It's a Date

Nice one, Pig. Hey! Up next, Jason Mraz.

We are out.

Um, Jason Mraz is a no-show. Ah, shit. Thanks, Karen.

Mraz is snowboarding. James Reyne can be here in seven minutes.

We could finally do Sneaky Farts! Yes!

One of us farts into the microphone,

listeners call in and guess who it was.

Pig, got a relationship story?

My situation has gotten a little bit... legal.

I've started dating someone. Cynth!

Have you got a bloke on the go? No, I don't.

Perfectamundo. Let's do that.

Do what? We're back in ten.

Let's get a photo of her on the website, Karen.

Smile! In three.

Sit down. Sorry.

You are listening to Thunder FM.

It is 7:46 in the AM, and Pig, it's gotten a bit steamy in the sty.

The first five single dudes to get into the studio

get to grab a hot date with single Cynth,

because we are playing Perfect Snatch.

Is it too much?

Oh, Jen, it's perfect. It's beautiful.

Do I look tired? Because I've been pretending to be a lion all day,

which is exhausting.

You need to take a break from being a mum

and try and enjoy being...

Don't you dare say 'cougar'. ..a single, sexy, hot chick.

The great thing about going out with Greg's brother

is that if it all goes well, then we're going to be family.

Ha! Oh, settle down, sister.

Bubbly! That's a good sign...

...for you. (Laughs)

Wow. Jen, you look great.

Oh. Good. Thank you.

Thanks for being so cool about the change of plans.

Change of plans? Yeah, the...

Where is Brad, by the way?

Did you check your messages today? No.

It would have been really handy if you'd checked your messages.

Chloe threw my phone into the dryer. Just call the landline.

I did not know we had a landline.

You stay here, I'll get the door.

I should get it, shouldn't I? Keep drinking, keep drinking.

Keep drinking, keep drinking. No, I'll get it.

Get back. Get out of it! It's my house, my phone, my door.

There has been a change of plans. Oh...

You must be Jen. You are a good sort, aren't you?

Sorry, you're...?

G'day, Dad. Graham.

So is... is Brad here?

Are they for Twattsie and The Pig?

Yes. Oh.

Could I still take one? Yes.

Or three? Yeah. Yes.

You know what? I'm just going to grab these. Thanks.

Yes.

Oh! Oh, these are some pastries for Twattsie and The Pig.

Are you single? Yes.

What's the issue? Dad is a man, he's staying with us,

he's down from the Gold Coast.

You said Jen was desperate and needed a date.

You are just unbelievable! No, I didn't mean it like that.

I am so, so, so sorry. You really don't have to do this.

I am just... I'm going to tell him.

What would you say?

Period pain. Hm.

He's here, and I've got a babysitter. I'll be fine.

I'm... I'm determined to get back into the dating world,

and if the first cab off the rank happens to be someone's dad...

Grandad too. He's a grandad.

Sorry to interrupt the mothers' group,

but we should probably get a wriggle on.

Graham, Jen's got a really heavy period.

Not really.

Single Cynth, it's time to choose.

Now, this is an independent woman. She carries a taser in her handbag.

No, I've just got a pepper spray.

We've got John, never married, who's carrying a bag of cat food.

Beth, who by all reports is a lesbian!

I'm sorry, I'm not a lesbian.

Um, you sound pretty lez to me.

My lezometer - pretty moist right now.

Ho-ho! And finally, the flan man himself, George.

The choice is yours, Cynth.

Ah, I guess I choose John.

John!

W...w... well... Sorry, this is amazing.

Sorry. I've had a really tough year. I lost my mother, and...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Thank you...

I'm really sorry. I meant, ah... What's your name?

George. I meant George, not...

John.

Can I get some free CDs?

Bum-bowm! But for George and Cynth, it's a date!

Just so you know, Jen, I know you've had a tough time of late,

so order whatever you fancy. Tonight's on me.

That's very sweet.

I've got vouchers. Vouchers?

See... last time I was down, I came here for dinner,

and I got shocking food poisoning.

I won't go into details in front of a lady,

but I reckon it was a dodgy chicken tikka.

You brought me to a restaurant that gave you food poisoning?

I didn't really have food poisoning, but they can't prove that.

So Greg tells me your ex-husband up and left you, did the bolt.

Did he even say goodbye?

Food vouchers, straight to my personal history!

Um... (Chuckles nervously) Ah, yes, that did happen,

and, no, of course, he said goodbye. Yeah.

And he left you with a couple of tin lids, as they say?

Yet again, your information is correct. Two boys.

I've got a cricket ball signed by Doug Bollinger.

Your boys can have it. It's theirs. Oh, no. You don't need to.

No, no, no. It's fine. I won it.

You know those competitions

where you have to give the answer in 25 words or less?

I'm all over them. People actually enter those things?

That's just small fry.

I'm working on this one at the moment -

'Tell us why you deserve a trip to Hawaii.'

You wouldn't believe the prize for this one.

It's a trip to Hawaii?

Ah, so do you like working at Thunder FM? Yeah.

Eventually, I'd like to produce news radio in New York or London,

but right now I'm here at Thunder FM.

OK, guys, let's get this party started

with some bubbles - here you go - from Ruby Angel Winery.

Get that on the Twattcam. You can't call it that.

And to break the ice, we've got some Ice Breakers

from Moo Moo's Iced Coffee.

Now available in supermarkets.

OK. Thanks, Twattsie. Twattcam out.

Twattcam out.

What do you do?

Do? Um... (Chuckles)

Well, I'm a single mum, so when I get a few moments to myself,

I like to pour myself a cup of tea, then forget to drink it.

But seriously...

Both the boys will be in school next year,

so I'll be able to concentrate on... a career.

And what's that?

Oh, it's... it's complicated, as they say.

Who says that? 'It's complicated?'

Um, it's an expression.

Is it, why?

It's something people say.

But... everything is something that people say.

Well, people write it in Facebook as a status update, so...

Life is only as complicated as you want it to be, I say.

That's very wise.

There you are, two lychee martinis.

And just to let you know, sir,

the vouchers don't cover drinks.

Bugger!

Why did you want to go on a set-up date for the radio?

I didn't!

But this is my job. Everyone has to take a few bullets.

OK, so why'd you pick me?

Are you kidding? One guy had cat food. You had pastries.

One woman had a moist lezometer.

You didn't have a lezometer at all, which was a plus.

You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But that's the thing, because we don't normally do deliveries,

and I wasn't supposed to work this morning.

I never listen to your show. Why would you?

I just have this new philosophy

ever since I had a near-death experience.

You had a near-death experience? Yeah.

I was playing a lot of Grand Theft Auto. I was in way deep.

I'd barely moved for two weeks. Anyways...

...my cousin gave me a phone call, and he said something which...

...saved my life.

He said, 'Do you want to go to the boat show?'

I don't care about boats, but for some reason, I just said, 'Yeah.'

So your near-death experience was,

you almost died of boredom at a boat show?

Wow, that is life-changing.

On the way home, I got a call from the police.

They told me that a car had crashed into the front room of my house,

where I would normally have been sitting, playing Grand Theft Auto.

You see? I almost got hit by a stolen car

where I would have been sitting in my house, playing Grand Theft Auto.

The point is... now I say yes to everything.

So if I asked you to set fire to your pubes...

Can you not see there's microphones?

Great. That'll be on the promo - me saying 'pubes.'

I'm sorry - who comes to a restaurant and reads the newspaper all night?

Poor woman. I'm having a lovely time tonight.

Oh, I'm glad. When you opened the door tonight,

my heart skipped a few beats.

Oh, God. Graham, I'm flattered, but I'm not...

I have a girlfriend. What?

You... you have a girlfriend?

Unbelievable!

Does she know that you're using your vouchers on another woman?

It's all above-board. We're on a break.

Claire, that's her,

she's off finding herself somewhere in a caravan.

That's what the young ones do these days.