The Watch

Twenty years back,

Vetinari brought the ancient guilds

out of the shadows and legalised them.

You want to steal, join the Thieves' Guild.

Need somebody killed, go to the Assassins' Guild.

The Watch hasn't fought real crime for years.

Arrest me.

We need a plan.

You're a terrorist.

I suppose I am.

Carcer?

Twenty years ago, did he die?

Sadly not.

But I watched him fall.

I'm with a new gang now.

Silent partners.

They just ask that we burn it down.

This is now a crime scene, Captain.

We don't know what it is.

Find it before Carcer does.

Lady Ramkin wants to help.

I thought I'd check her records.

I think you should read this.

What happened to you?

Miss...

What are you running from?

THEME MUSIC PLAYING...

*THE WATCH* Season 01 Episode 03

Episode Title: "The What?" Aired on: January 10, 2021

Are you ready?

You wanted to watch the Watch.

Mixed a surveillance spell.

I'm ready.

You haven't answered any of my questions.

These silent partners of yours?

Tell me about the spell.

You'll see and hear

whatever Vimes sees and hears.

Will he know I'm watching him?

We connect your minds through a shared memory.

Choose one that's meaningful.

Strong.

Got just the thing.

What were you singing?

How long have you been standing there?

I can't settle my boy.

Cheery wants to learn about dragons.

- He can borrow this one. - I can't have that in here.

He'll need 18 pounds of dead snakes and mice a day

or he'll torch this entire place with you in it.

My report.

Twenty years ago, the officer who wrote this report

was coming home after a long watch.

A teenage girl ran straight up to him.

Both her parents had just been murdered.

He should have been the one person to make sense of it all.

It's all right, Miss.

It's not a murder at all.

But he found a receipt

from the Assassin's Guild on their bodies.

And calmly informed her

that it was all...

a perfectly legal...

Legal

- inhumation. - inhumation.

And there was nothing he could do.

Listen to me. Assassins don't leave witnesses.

You didn't see anything. Say it.

- I didn't see anything. - "I didn't see anything".

I get why you don't want to join.

Oh, no.

I will join you, Vimes.

But I'm never wearing the badge.

"I entrust Gawain's power to you.

"Place him in Veltrick's hand and all will be well."

You think Gawain could be what Carcer needs to control the dragon?

Or what we need to kill it.

What is this Gawain?

Whatever it is, it's most likely in the hands

of the statue of King Veltrick,

down in the Assassins' Guild gallery.

Does that say "ass guild"?

I was trying to save time.

Now these are old, but I think the gallery is in the basement.

And you worked out a plan to get us in and out of there.

Working on it through the night, Captain.

Get us into the guild, down to the gallery

and out before they know what hit them.

Good. How?

With tax inspection.

The law gives us the right to inspect their books at any time.

Goodboy, manners.

Oh, Oh, no. I thought I'd done them all in.

Is the entrance to the "ass guild" unprotected?

Yes. Because going in there would be suicide.

Not if you're one of them.

Wearing that and an appropriately stylish cloak,

I can go in, go down to the basement, find the gallery,

steal the artefact and walk straight out.

- How did you get that? - Lady Ramkin,

we don't know the shape or size Gawain is.

Even if you did get into the basement

- without attracting attention... - If you get caught,

Lord Vetinari will deny all knowledge.

They don't go out through the front.

They have a door in the basement

that links their building to the one next to it.

It can only be opened from their side, so it's bound to be guarded.

Avoid the guard here...

and you can walk out.

That's my exit.

The Guild's full of trained assassins.

They've also been trained to gather around

the inhumation bell when it tolls at dusk.

That's when I go in.

When the head of the Guild hands out the day's contracts.

Everywhere but the main atrium will be virtually empty.

You really think you should be doing this?

I gather you've all read that report.

That snake is still alive, Cheery, and it bites.

Lady Ramkin.

Lady Ramkin, I didn't tell them.

- Hey, Lady Ramkin. - Don't shake it like that.

You're just making it angrier.

The longer you spend searching the gallery, the more likely

something will happen to you.

I'm just saying that with all of us, risk's lower.

We're professionals.

Well, most of the time.

Just get yourself down the door and let us in, all right?

- We'll find Gawain in half the time. - All right.

Understand this.

When I ride, I ride hard.

So saddle up your ponies,

keep kicking or stay in the stables.

I don't understand what that meant.

Did anybody understand any of that?

So we need to get into the building next door.

Who'd be stupid enough to base themselves next door to the Assassins' Guild.

I think you'd suit lipstick.

I didn't realise that going undercover meant we'd have to audition.

Should have had a drink.

Why don't we just walk down to the basement?

Try and get backstage without a VIP pass?

Just remember the three chords we showed you and you'll be fine.

I can't believe they've never heard this song before.

I know.

Wankers.

You guys aren't ready for your alt-jazz vampire-rock fusion bullshit.

All right, listen.

One song can change everything.

Make people cry the same tears, even save the world.

- Hmm. - So let's get this right.

Otherwise we'll get kicked out the building,

Lady Ramkin will die and Ankh-Morpork will burn.

Okay?

Let's shred this.

- I didn't see anything. - "I didn't see anything".

All right. Yeah. So it's wonderful to be here.

Thanks for having us.

Erm, we're the...

We're... We're called... The what?

We're called The What.

And we're gonna play for you an old Dwarfish classic now,

that you might be a little familiar with.

That's right. It's time for Gold.

Gold.

Like we practised, yeah?

SINGING IN DWARFISH...

This magic of yours is amazing.

He's found the artefact?

No, he started a band.

SINGING IN DWARFISH...

- Nice mask. - Thanks. I like yours too.

- You do? - Bloody love it.

The pattern's very striking, isn't it?

Not so much Assassins' Guild, but Sassy Guild.

I don't know, girl. I was thinking maybe it's a little too much.

- Oh, shut up. - You shut up.

Nil mortifi sine lucre , sugar.

Nil mortifi sine lucre, babe.

Oh, it looks like an old mask.

Alice.

Find out who that is.

"Access all areas", dudes.

We're now official members of the Musicians' Guild.

Right. Let's get down to the basement.

Meet Lady Ramkin

- and find Gawain. - find Gawain.

Should have been doing magic your whole life.

Password.

Did you say something, little girl?

Password, big girl.

We have no need for them here.

Your voice is weird.

My voice gets a lot of compliments.

You're not really one of us, are you?

Haven't seen you here before.

I haven't seen you here before.

Why don't you go back to turning cart wheels