The Kids Are Alright: Destination Asturias

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

For scrapes,

for blisters,

for cold sores,

sleeping pills,

diarrhea pills,

laxative pills...

Marcos!

That's enough with the backpack

-we're going to miss the train! -But it's five hours from now.

Son, what if we hit a traffic jam?

But we're taking the subway.

What if it breaks down?

But, it's...

Stop making excuses and finish with the backpack!

Now I'm not even sure

if I put the bandages in or not...

What's that, a portable drugstore?

He's only going for a week,

and they have everything at camp.

This isn't for him. It's for me.

-Dad... -What?

How long is the train ride?

Let's see, you tell me.

The train runs at an average speed

of 150 km per hour

and it has to travel the length...

Jeez dad, no! I'm on vacation!

It's a simple, easy peasy... besides, you passed Math.

No.

Wait, what?

You faked his grades? When were you going to tell me?

When he was at camp.

Hadn't we agreed, either he passed

or he wasn't going to ski week?

That's why I kept it from you! I need a break!

Okay, it'll be good to have some time alone.

Yes.

But to decide how to organize things from now on.

Use that quality time on the train together

to let him know what's going on.

If it were just us two

but half the school is coming.

Exaggerations! Just six kids, and one of the moms is coming, right?

Yeah, Clara. If it weren't for her,

-I'd shoot myself. -Okay so don't worry,

we'll tell him together when he's home...

So we don't ruin his vacation and afterwards, maybe...

Afterwards, you'll have to face it.

There's no solution to this.

Dad...

I'm off to my meeting.

Honey, promise me...

that you'll behave with dad.

He gets anxious easily.

And you, let him breathe. But also don't let him walk all over you.

You think I'm pusillanimous.

I don't think it. I know it.

Marcos,

what're you doing in flip-flops and a bathing suit?

It's the middle of February...

We're going to Asturias, aren't we? It's warmer down south.

Down south?

Asturias is completely north.

Oh, I mix it up with the other one

-that starts with an "a" -Which one?

Andalusia. Where's that one?

Did you pass geography?

Nah. Not that one either.

What? How many did you fail?

I'm not exactly sure... remember, one of them was Math.

Clara! I was going to call you.

We should meet an hour early at the station,

just in case, right?

Well, speaking of just in case, you're going to laugh

but... I'm not going to be able to go.

What?

Something's come up at work and I have to stay.

But don't panic!

I'm taking care of it.

I asked my cousin Antonio, a teacher and camp counselor to help.

He said he can probably go. He's calling me back now.

Wait, so if he can't come, I go alone with six kids to Asturias?

No, man, no...

there are seven kids.

What?

Remember my friend, Susana?

The nutcase?

She's asked me if we could take

her kid too, and I couldn't refuse.

That would make your two kids, mine,

Lara and her cousin...by myself ?

her cousin Fernandito...

and Susana's son.

Exactly.

No...

No way in hell...

Calm down, my cousin can surely lend you a hand..

I hope so. I won't go alone.

Remember last year when Pablo's mom took the whole class to the zoo

and the parents made a huge fuss

because two sweaters were switched.

Not that big of a fuss, really.

Clara, she took her kid out of school in the middle of the year.

Okay, you're right.

But take it easy. I'm sure my cousin will come through.

And if not, I'll find someone else, no matter what. I'll call you.

Come on kids. Finish up with the backpacks. Diana?

Mom, I can't. My nails aren't dry.

Hi, grandpa.

What's up, grandson? Family! Babygirl!

Grandpa!

Nachete?

Grandpa, I told you a million times, it's Ignacio.

Such an odd kid...

Dad, what're you doing here?

What do you mean? I came to take the kids to the movies.

Movie day was yesterday.

Yesterday? What day is today?

The day they leave for camp.

Well,

only if mom gets someone who can come, 'cause she can't.

What?

Something came up at work and I have to stay.

I'm looking for a trustworthy person to take them.

Look no further. I'll go.

I said trustworthy.

You don't trust me?

I'm an exemplary grandparent.

You are quite an example, of what not to do.

The movie date was yesterday and you show up today!

So I was a little late. What's important is I came.

I do what I say. Don't I? Come on dear, trust me.

Trust you?

How can I trust you, dad?

If every time you take them there's trouble.

Trouble? When did I cause trouble?

When you told me you were taking them out for some mountain air.

I didn't lie.

Yippee!

Again! Yippee!

Or when you said you were taking them out for some sports.

And I did just that.

So you can imagine, you're not taking my kids anywhere.

Fine...

but it's complicated...

Where are you going to find

a dupe to do the job for you.

Well, I'm waiting on cousin Dupe, I mean, Antonio to call.

Ah, just in time. Here he is.

There.

Where are these people? We've been waiting for an hour.

'Cause we got here two hours before the train leaves.

And now Clara won't pick up.

Dad... they're all there.

-Look. -Let's go.

Well it's about time.

Where were you?

At the meeting point we'd agreed on.

Where's Clara?

Clara couldn't make it in the end.

She's arranging to have her cousin come help me.

If not, you're stuck with the kids? That sucks.

Sucks? If he can't come in the end...

one of you will have to come. This is an emergency.

Uh, impossible. We fly out to Punta Cana tonight.

Not me. Who in their right mind takes an overnight train?

-Yeah. Who does that? -Hey, hey...

It was going to be me and my son alone,

in an overnight berth fun plans, quiet ride,

you wanted your kids to tag along

so if you want them to go by package service, fine by me.

Easy, don't take it that way.

You're going to do just fine.

Besides, they're so well-behaved.

Right. Any hyperactive ones?

See? He's even giving me the evil eye.

I really can't go alone.

My God, Ricardo,

his nerves are shot. Right?

Very important: my niece wears a mouth guard.

-Who's your niece? -My daughter.

She needs it on before bed. I'd better give it to you.

-Don't let mine be on TikTok long. -On what?

-And, no candy for Fernando. -No, no candy.

Put them all under parental control. Hand me your cell.

Here are the flies to feed the bearded dragon.

Get out... A bearded dragon?

Stop! Just a minute, I can't breathe!

No way! I can't do this alone!

He's right! This man can't go alone with the kids.

Finally, a reasonable person!

-Thank you ma'am. -Thank you.

-You'd come with me? -If you pay for my ticket.

If I pay for your ticket? Which of these are you with?

None. I'm from Cuenca,

on my way to take the train, but I heard your conversation...

Lady, please , move along!

Okay...

Look...