Cotton Candy Bubble Gum

- Who the fuck is Ashley?

Oh fuck!

Angel, you fuck boy!

Oh shit!

Oh, you're gonna run?

I ran track.

Open the door.

You think you can fuck with me

and text other girls?

And your penis is mediocre, not even good in bed-

Open the door, cuz.

Open the door, open the door.

What's Krystal mad about mow?

Oh, her name is Krystal.

Go, go, go.

Angel!

This is so us.

Cash Apping him, right?

- I mean, am I sending this super wealthy rapper a dollar

every time he tells me to?

Nah, cuz.

Just during the chorus!

Yes, sir.

Capital Gainz is the hardest 47-year-old rapper in the game.

- If my mans can come back from three failed albums,

getting shanked by his celly

and a whiteface scandal, cuz...

It wasn't even Halloween.

- It wasn't even Halloween, he was just doing that shit

for no reason.

Oh shit, we got the new new.

We got new new?

We got the new new, cuz.

Capital just dropped a video

for "Bad Bitches and White Claw".

Look at this shit. - Run it.

Oh shit.

Damn, shit is nuclear.

- And I thought today was gonna suck.

Ah shit, what Randy do now?

- Man, Randy was all up in my grill this morning,

talking about...

Carter, I am your stepfather.

You will respect me.

You are 21 years old.

- You need to move out, you need to get a job.

Then he rizzed up my mom.

- What Randy is trying to say is things are changing.

Mom, what is that?

Put a ring on it.

And then Randy was all like...

- Sound like a discount Temptation.

Man, I'm talking about like-

- The real world's coming, so man the fuck up!

- Ain't no way you letting Randy hit your mom

with the back shots like that.

I'd be like, Randy, pow.

- Man, you know I didn't go out like that.

You know, I was all up in his grill.

I was like...

I found Randy's bank statements in the downloads folder

on the family computer.

Guess what I found?

Online poker charges!

Randy is broke and that ring, probably a sham.

You son of a bitch!

That's cap.

- Yeah, I did not stand up for myself.

Then why you tripping anyway?

The streets is as easy as fingering a bitch

with a skirt on, you feel me?

Just move out of your mom's place.

- Man, you don't understand what type of relationship me

and my mom have, okay?

- All right, what, you suck her titty milk?

- No, look, we're just close, okay?

For the longest time, it was just me and her.

We did everything together.

No matter how bad things got,

she's always been there for me.

Carter, you have to move out.

- Like, I even tried to move into the guest house,

but I can't afford it.

Randy raised the rent and I'm an unpaid intern.

- Is that what this is about, you need a job?

You know what I spy with my sexy brown eye,

Jason's new assistant.

What happened to Lonnie?

Yo, Lonnie got that ax, bro.

Possibly because I had him on another planet

with some of these, all right.

This that kumbaya, how's your daddy,

like, damelo, por favor, papi.

I been cooking up for a minute, cuz,

you know what I'm saying?

Anyway, Lonnie quadruple dosed on the schedy-ones,

called Jason on FaceTime.

Shit got weird, bro.

Anyway, you wanna try some?

No, no, no, no, no.

Why don't you just take the job?

'Cause you a bitch,

you're gonna be doing bitch activities,

sending emails out like, come to this sex party.

Huh, we have a backstage meeting with the illuminati.

Come backstage where we fuck all these people in the butt.

Man, dude.

- You gotta be the assistant, so I could get access

to the celebrity contact list.

Anytime a celebrity wants to get lit,

then they're gonna be like, where my boy Angel at

with the schedy-ones?

And I'm gonna be like, I'm right here, Kendall Jenner,

what you need?

And guess who's gonna clean up

all that third tier leftover pussy?

I'm talking the

- Yeah, yeah, you know I love that dry mouth, man.

- Yeah, that shit a little bit weird,

but we gonna get you laid either way,

you know what I'm saying?

I'm too dainty.

Look, Jason would never hire me.

- Yo, Jason is desperate right now.

It's his birthday, he got nobody

to get him that fucking dumb coffee order.

- Mocha frappe, two pumps of caramel.

A little bit of whip cream

and a smedium amount - And a smedium amount

of chocolate flakes. - of chocolate flakes.

And with Capital Gainz at the photo shoot today,

I mean, shit- - Wait, wait, wait,

Capital Gainz is gonna be there today?

- Yeah, Jason switched it up, you didn't get the email?

No.

- Ay yo, why you stop, why you pulling over?

The fuck you doing?

Oh my God, he having a panic attack, Jesus Christ.

We didn't wanna get no bitches like that.

Mom, oh Mama.

Carter, what's wrong?

- Mom, Capital Gainz is gonna be at the photo shoot today!

Today, Mom.

- The rapper you like, that's great.

- No, no, no, no, it is not great.

What if he tries to talk to me?

Do I dap him up, do I shake his hand?

Is he a fist pound type of guy, do I chest bump him?

What if he wants to smoke marijuana, Mary Jane

and puff puff that kush.

I can't hang with the big dogs-

Carter, Carter.

- You know I have petite lungs, Mom, I be...

Carter, honey, just breathe.

Open your fanny pack, take out a piece of gum,

unwrap it, now chew.

Better?

Yeah.

- It doesn't matter if President Obama

or Black Jesus himself comes to the photo shoot,

you're going to do great because no matter where you are,

you can always think back to the good times

and know that at the end of the day, I'll be here for you.

You don't need me today, but I do need to work on my resume.

You're not the only one job hunting.

- Mom, about this morning, if I made enough money,

can I live in the guest house?

There's a job opening at my internship.

- Carter, that's just another branch of the same tree.

But I'm not ready to fly.

Come on, Mom, you still tuck me in at night.

Ay yo, what?

Nothing.

Mom, please?

- Okay, Carter, if you get the job,

you can rent out the guest house.

Praise an all Caucasian Jesus.

Okay, Mom, I'll see you later, bye.

Ay yo, cuz, what was that?

What's your mommy doing, like what,

is she putting baby powder in your booty hole?

Better get you some bitches, the fuck.

Carter, hand me the jawn.

Which one?

- What do you mean which one, the jawn,

that one right there, can you hand that to me?

Hand me the jawn, hand me the...

Put that down, hand me the jawn.

What did we say about gum onset?

If you want the minimum wage job,