Repo Chick

In the last years of the Cold War,

the former Soviet Union

developed a new weapon of mass destruction.

Harnessing the awesome power of Earth's own gravity,

these GD-34 GROWLER bombs were smaller

and more destructive

than any battlefield munition previously deployed.

In the late 20th century,

the largest repossession company was GMAC,

General Motors Acceptance Corporation.

With the deregulation of the banks,

GMAC and other less scrupulous companies

were able to sell mortgages

to poor people who couldn't possibly afford them.

As the economy collapsed,

repossession and corrections became the United States'

only non-military growth industries.

Meanwhile, six GROWLERS remained unaccounted for.

Miss Pixxi?

Miss Pixxi!

What's up?

Your forbearers will see you now.

My what?

Your father, your aunt, your grandmother.

You know the drill.

Sit down, Pixxita.

Since our last meeting, Pixxi,

you have been arrested how many times?

Well, it's been 18, hasn't it?

18 times.

Come on, Pops, you know how it is.

It's those fuckin' Beverly Hills cops.

They be lyin' at my probation hearing,

they be lyin' in wait outside our gate.

Your driving license was revoked a year ago.

Why are you still driving, Pixxi?

A girl's gotta eat, right?

I'm entitled to a life.

It's in the Constitution.

Holding up with strangers!

Hookups, Mother.

They call it "hooking up." Hookups.

That's right.

Oh, Grandma, those are lies.

I knew all five of those boys.

Are we done yet?

Pixxi, we De La Chasses

are often accused of being rapacious oligarchs.

Merely on account of our wealth, we are abused and persecuted.

Can you not see how your actions add to our burden of suffering?

No.

Pixxita, at our last Family Council,

you swore to abstain from drinking, driving, clubbing,

eating in restaurants,

lending the De La Chasse family name

to unguents and perfumes,

and having unprotected sex with boy backup dancers.

And yet, lo and behold,

here we are, two short weeks later,

and you've done all of these things, haven't you?

Yeah.

Pops, don't worry.

The cosmetics deal is going to fall through, but wait!

Wait till you see my line of thongs.

It's so beautiful.

They're pink and purple and yellow,

and some of them glow in the dark.

Cease!

You and your snookery, your gadabout snookery.

Tell her to get a job, or she'll be disinherited.

In light of your continued malfeasance,

we have no choice.

Yes, get a job, or you'll be disinherited!

Dis-in-what?

Dis...dis-in...what?

Disin...hurted?

What's it mean?

It's when they go to your grave and dig you up!

They can't do it to Pixxi because she's not dead yet!

- Right, Pix? - Right.

Coo-ee!

It's me!

Well, then why did you pick up the phone

if it's a wrong number, asshole?

You mean disinterred, Eggi.

Disinherited is different.

But what does it mean, Pix?

Disinherited is, like,

when someone owes you a lot of money, like a fortune,

and they refuse to hand it over.

And what makes it even worse is that it's your own family

that's trying to screw you over.

That's wack! That's, like, criminal, Pix.

I know, and that's why we're going to go

to my office right now and we're going to get

the best legal advice that they can afford.

- Yes! - Mm-hmm.

Coo-eee!

Okay, this is the second time I'm calling you.

Why do you keep picking up the phone

if it's a wrong number?

- Asshole! - Loser!

God!

The thing is, Pixxi,

your family don't have to give you any money

if they don't want to.

Yes, they do.

No.

No, in fact, the law says...

Who cares about the fucking law?

It's her family. They can't screw her.

But the law says...

The law can go suck my ass.

Right, Pixxi?

All right, 666, take it easy.

Let's hear what the jerk has to say,

and then if we don't like it,

we'll just throw him down the stairs.

Pixxi.

You're an adult. Yes?

Over 18, 21 presumably?

Don't go there.

The fact is,

your family has no legal obligation

to give you any money.

Yes, they do!

Let me ask you a question.

Stop asking her questions,

and start suing them!

- Pixxi... - Yeah!

When your family said that you were disinherited,

did they offer up any sort of deal,

a resolution for you to be un-disinherited?

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

They told me to get a job!

You bastard!

They said if you found a job, you'd be back into the family

so as to inherit?

Ah! It's relatively simple.

Get a job.

I have a job!

I am a cosmetics designer and a fashion designer

and a haute couture model,

and I have my own record company,

and I'm a media executive producer!

I have so many jobs that I can't keep count!

Bastard.

You think it's so easy.

But Pixxi is busy.

With her raft of commitments,

ain't no way she'll be able fit a job into her schedule.

What will she do when the money runs out?

Hey, Pixxi, look!

These guys are attaching the front end of your car

to some great big mobile hook thing.

Savage!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Frankenfuck!

What the hell you think you're doing?

Hello.

This here unit,

it's been reassigned to new owners.

- Huh? - Yep!

You see, the previous caretakers of this here lovely unit,

well, they forgot to take good care of it.

Not only did they neglect to change the oil

and take it in for its 50,000-mile service,

worse, they forgot to fulfill the monthly debt

that they had financially incurred.

Is this a kind of a money thing?

In a nutshell.

Well, you stay here.

My boss is upstairs. This is her car.

I'll go get her. She'll explain everything.

- Okay. - Great, okay.

You're still gonna be here, right?

I mean, you're not gonna drive off while I'm inside?

What's it say?

Well, read it for yourself.

I don't really read too good.

So...can you just tell me what it says?

- You bet. - Okay.

Right there, it says,

"General George Armstrong Custer."

And then, underneath it, in smaller letters,

it says, "Velvet Glove Acceptance Corporation."

That's my company.

Well, all right.

That's all right, yeah.

I tell you what... you stay here, General.

Okay, yes, sir.

Pixxi De La Chasse will be right down, all right?

Guys, how did they get the letters to stand up like this?

Huh, Pix?

How did they get the letters to stand up like this?

On our printer, we only get it flat.

That's unfabulous!

Must be one of those chill, new, super 3-D printers, I guess.

Add to shopping cart!

Now that's fabulous!

"Velvet Glove Acceptance Corporation.