Banzaï

BANZAÏ

Which insurance, Sir?

Hold the line.

Yes, Sir?

I'll work it out. Hold the line.

Planet Assistance, at your service.

I'll put you through.

Yes, OK.

I have to take a call.

- Hello? - This is client no. 174652.

I've had a stupid accident. My front wheel's smashed.

OK, fine.

- I'll tell you right now. - Serious?

Some idiot who thinks the Sahara is deserted.

Instead of dying at home, they head abroad.

Yes, I can hear you, Sir.

Now listen.

The nearest garage is at Oued Smir.

The mechanic

is Ahmed, as in the first name, Baroudi.

Baroudi... That's Berthe, Andre,

Robert, Octave, Ursule, Denise, Irene.

- Have fun! - You too.

OK, bye.

Here we go. What'll it be like in August?

Planet Assistance speaking.

Client no. 642123.

I've had an accident. Acc-i-dent!

Not me!

My camel's injured, the front right leg.

Hold the line!

Can't we move the computer closer to the phone?

To save on tiredness!

Michel, my client's banged up in Istanbul.

Nice country but all roads lead to jail.

How did you get yours out last week?

Send a guy over with $10,000 in cash.

The name of the guy you need to pay off is on the boss's desk.

OK, thanks.

I can hear you, yes.

For your camel...

the closest vet is at Oued Smir.

Oued Smir? - The vet's name is Ahmed Baroudi.

That's Baroudi:

Baraka, Ahmed, Rachid...

Stop it, I don't have a pen!

Use your finger in the sand.

Darn it! The sand...

Hi. Can I speak to Michel?

Planet Assistance.

It's client no. 906088.

Superman speaking. How may I help?

It's my heart.

I'll send someone over. Will 6pm be OK?

No, I need affection, urgently.

Who did you send to Istanbul?

Jean-Pierre.

Hello?

Dammit! What's the receptionist up to?

I was just talking to a client. I didn't touch a thing!

Don't yell, I'm here.

What are you doing?

I'm your fiancée, at your beck and call!

Well! How come you're in your air hostess gear?

My last trip. I handed in my notice.

Why didn't you tell me?

I wanted to surprise you.

So you'll stop flying altogether?

Altogether.

My pet!

Relax, we'll do the work. - Oh, come off it!

Hello... Madam?

Quiet, I can't hear a thing!

Hello... Yes, Madam.

Giselle, 2 broken legs in Ceylon.

See how dangerous it is, running around the world?

5,000 calls a day from all over the world:

people sick, injured, or dead.

The world is a vast purulent culture.

Kenya is gangrene,

Turkey is jails,

Africa is amoeba, South America is malaria...

You're only safe at home.

That's not why I quit.

It's what you said about Columbus.

What did I say?

That he messed up his private life, always being away.

It's true. A historical fact.

I want our marriage to work out.

That's why I'm going to quit travel ling.

I'll work with Sophia in her agency.

We'll be happy all our lives.

At least.

What about dinner?

I'll be in Dakar. You?

In Asnière, with Mum.

the Moricets, who are to be released...

I'll quickly review the Moricet saga...

We've set the date for the 25th.

What's the hurry?

Are you kidding? We've been engaged 7 years!

With her job, you'll be sleeping here half the time.

She's quit, to work with Sophia at the agency.

You're leaving me?

I'm 32, don't be ridiculous!

Anyway, we'll have a house nearby.

Bye, pet. I won't be back for dinner.

Give her a kiss from me.

I will!

And don't be back late!

Don't worry, pet.

Bye!

Come on...

Going on vacation, Platini?

Well now! Just wait till that falls off.

It won't.

Sure it will. Look.

Safe as houses.

28% of holiday road accidents are due to badly loaded roof racks.

Really?

Let me do it.

Hi, Michel. Still engaged?

Still an Arab?

Yes, increasingly underdeveloped!

No, that goes on your knee, to support you in an accident.

We'll put it in later.

Not there, Arabs are thieves!

Thieves and rapists. Hide your daughters!

Right.

That kid's so cute.

Never mind that, give me a hand.

Hold it, I'll pull it underneath.

Is it hard, being this dumb?

No, we go to a lot of effort!

We work at it.

He can't tell beer from Coke.

Isn't it the some?

Out of the bottle, they can't tell.

They're religiously sober but they have days off.

You're fine, that'll hold.

I hope you're well insured.

What about the birds?

You're not taking the birds...

What can we do with them?

Quite.

At least I know they'll be safe.

Fancy that, Mum, they're going to Tunisia without insurance.

Surely you won't let them.

I can't force them to sign up.

You can't make people happy despite themselves.

It's wrong to go abroad,

but without insurance, it's suicide.

If you wound your arm, you get gangrene and lose it.

- Oh, come on! - Sure, both of them!

What do you think we do at Planet Assistance?

Look after your tropical fish while you're away?

No, we're on the ground!

When the surgeon is poised to amputate the wrong limb,

we turn up and save you.

In some countries the police slum you in jail for nothing.

I turn up with the keys...

"It's us, Planet Assistance." And you're out!

- What shall we do? - Do whatever you like.

But you never know...

If anything happens, especially with a kid...

Obviously you can't come along and say:

"Oh, we didn't know," then cry about it.

Sign here... right here.

I feel better about you going.

Any mechanical or health problems, I just call you.

And I'll be there.

- That's great! - Isn't it?

But don't go mad just because you're insured.

Bye!

- Here, your kawa. - Thanks.

That's strong. How can you drink 10 a day?

Doesn't keep me awake.

Nothing stops Arabs from sleeping!

Except your wives!

- So when are you getting married? - The 25th.

- Is the Arab invited? - If you wash.

I'll have to learn how to first!

I'll be off. Here.

Take this, 3 times a day. For your liver.

See you later.

It's 9.05. If you're on the ring road, you'll be late.

Only I'm not on the ring road.

Lucky you!

Yes, I'm on the back roads.

Hey, that won't help, he's broken down!

My engine's dead. How about a push?

OK, no problem.

Thanks.

Go on!

Go ahead, go, go!

Hey, watch it!

Stop! Stop the car!

Tell your dad I'm hooked on!

- Little jerk. - Big jerk!

Wop!