LA to Vegas

Hey, old girl.

You ready to bend gravity over and have our way with it?

Hola, amigo.

I'm Hawaiian.

Sorry. Aloha, amigo.

Listen...

Izzy,

we go way back, so I don't mind saying, you guys are slipping.

Your job is to clean this plane from soup to nuts,

and you're doing a great job on the soup,

but the nuts need a little more attention.

I can't spend my time cleaning my own cockpit.

Unless any of you know how to land a plane

and want to switch jobs.

I'm actually at 1,300 pilot hours, so...

Exactly. So moving forward,

let's see some of that extra effort.

Kobe!

Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

Oh. Look at the bag on this one.

Good luck getting that in the overhead.

Ugh. Tiny white women have no idea how much trouble they are.

You're a nightmare.

Pick me up.

This feels like a trap.

Sorry. I'm so sorry.

Awkward introductions. This is my son, Nate.

He had an accident and escaped mid-change.

Don't worry, all the poop's been wiped off.

It's just standard airport filth on him now.

If I had knees like that,

I'd never take off my pants.

It's his first time coming to L.A. with me,

so, as you can see, it's incredibly stressful.

Oh, well, um, hello, Nate.

- It's nice to meet you. - What are you doing?

You're supposed to let them smell your hand first

so they know you're friendly.

You're thinking of dogs. You don't have

a lot of experience with children, do you?

No, but, in middle school, I did go

to a lot of my friends' baby showers.

Oh, look, Nate.

There's the pilot. He's gonna be flying the big plane.

Captain Dave.

Don't do drugs.

Yet.

Um...

Is that my little Nate-ball?

Oh, I could just snort you up.

Hi there, big boy.

Do you remember us from your birthday party?

I'm your Uncle Artem!

Just "Artem" is fine.

What is that behind your ear?

Oh!

Thank...

Aw. He's a natural.

Yeah.

There he Iz... zy.

Hope you don't mind the tough love before.

No. In fact, it inspired us.

I feel like we did an extra good job today.

Good, good. I mean, obviously, I'll be the judge of that,

but I like the confidence.

Another bit of advice... when you smile about stuff,

it looks suspicious.

_

Are you okay?

I can see your body glitter,

but that usual sparkle is gone.

It wasn't a great weekend. Last night,

I'm at the club wearing my schoolgirl outfit,

ready to dance, and the DJ intro'd me by saying,

"Don't worry, guys, she's legal."

So, legal is no good?

No. Don't you understand?

Before, I was "barely legal."

Now I'm just "legal."

You take out that "barely," and I'm just another

middle-aged girl dancing the brunch shift.

- But, uh... - Oh, my God,

I can smell the middle age on me.

It smells of old and death.

No, that's not you.

And I have smelled death before,

and there's relief in it.

This is much worse.

Ugh, what is that?

I can taste it.

Don't worry, I'll get to the bottom of this.

Ronnie!

Yeah, it's rough back there. The smell has moved up to row eight.

We have to do something.

I can't smell anything ever since I snorted wasabi on a dare.

I'm sorry, Alan, you should have said "truth."

Does anyone know where the hell it's coming from?

Have we checked if anyone brought on...

It's not ethnic food.

Well, one of these stinky ground-os brought something,

because my boys didn't say anything about a smell.

- Your boys? - The cleaning crew.

I talked to them this morning.

- There it is. - Smell explained.

It's not like that. I came on, gave a pep talk,

shot some hoops. They called me Kobe.

Well, we can't make people fly like this.

So, I guess it's time to make everyone angry.

So sorry.

Thank you for your patience.

Don't worry, the smell isn't him.

No, I know. This just smells much better.

Flight 237 with nonstop service

to Los Angeles has been delayed until further notice.

- We apologize for the inconvenience. - Excuse me.

Uh, the contents of this briefcase need to be

in Los Angeles by 5:00 p.m.

It should just be a minor delay.

The contents of this briefcase need to be

in Los Angeles by 5:00 p.m.

Okay. Sit tight.

Uh, Ronnie, hi.

Yeah, I know... I know the plane has been cleared.

Is there any way I could pop back on and get something?

- What do you think this is, September 10? - It's just,

I left Nate's Yellow Bear, and he's very attached to it.

If he wakes up, it's not there, he's gonna... have a meltdown.

Can't you just feed him a treat and rub his belly?

I'm very concerned about your understanding of human children.

Fine. I will get the bear.

But I want him to know I'm the hero.

I mean, I don't want hugs or affection,

but I want the credit.

I will teach him the concept of credit

and have him direct it toward you.

Oh, uh,

I'm sorry, where are you two going?

Away from the smell.

No, you have to go back in there and fix it,

since this is your fault.

You're way, way off base on this.

Those guys love me.

I'm like an inner city principal

that finally got through to them.

Then it's time to stand and deliver.

- You still have to find the smell. - Why?

Because you're the captain, damn it.

And they didn't give you that title because

you run away from smells...

they gave it to you because you're a leader.

You're right.

It's all up to Captain Dave.

You played to his ego.

Smart.

And I need you to go in and help.

You're the only person I trust to watch him,

with those beautiful, ageless eyes

that hold the wisdom of a thousand Oprahs.

I see what you're doing.

And it worked.

Hey.

I'll have what she's having.

Like the movie.

You're Sally, and I'm old

Jewish woman who wants orgasm.

I'm sorry.

My day just keeps getting worse.

The bartender didn't even card me.

I might as well start wearing jackets with shoulder pads

and posting on Facebook.

Hey, listen, I have good news.

I'm gonna teach you poker.

You will be natural.

You see, poker's not just a card game...

it is art.

It requires intuition,

deception, and sometimes flirting.

Like stripping.

Bingo is your name-o!

Now I will whip out my deck

and teach you how to play with it.

Which one is bigger number,

seven or ten?

Ten.

You are a fast learner.

Just like Sheldon on that Big Bang Bazinga show.

Should we touch fists and make them explode?

Okay.

Explosion.

Sorry, no bear,

but I did find half a joint,

so I guess I will go see Cirque du Soleil with Artem.

Oh, Yellow Bear wasn't in there?

Oh, my God. That means it could be anywhere.

Um, okay, let me think.

Uh, I know I had him in the Lyft.

The elevator "lift" or the car "Lyft"?

British people say things weird.

The car Lyft. I was holding the bear