Saint John of Las Vegas

20 bucks on pump 7.

Lucky 7.

You from around here?

Uh, I just moved.

Oh, yeah? Just moved?

For school.

Been here long?

I just asked that. Heh heh.

I used to live here. I knew all the spots.

I mean, you gotta know 'em.

There are some great places.

And not just for gambling. There's more.

I mean, gambling, sure. Do you gamble?

Sometimes.

Sometimes? That means a lot.

Yeah.

How much is the Instant Jackpot Madness?

30 million.

Jeez Louise! Why hasn't somebody popped that bubble?!

I mean, like... "Give me 1,000 tickets."

Anyone ever done that?

Why not?

Let's do it.

1,000 tickets. Give me 1,000.

Uh, I don't think I can do that.

Sure you can.

Yeah, count it.

I'll have to get the manager.

Get him.

Hi. Yeah, we have a customer

who wants 1,000 I.J.M. tickets.

Is that cash?

Yeah.

Okay.

He'll be right up.

I'm not authorized for that much.

Okay.

So? Do you know any good places?

Uh, a few. I just got here.

Well, I could show you Vegas. Yeah?

Sure.

Oh. Good times.

They say you make your own luck.

I never understood that.

You're either lucky, or you're not.

When I lived in Las Vegas, I had plenty of luck.

Problem was, most of it was bad.

So...I drove until I ran out of gas.

And...here I am.

For now,

I'm taking it slow and steady.

My name is John, and I used to be lucky.

I had a great run for a while.

A smile from me, or a nod,

and it was, "John, how are you? Right this way."

I didn't have to order the usual.

They brought it to me, comped.

I tried my credit card on your machine. It's broken.

The credit card or the machine?

Five bucks on pump number seven.

And three Grand Gimmes.

Three Grand Gimmes.

And four Who's Your Daddys.

And eight Mega Mega Megas.

And eight Mega Mega Megas.

That's 20.

Of course, a little fun never hurts.

Just to test the waters.

Because if my luck comes back,

it would be foolish not to capitalize.

Who's Your Daddy.

Congratulations. $22.

22?

When the words "Who's", "Your", and "Daddy appear,

one in each box, that's 1,000.

Your ticket has all three in one box--22. You're up two.

Heard somebody won Instant Jackpot Madness last night.

No.

I thought somebody won.

It's up to 15 million.

15?

Just sayin'.

22, Instant Jackpot Madness.

Hey. You're not allowed to look.

Do you have trash?

Don't forget your five bucks on pump seven.

I guess I am pretty lucky.

I have a nice house

in a gated community...

a great job...

sitting in a cubicle, filing claims,

logging calls.

Thank you for calling Townsend Insurance.

May I have your claim number?

And...

I have the best seat in the house.

Thank you for calling Townsend Insurance.

Can I have your claim number, please?

So, you know how you're always playing those scratch card games?

No, I'm not.

My girlfriends and I all chipped in

and bought a few, and we won. $100.

Technically, $1,000, but there were ten of us.

You won? Yeah.

Okay.

So, we each bought our own card,

and mine was called "Who's Your Daddy".

Like, who thinks of that?

Heh. I'll have to try that. Yeah.

I was using my nail to scratch it off,

and, like, nothing's coming off.

And the guy's, like, "You have to use a quarter."

You should've played Instant Jackpot Madness.

Oh, well, we just played what they had at the store.

It pays 15 million.

Yeah, serious money.

I came close this morning.

Well, I didn't see that one.

And I'm grateful for my $100.

No, hey, 100 bucks is 100 bucks.

Jill?

What?

Do I look okay?

Like, professional?

Yeah.

I like your necktie.

I'm going to see Mr. Townsend.

Well, you look good.

Why are you seeing Mr. Townsend?

Are you gonna ask for a raise?

No.

You're gonna get a raise.

No, I'm not.

I've never had a desk job before,

but I watched enough TV.

Do good work-- "Yes, sir." "No, sir."

And you move up.

Mr. Townsend, I was wondering--

Do you know what's most important to me?

Do you?

Um...no, sir.

Family.

Family is the most important thing.

Don't you think? Sure.

Do you have a family?

No.

Then why did you agree with me?

Mr. Townsend...

I've been doing pretty well here, I think.

So...

Do you know what these awards are for?

Fraud...detection.

You might think we're in the car insurance business.

We're not. We're in the business

of not paying fraudulent claims.

And I don't pay fraudulent claims more than anyone else.

Will you send Virgil in?

Do you know Virgil?

Virgil! John, this is Virgil.

How's the insanity driving plea?

We're off the hook.

Make sure to submit the S.F.C.

She dropped the claim.

Virgil has debunked 15 fraudulent claims

in the last six months.

Congratulations.

Alas, the tedium of paperwork

proves too much for him.

You could've paid those 15 claims.

John here was just asking for more responsibility.

Isn't that right?

He could be a fraud man.

Put him on Le Sabre.

I was thinking the Wildcat.

Giving him Wildcat?

What's the Wildcat?

1970 Buick Wildcat, mint condition.

The owner-- a Miss Tasty D. Lite--

says she was rear-ended

in the desert outside of Vegas.

Virgil is gonna go investigate the claim,

and I want you to go with him.

I can't. Uh, I...don't like Vegas.

You don't like Vegas?

How can you not like Las Vegas?

I mean, it's not that I don't like it.

Then why did you say you didn't like it?

So... the car is totaled.

$17,000.

Apparently, she's confined to a wheelchair.

She's also filed $180,000 in lost wages.

What do you think our Miss D. Lake does

in order to justify $180,000 in lost wages?

I was gonna say-- sounds like a stripper name.

Yeah, that's right. She's a stripper.

John, I have a phrase-- "Up or out."

Out? Did I--

I want you to move up--

all the way to Level 6 Adjuster.

A corner office,