What's the big deal?

Well, there's a third partner...

that Zoey's not gonna like.

Walden...

you made me a partner?

All I did was bring you two guys together,

The third partner is Bridget.

Your ex-wife?

Come on, I brought you two guys together!

But she helped me design the original code

for the software; I had to bring her in.

Oh, right, right.

Well, I guess that would make a very awkward conversation

with Zoey.

Yeah. I think I'm just gonna try

to slip it in without her noticing.

Hmm. Story of my life.

Well, listen, just remember,

that love will get you through times of no money

better than money will get you through times of no love.

That's good advice.

Thank you.

And, uh, just to be clear...

uh, I have zero stake

in this potential billion-dollar business?

Well, actually, I was gonna give you

a hundred shares of founders' stock.

Wow.

If this thing works, it could be worth millions.

Thank you.

My problem is I still got to figure out

how to explain this to Zoey.

Dump the bitch. Don't let her screw this up for us.

Once again, thank you for the advice.

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

I've got my own little relationship problem brewing.

Yeah, that doesn't make me feel better.

My girlfriend's mom and my mom

have become lovers.

: Okay, that does make me feel better.

* Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men *

* Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh

* Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh

* Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... *

* Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men *

* Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men *

* Ah. * Men. * Men.

* Men...

Can I ask you a question? What?

If we just had sex in England,

would I be lying on the other side of the bed?

Oh, God, I've missed you.

I missed you, too.

And you can call me Walden.

So, what have you been up to?

Actually, I've been, like, very, very busy.

With what?

I started a new software company

with my old partner Billy Stanhope.

Walden!

Yeah. That's terrific!

It's amazing and, and

we built this amazing product.

It's called the electric suitcase.

I-It's gonna completely revolutionize

the global energy market.

Whoa. Sounds big.

No, it's bigger than big. I mean, the three of us

could end up splitting billions of dollars.

The three of you?

What?

You just said the three of you.

Y-Yes, there are in fact three of us.

Who's the third?

Oh, not Alan.

No, God, no.

So, who is it?

It's Bridget.

Your ex-wife?

There's nothing I could do.

I mean, she helped write the original code for the software

so she still owns a third of it.

So you've gone into business with a woman

who drove her car into your living room

because you chose me over her?

Crazy world, huh?

On the plus side...

s-she's sleeping with my ex-partner. So...

Why is that a plus side?

B-Because she's with him,

so you don't have to worry about me and... her.

I wasn't worried about you and her. Good.

Until just now.

Why didn't you tell me about this before we had sex?

Do you want to have sex now?

No! That's why!

I'm going home.

Oh, come on, Zoey.

Don't make a big deal out of this.

If I told you I was going into business with my ex-husband

would you consider it a big deal?

No, not at all.

You're a liar.

Life would be so much easier if I dated dumb chicks.

I heard that.

It was a compliment.

Here you go.

Thank you. So..

have you given any thought as to what we're gonna do

about our little... mother situation?

Golden Girls Gone Wild?

Hey... what can we do? They're grown woman.

They've made a lifestyle choice.

I have no problem with the lifestyle.

I've tried the lifestyle.

Really?! When?

Who? College? Camp?

Shut up, Alan.

Sorry. Go ahead.

How am I supposed to have a relationship with you

when your mother is clearly taking sexual advantage of mine?

H-Hang on a second.

I don't think anyone is taking advantage of anyone.

You don't?

A week ago my mother was living in a retirement community

playing golf with her girlfriends

and watching reruns of Cagney & Lacey.

Well, I don't know.

Golf, Cagney & Lacey...

Sounds like she was already halfway there.

Shut up, Alan.

Oh, good, you're here.

Mom!

What have you done to yourself?

Evelyn took me shopping.

Do you like my new look?