We Spin Around the Night Consumed by the Fire

Johnny: Hey, Moira, could you turn that down please?

Important call coming through.

Stevie says it's the guy from the winery.

- Hmm. - (Sighs)

- Hello, Johnny Rose. - (Phone continues ringing)

Hello? Hello?

Ah.

- (Door opens) - Stevie?

- Stevie: I put it through! - Johnny: Okay.

- Moira: Who is it? - Johnny: Herb Ertlinger.

- Excuse me? - Herb Ertlinger from the winery.

He's the only guy that's gotten back to me on my proposal

- (phone starts ringing) - And-and now the ph-

- Hi! Hello! - (Phone continues ringing)

There's something wrong with the phones!

Moira: John, have her patch it through to the kids' room.

Yeah, patch it through to the kids' room!

Stevie: Okay!

Very good suggestion!

- (Knocks on door) - Kids!

- (Phone rings in kids' room) - David, answer the phone!

He has his headphones in; He can't hear it.

- Then you answer it! - Alexis: Okay!

- (Phone continues ringing) - Hello?

Alexis, could you open the door, please?

I'll take it.

Alexis: No, sorry, you have the wrong room.

He's actually in room 6.

Johnny: Alexis, unlock the door please!

Okay! No problem. Bye.

He's gonna call you back in your room!

- No! - (Phone starts ringing)

- Hello? - (Phone keeps ringing)

David: Can you get a heart murmur from a lack of sleep?

Because I have not slept since we've got here

and I think my body is shutting down.

Well, I hate to admit it, but I actually know very little about heart murmurs.

Well, I have one.

Uh, the pulse is very irregular.

Honestly, David, I have tried to find my pulse

like a thousand times and nothing. So don't worry about it.

David: No, this is very serious!

My heart has not rested in a long time,

my immune system is very low,

I have not been able to find kale anywhere here-

how long are we going to be talking about you for?

I think I'm having a heart attack, is what's happening!

David, you are like 34.

I'm basically 29.

Oh my God, you are overreacting.

I think you're gonna feel very guilty

when I slip into a coma and you have to come visit me

in the hospital at hospice.

Well, I'm gonna go for a jog, so don't die until I get back.

Well, how long are you going for?

Um, I don't really know. How long are you gonna be like this for?

- Don't be a little b... - Bye!

- When I'm this state! - (Door bangs shut)

Herb Ertlinger: Now, it's fruit wine, which is exciting in itself.

But the thing we're most proud of

is that our fruit is 100% insecticide free.

- Johnny: Ah! - Moira: Mm!

Mm! Mm. (Spitting something back)

There's something in mine.

Oh, that's a ladybug. That's one of the good ones.

Excuse me.

Herb Ertlinger...

No, this tastes like something one should not put in their mouth.

It's fruit wine. Whoever heard of fruit wine?

Doesn't matter, it's a business. I'll make it work.

It's next to a landfill, John.

He said former landfill.

Herb Ertlinger: Sorry. I was looking into a new sprayer.

And I brought you this...

It's our Cabernet Merlot petit grenache.

Moira and Johnny: Oh!

Sounds delightfully busy.

You know, uh, Herb, if you need any help with distribution,

I have extensive contacts in that area,

or if it's operations management...

Johnny, while I appreciate that offer,

it's actually not your help I'm looking for.

- Oh. - No. It's you, Moira.

We were hoping that you will be the spokesperson

for Herb Ertlinger fruit wines.

I-I don't understand.

My wife and I were such big fans of "Sunrise Bay."

And we would be an honoured to have you

do just a few commercials to promote our wine.

That is, of course, if you like it.

Like it? It's fruit wine. What's not to like?

So, an hour ago, I thought I was having a heart attack.

- Stevie: Oh no! - David: Yup, yup. Yup.

- Um, but I'm not. - Oh, phew!

According to Web MD, I'm having a pulmonary embolism,

which is much, much worse.

Well, you look good.

That's... just the way I look.

I need you to take me to a hospital right now.

Yeah, the only hospital's in Elmdale.

You're telling me there's no doctor around here?

People just drop dead in the streets out of sheer neglect?

Well, there is, technically, a doctor.

Then, please take me to that doctor right now.

David: I'm just not sleeping.

I think there's a lack of oxygen getting to my heart

because I'm feeling very suffocated.

Vet: Okay, right. Well, if it is a heart attack

we're way too far away from the nearest hospital

for you to make it through the night.

- What? - Kidding.

Take a deep breath for me.

- (Inhales deeply) - Good.

Now, have you been around any feces in the past two days?

- I don't n... - Vet: So, no.

- No. - Okay. Well, the good thing is,

I don't think that you need an ambulance, David,

because what I think is happening here

is you're having a panic attack.

Oh no, those... Those aren't real.

Those are a PR spin for celebrity publicists.

Trust me, I've known enough celebrities.

No, it's absolutely a... A real thing.

Uh, tell me, have you had any experiences lately

that have caused you... Stress or anxiety?

David: Uh, well, I went from living in a 25 hundred square foot

Soho live/workspace

to a motel room with my sister.

Wow. Eek. That'll do it. (Chuckles)

"Hello, I'm Moira Rose for Herb-"

"Oh, hi! I'm Moira Rose for Herb Ertlinger wines

inviting you to try our latest offering,

a fruity cab franc we call...

We call Herb Ertlinger's fruity cab-"

Oh, no. No, no, no. No good.

Uh...

"Smokey tannins infuse this rich blend with a plummy bouquet."

"Plummy bouquet"? Is this guy for real?

His turns of phrase leave much to be desired,

but the wine is potable.

You called it liquid stink this morning.

The whites seem less stinky.

How about this tote bag?

Two-ply toilet paper has more heft.

I'm sensing negativity, John.

Is this because he did not take you up on your offer?

Are you kidding me? Come on!

Hey, I haven't even given that guy a second's thought since I got home.

I was doing him a favour, that's all.

I don't want him tarnishing your reputation.

I mean, have you read the literature?

Look at this.

"The maximum benefit of the peachafication process."

"Peachafication!" Who uses a word like "peachafication"?

A moron... would use that.

That moron is the first moron to offer me an acting role in a very long time.

Well, he's lucky to have you.

John, this commercial, in the right hands, could be...

I don't want to use the word "comeback,"

that's... I don't wanna jinx it, but...

John, no one knows the business better than you do.

Oh, honey, I'm just the money behind the scenes.

Not that I don't have a few company commercials under my belt, but...

If you want me in your corner, I'm there.

Oh, John. (Kiss) Thank you.

- I'll do what I can. - Thank you.

But seriously, how cheap ass is that bag?

Alexis: (Eyes shut) Ew, ew-ew, ew, ew!

Mutt: You have to open your eyes to get it in the bag!

Alexis: Ugh! Good. Ugh!

- So can I ask you a question? - (Thunder rumbles)

Why do you always get dressed up to do this?

I mean, it doesn't seem very practical.

Alexis: Naomi Campbell wore Dolce & Gabbana couture

to her community service.

And just because she was picking up roadkill

did not mean that she needed to look like it.

And I just always really admired her courage.

Um... I didn't understand a word you just said.

Besides, it's nice to uh... Change clothes every once in a while.

Something you might wanna consider doing at some point.

I change my clothes.

They're just all the same.

- Uh-huh. Yeah. - (Loud clap of thunder)

Oh! Well, at least now they'll get washed.

- (Rain pours) - Alexis: Agghhhh!

Mutt: Come on! Run!

Alexis: (Laughing)

What? It's actually nice in here.

Well, I'm not Valentino, but you know.

Okay, well, don't try and be funny about it.

It just happens naturally.

It's that um...

When a guy can pack his whole wardrobe

into an overnight bag,

you just don't really think that he'd be much of an interior designer.

Don't worry, they're fresh. They're clean.

Hmm. Ooh! Smell that rock-beaten freshness.

What?

It's just I do beat my laundry against rocks.