The Cleveland Show

¶ right back in my hometown ¶

¶ with my new family ¶

¶ there's old friends and new friends ¶

¶ and even a bear ¶

¶ through good times and bad times ¶

¶ it's true love we share ¶

¶ and so I found a place ¶

¶ where everyone will know ¶

¶ my happy mustached face ¶

¶ this is the cleveland show. ¶

Oh, this dinner party is going to be so much fun.

I get to be with my drinking buddies

And you get to be with their wives.

I can't believe you've never been to tim's pad before.

Arianna was pretty judgmental about me being a single mother.

She always used to ask me

How it felt to tear apart the fabric of american society.

How did it feel?

I'm just kidding.

In her defense, you were driving down real estate values.

But not anymore.

Prince charming has arrived.

Last looks.

Any chives?

They're all over.

What were you eating?

Chives.

Hey, everybody.

Who's your friend, holt?

Name's fabrizia.

Doesn't speak english.

But check out those front air bags, huh?

I'm gonna get in a wreck tonight, right?

Don't worry, I'll be all right.

Cleveland knows what I'm talking about.

Uh, her, uh... (humming)s?

Holt: Count it.

Hey, lester, where's your gross wife?

Kendra: I'm out here.

The bears ain't got no rascal ramp.

So you're just going to sit outside?

I don't mind.

This way, I don't got to be so conscious about my gas.

There it is.

Well, that was... Food.

I wish we could stay longer, but...

Okay, celebrity!

Only clue you can't give is their name.

Males against females.

Vorresti scopare o no?

Yeah, you're attractive, too.

Che cos'e?

: Whoa! You speak italian?

Don't ask her anything about our relationship.

She's a liar!

Lui mi deve settanta-cinque dollari per un'ora.

She says you owe her $75 for one more hour.

We had a bet that tim would want to play celebrity.

: You were right.

Non so che cosa ti ha detto, ma io sono prostituta.

There was no bet.

She is a prostitute.

Huh.

Come on, fellas, let's wipe the floor with our wives

And this woman holt pays to have sex with.

Let's go, cleveland.

Ooh, somebody's afraid her team's going to lose.

"oh, I'm a girl.

"I'm bad at games and math.

And comedy."

Here we go.

He was in the tv show combat with vic morrow.

Rick jason. Next.

He had a band... Dave brubeck. Next.

He was the shortest man in the... Michu, next.

He played shortstop for the minnesota t...

Roy smalley! Roy smalley. Roy smalley.

Time's up. Ha, ha.

Your turn, ladies.

He's married to katie holmes.

He was in risky business,

Top gun, jerry maguire and rain man.

Jumped on oprah's couch!

You gotta be kidding me.

He's a scientologist.

Kendra: My name is earl?

What the...? My name is earl.

Time's up.

You ladies suck.

"suck"?

All: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa-hoa!

Oh!

Well, I think we've all had about enough of this game.

Word!

So what do you say, tim?

How about the boys go downstairs to the den

While you ladies have a tickle fight and talk about cupcakes?

I figure you can never have enough confetti.

So I make my own, and whenever there's a parade,

I grab a couple of handfuls.

Open that drawer over there.

Take a handful.

Take it home with you.

Kendra: Happy new years!

That sure was a fun party.

We have good friends.

You have good friends.

What? Is there something wrong?

No, cleveland. I'm just tired.

And you can quit jabbing me, 'cause I'm going to sleep.

Fine.

Good night, madam.

Oh! Hello, madam!

All right, traps and yappers, shut 'em down.

Before today's assembly,

I have a few short announcements.

Despite the best efforts of our amnesty international club,

Political prisoner lopsang dao was beheaded last night.

You win some, you lose some.

Also, your nominees for student council president are...

(warbling, imitating drumroll)

Cool deaf kid oliver wilkerson...

yeah! I'm gonna win!

And cleveland brown, jr.

Huh. Guess I must be getting popular.

Dude, I nominated your brother as a joke.

Aw, that's mean.

Can you imagine him running for president?

I can't imagine him running.

I answered it last time.

No, I did.

I don't think so.

Cleveland, remember?

I'll get it.

Oh, yeah, you got shot.

I'll get this one.

Hello, cleveland.

Oh, donna, a group of us girls always get together

To watch grey's anatomy

And eat chinese food, just like sandra oh.

Are you free Thursday night?

Yeah, she's free Thursday night.

Actually, cleveland, I have to...

Oh, I'll put rallo to bed.

You go have a great time with my friends' wives.

Just leave my dinner in the oven

And my clothes laid out for the next day before you go.

Good girl.

She is a good girl.

Hey, it's me.

I need to see you.

Call me as soon as you can.

I miss you.

Mmm, nobody needs to see delta burke's anus.

But I guess I did look up what page it was on and turn to it.

Where are you goin'?

It's Thursday.

I'm off to watch grey's anatomy

With arianna and the girls, remember?

Oh, that sounds dreadful.

But have fun.

So, now, donna will be friends with my friends' wives,

Which means I don't have to choose

Between my friends and my wife.

Cleveland (falsetto): Oh. So you're not going to leave her?

I never said I was going to leave her.

Well, maybe I'll tell her about us.

Maybe I'll kill you!

Go ahead. If I can't have you, I'd rather be dead.

Oh, now don't say th...

Rallo, you are having a dream.

Hey, yvette.

There's my girl.

Get your ass in here.

Hey, y'all, it's donna.

Donna tubbs?

We haven't seen you in so long,

We thought you'd run off and found yourself a man.

Do I look like I've got a husband

And an overweight stepson? Uh-uh.

Now give me a drink, it's ladies' night.

She's back.

Ugh, enough about robert.

How's your ex?

Girl, we're still fighting over custody of the kids.

Really? Yeah, he still wants me to take 'em.

Ah! Ah!

Men.

They're only good for one thing...

Opening jars. Opening jars.

I haven't had a pearl onion in years.

Now we don't need men at all.

Yes!

Junior, boys shouldn't be rubbin'

On their dad's butt like...