In Living Color

Hello. I'm Rush Limbaugh.

And I'm Al Sharpton. And we have finally found a place in this world...

big and loud enough for the both of us...

the home fitness industry.

And our new fitness program covers all the bases, including step aerobics.

You can lose pounds, inches and hostilities.

While stepping on those you hate.

Step on the homeless. Step on the liberal. Step on the spotted owl.

Step on the white man. Step on the white man.

Step on the white man.

Use our specially designed workout equipment...

perfect for you boxers or anyone who likes to wear a robe once in a while.

Take that, boy in the hood.

The man may have oppressed you...

but you can still press some weight on our new BoboFlex.

Get off of me, pig! Get off of me, pig!

Build up your leg muscles on our Run For Your Life Treadmill...

for when you have to make a quick getaway from the gun-toting hordes of Miami.

Or the good citizens of Bensonhurst.

Look. Ain't that your mama tongue-kissin' Louis Farrakhan?

Whoa!

And if you order our fitness program today...

we will send you our helpful Deal Some Meal cards.

- Help me out, Michelin Man. - Don't you mean handout, Freeloading Willy?

Let me show you how it works.

When you're done eating all the food listed on these cardlets, you're done eatin' the meal.

The shakes are easy to make. Simply add your favorite ingredients.

- Some fried chicken for Al. - And a cracker for the cracker.

Blend thusly.

Mmm!

- Mmm-mmm-mmm! - Mmm.

- If that's low-cal, that must be Rush 'N Al's! - Rush 'N Al's!

So remember, if your butt is as big as the deficit...

and your muscles as weak as Clinton's health plan...

you've gotta take firm action.

- Don't you mean affirmative action? - Hell, no.

Send for our fitness program today, because even if we can't all get along...

- Can't we all sweat along? Come on, everybody! - Yes, sir!

Send $ 199.95 to Rush 'N Al's Can't We All Just Sweat Along?

P.O. Box "A," Fatback, Mississippi, 60606.

Ma, slow down! I'm tryin' to talk to ya!

Gloria, Archie will be home any minute.

And if he doesn't get his dinner by 6:00, he gets gas...

and he poops in his sleep.

Oh, Archie, you're home. How was your day?

It was fresh, Edith.

You're never gonna guess what happened today.

You didn't get pulled over by the cops?

No, I didn't get pulled over by the cops, you dingbat.

We were eating lunch today, and this trucker comes by, you see.

So we pull him out of his cab. We beat the hell outta that honky.

- Oh, that's terrible, Archie. - No, Edith, that's good...

because the trucker turned out to be Stretch Cunningham.

He'll be out for six weeks, and I'm taking over his job.

Daddy! How can you celebrate something like that?

Like this. Whoop-de-do! Whoop-de-do! Whoop-de-do!

Now, where the hell is dinner, Edith?

Oh, we're waitin' for Gloria's new boyfriend, Michael.

Yeah, Daddy, and I want you to be really cool with him.

Don't worry, little girl. If he makes you happy, he makes me happy.

- - Now open the door for the hamhockhead.

Daddy!

Hi, Michael!

Hello, everyone.

My, what an interestin' weave. Who hooked ya up?

I grew it myself, and they're called dreadlocks.

Dreadlocks, schmeadlocks. That's a dried-upJheri Curl there.

Looks like an activator went on strike there, Michael.

Mr. Bunker, you don't understand. I'm Jamaican.

Jamaican, Haitian, Dominican... What the hell's the difference? You need a fade.

- Daddy! - Case closed. Let's grub.

Well, everybody sit down.

Archie, I hope you like it. It's your favorite... collard greens.

Where the hell did you pick these, Edith? They smell terrible.

You been down to the railroad tracks again?

They smell like somebody's armpits.

No, Mr. Bunker. I'm afraid that is me.

I am au naturel.

What's au naturel?

Ma, that means he doesn't believe in using deodorants.

Oh. Ohhh!

You'd think bein' surrounded by all that water...

they'd at least touch it every once in a while.

But what would you expect? Jamaicans rank pretty low.

I'm sorry, Gloria. I love you...

but I won't sit here and be insulted.

Daddy! Ma!

Archie, do somethin'. Apologize.

Gee! Okay, Michael there.

Look, uh, I'm sorry if I offended you and your...

what do you call... "Risteferians" there.

- Rastafarians. - Whatever.

Mr. Bunker, your thinkin' stinks, ya know.

For your information, we're all the same.

No, no, wait a second, buddy. That's where you're wrong!

'Cause at the top of your list is your classic American brother there. We were here first.

We invented the peanut and your... what do you call... your Soul Train there.

Second on your list are your Africans who traded us for a bottle of rum.

The sellouts. And on the bottom of the list there, you got your island brothers...

your basic... what do you call... cab driver/shortstop.

Oh, Daddy, stop it!

You know, you could learn a lot from Michael.

He's very close to nature.

Unlike yourself. Me, I only put natural things in my body...

from the earth, like ganja.

Aw, geez.

What's ganja?

It's the Chronic bud.

Now get my nine, Edith. We got a crackhead over here.

- Oh. - Crackhead?

If you don't mind me sayin', Mr. Bunker, it's attitudes like yours...

that continue to allow our people to be oppressed by the oppressor.

And let me tell you somethin', Mr. Henry Belafonte there...

That is it! I am leaving!

Daddy, do something!

He's the man I love, and I'm gonna have his baby!

What? You hit that?

You hit that? Aw, geez.

Now, Archie, check yourself. Remember your high blood pressure.

That's a good idea, Edith.

I think I'm gonna give myself a stroke right now.

I'm giving myself a stroke, Edith!

I'm giving myself a stroke here!

I'm giving myself a stroke here, Edith!

Aw, Archie!

Are you...

Archie, are you all right?

Peachy keen, Edith.

I got my lovely wife here, my beautiful little girl...

and a son-in-law named Bob Marley there.

Hello. My name is Francis.

And welcome to the Curly Cue Restaurant. How are you guys doing?

- Fine. - Good. Would you like to hear my specials for this evening?

- Sure. Why not? - Okay, well, for appetizers...

we have a lovely Belgian endive salad with garlic croutons.

They are very, very nice. We have a very mini goat cheese pizza.

It's like an Eggo waffle, but it's really, really small...

and it has different kinds of cheeses on it.

It's really, really delicious. Now listen to this.

We have a black bean crab cake napoleon.

Very, very delicious.

Appears to look like hockey pucks but isn't. Very, very delicious.

And we have a very ugly fruit chutney. Now, what we do is we combine a peach...

- I know what I want. - Can you tell me about the chutney?

Uh, sure. The chutney is actually made of a combination of Cap'n Crunch and Pop Tarts.

We chop 'em up really, really fine...

and we put clear gelatin over 'em...

just like they make 'em in Starburst...

and it's really, really good.

We take that and dust it with a Norwegian cocoa.

Now, that's like the cocoa you get... you know, with the little rabbit on the carton.

- But it's not. - Hey, excuse me. We're kind of hungry here.

So could we just get like some chips and salsa?

- Uh, sure. That shouldn't be a problem. - Great.

That we have in crushed corn. It comes out of the Southwest.

Blue chips, triangular. They're really, really wonderful.

The corn... They call it maize, you know.

The corn is really wonderful. They import that from Mexico...

Hey, fine. Whatever. Just hurry.

Now for the salsas this evening.

We have a relish salsa. That's with a white...

Shut up! Go get it!

Red speaks.

Oh, I forgot almost! For the beverages this evening...

- Water. Water. - Oh, I ain't surprised.

Um, we have a Norwegian pomegranate sparkler...

- which you will really, really love... - Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- Plain water! - We don't have crude oil.

We also have an orange juice...

Hey, buddy, buddy, buddy. Two atoms of hydrogen, one atom of oxygen...

two glasses of water!

Hmm. And two and two makes four, huh?

Don't you just love this place?

No.

And on my birthday, we're goin' to Snack-n-Shack.

Oh.

Lucky day! All right, this is for you and Roy Firestone.

Now, would you like to hear our entrées for tonight?

- Oh, yes, I would love to! - That's wonderful.

- No! No more specials, man. Come on. - Man, you...

You scared the hell out of... Are you Kashif?