Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Attention, squad.

Put your hands together

for the long-anticipated reunion of...

The DDC!

- DD... - C!

- DD... - C!

Put a J with a G...

You get DD...

- C! - C!

Uh, the gas face.

What the hell is the DDC?

I don't know, but I love it!

The DDC is the Dope...

- Denim... - Crew.

Our 20-year high school reunion

is tonight, and the party is '90s-themed,

so we're dressing the way we did back then,

AKA hella fresh.

Can't wait to see everyone we graduated with

and lie to them about what I've been up to

for my own amusement.

It's gonna be Fib City, population: Gina Clooney.

But Jake, how can you be excited

to return to your high school,

the scene of... Tattlegate?

What's Tattlegate? Why haven't I heard

- anything about it? - It was junior year

and Jake was riding high...

Charles, no one wants to hear this story...

from you.

It was junior year,

and Jake was riding high.

Sophomore year was rough, but now I was back

with a hot new look: an earring and long hair.

Which was my look, and he just copied it.

And it worked! I was finally cool,

and becoming friends with the most popular kid

in school: Brandon Bliss.

- Dope name; sounds hot. - He was hot, Rosa.

For the record, he could barely read.

He didn't have to read, Gina.

He lost his virginity when he was 12 years old.

Which is horrifying.

But it wasn't back then! Back then,

it was... everything.

He asked me to ditch class one day with him

and his buddies, steal a school van,

and go get drunk at his parents' cabin,

but the day before we were supposed to go,

someone ratted Brandon out, and he got suspended!

He thought I was the one who told,

and from that day forward,

everyone called me "The Tattler."

Tattler. It's a sexy nickname.

It was not a sexy nickname!

It was a scarlet letter,

and it ruined my senior year,

but luckily, I'm over all that now.

Not me. I'm gonna go

to this reunion tonight

and kick Brandon Bliss in the butthole.

Horrifying, but that won't be necessary, Charles,

for my awesome life will do the butthole-kicking this eve.

I've got a sweet job, and a super-smart,

incredible wife. Tonight's gonna be awesome.

- Right, Gina? - Damn straight!

- DD... - C!

- DD... - C!

- DD... - C!

*BROOKLYN NINE-NINE* Season 06 Episode 03

*BROOKLYN NINE-NINE* Episode Title: "The Tattler"

Sync corrections by srjanapala

Wow, this place hasn't changed

one bit in 20 years.

It's a real indictment of the public school system.

Jake! Tina!

No way! Mikey J!

Amy, this is Mike Joseph,

AKA the lead funk bassist from my legendary ska band,

Skalvester Skallone. We had one song.

- Whoa! - Hey, man.

We were so bad. I can't believe

we thought we were gonna make it.

So what have you been up to, man?

Well, I'm still trying to get the music thing started.

Oh, cool, cool, cool. Never give up.

Anyway, how are you, Gina? What have you been up to?

Nothing crazy. Yeah, just writing

- those "Thor" movies. - Seriously?

Oh, my God. Tell me everything.

Legally, I can't get into it too much,

but just know that the next one

will have a lot more full frontal.

Well, if you need some ska for your soundtrack...

Oh!

This is them. This is Marvel.

They probably want to talk about.

"Thor 4: More Thor." I gotta take this.

Okay? All right.

So how you doing, Jake?

I know the end of high school was a little... rough.

Oh, uh...

Jake's killing it now. He's a detective.

Irie, mon! Irie, irie!

Very nice.

God, you must have some crazy stories.

Oh, I don't know. I mean,

is successfully negotiating

a high-tension hostage situation

- in a bank crazy? - Yes!

Oh, well, then, I guess I do have

some crazy stories, mon!

Gosh, it's so cool

how we all still dress the same.

Is it so much to ask? You know what I'm saying?

Why is everyone gathered around the radio?

Ooh, are they testing the emergency broadcasting system?

What? No.

We're listening to a contest.

This is 93.7,

The Jamhouse, with...

- JC and the Horndog! - JC and the Horndog!

FM radio...

Yeah, the hosts are beyond disgusting,

but they do a fun game where they play a mystery sound

and callers guess what it is for a cash prize.

Shh, they're about to play the new sound!

It's a crinkle. I solved it.

Yes, but you have to know what object

is making the crinkle.

- But that's impossible. - It could be anything.

Yes, sir. That's the game.

- It's a bag of potato chips. - Don't be an idiot!

It's a bag of corn chips.

Well, this is a total waste of time.

Sure, but you can still have fun,

- even if you're wasting time. - That's absurd.

Productivity is what makes things fun.

That's why humans go to work.

It is?

Hey. So you know

how Alicia and I broke up because she moved to London,

then we tried to make it work, but the distance

was too much and we broke up again?

No. The last thing you told me

about yourself was that you were bi.

Well, a lot has happened since then.

Anyway, I'm dating two other people.

So much juice at one time.

I'm drowning.

Oh, gross. Charles, this is why I don't tell you anything.

- I take it back. - Okay.

Well, it's early stages, but they both tagged me

in a bunch of photos online,

and they found out about each other.

- Yikes. - Yeah, I know.

I shouldn't 'gram so much, but my brunch friends say

it's the only way to promote my handmade jewelry line.

Brunch? What? Homemade... who... Why?

Charles, focus.

Anyway, they're both annoyed,

and now I have to choose one of them,

and I cannot make up my mind.

It's insane. I never have trouble

making decisions.

Ugh. Choose the daughter.

I always know exactly what to do,

but for the first time in my life, I am stumped.

Rosa, you've come to the right man.

Boyles are genetically indecisive beings.

So I chose the worst possible person to help me?

No. We've developed

a foolproof system to help us make choices.

It used to take me so long to decide what to wear

that I'd never change my clothes.

Now look what I have on.

Is this different than what you were wearing yesterday?

Barely.

Wow, your life sounds amazing.

I'm really happy it worked out for you,

you know, especially with the whole Tattler thing.

What? The Tattler? Wow.

I haven't heard that in a long time.

Who even was the Tattler?

You. That's why I'm bringing it up.

Oh, right, I remember now that I was

misidentified as the Tattler.

That's so funny. But I wasn't the Tattler,

so I'm pretty sure you got this wrong.

No, no, no, I think I go... hey, Eric.

Didn't people call Jake the Tattler?

Oh, yeah!

Oh, good, more people are getting involved.

After my initial design, they said it couldn't be done.

They said it was too tall, too flashy...

Building codes, bureaucracy.

Cut to the Freedom Tower as you see it today.

Wow.

Thank you. Yeah, I agree.

Look, nobody cares about that stuff.