Baywatch

MITCH, THIS IS SO NICE OF YOU,

BUT I REALLY FEEL GUILTY ABOUT TAKING THE AFTERNOON OFF.

GUILT FEELINGS? I LIKE THAT.

HEY!

I'VE BEEN BUSTING MY BUTT TRYING TO GET THIS PAPER GOING.

YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT THE VENICE VOICE

TO STAND FOR SOMETHING.

I WANT IT TO HAVE AN IMPACT.

AND I WANT TO ADDRESS THE ISSUES THAT AFFECT OUR COMMUNITY.

A LAPTOP COMPUTER?

BORROWED IT FROM THE OFFICE.

WHAT FOR?

YOUR LEAD STORY.

MY LEAD STORY?

-THERE IT IS. THE SAN DIMAS PIER.

WHAT ABOUT IT?

IT'S CONDEMNED. I THOUGHT THEY WERE GONNA TEAR IT DOWN.

-THAT'S JUST IT, THEY'RE NOT TEARING IT DOWN

UNTIL THEY FIGURE OUT WHO'S GONNA PAY FOR IT.

THE OWNER'S HAVE FILED A LAWSUIT, BUT BETWEEN THE COUNTY,

THE STATE, THE OWNERS, AND THE ATTORNEYS,

THE WHOLE THING COULD BE TIED UP IN COURT FOR YEARS.

MEANTIME, IT'S A MAGNET FOR EVERY MACHO SURFER

TRYING TO SHOOT THE PIER.

SEE THAT BLACK STUFF AROUND THE PILINGS?

YEAH.

-IT'S CALLED REBAR. CUTS YOU UP REAL GOOD.

-WHY DON'T YOU JUST CLOSE DOWN THE BEACH IN THIS AREA?

-IT'S A GOOD IDEA, BUT WE DON'T HAVE THE MANPOWER

TO PATROL THE AREA 24 HOURS A DAY.

I DON'T KNOW, MITCH.

TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST WITH YOU,

I DON'T THINK THERE'S A STORY HERE.

I MEAN, NOBODY CARES ABOUT A COLLAPSING PIER.

HEY!

WHAT'S WRONG?

IS HE ALL RIGHT?

-YEAH. HE'S CUT. I DON'T THINK IT'S TOO BAD, THOUGH.

EASY, EASY, EASY. THERE YOU GO.

DO ME A FAVOR.

ALL RIGHT.

PUT SOME PRESSURE RIGHT HERE.

-UH HUH. IT'S EASY.

THAT'S IT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

NEXT TIME READ THE SIGNS, HUH, BUDDY?

IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

IT'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.

-ALL I KNOW IS THAT SOONER OR LATER, SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET

SERIOUSLY MANGLED ON THE PILINGS.

-MITCH, I UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERNS.

I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.

I PUT IN A CALL TO THE COUNTY COMMISSIONER.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

HE'S, UH, NOT IN.

BIG SURPRISE.

LOOK, MITCH,

I KNOW THERE'S BEEN SOME FOOT-DRAGGING ON THIS,

BUT WE STILL HAVE TO WORK THROUGH THE PROPER CHANNELS

ON THESE MATTERS.

NOT ANYMORE.

KAY MORGAN'S GONNA RUN A FRONT PAGE STORY

IN THE VENICE VOICE.

-YOU THINK IT'S WISE TO GET THE MEDIA INVOLVED NOW?

-NOBODY'S LISTENING TO US, CAPTAIN.

MAYBE SHE'LL GET THEIR ATTENTION.

-WHAT IS IT WITH THESE SURFERS TODAY, MITCH?

I MEAN, WE NEVER HAD TO PROVE ANYTHING.

RUNNING A GAUNTLET OF SOME BATTERED PILINGS?

I MEAN, IT WAS ENOUGH JUST BEING OUT THERE,

GETTING ON TOP OF A WAVE,

FEELING THE POWER OF THE WORLD UNDER YOUR BOARD.

-HANGING TEN. -HANGING TEN.

-WALKING THE NOSE. -WALKING THE NOSE.

- WOULD YOU TWO FOLLOW ME?

I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SHOW YA.

AH, THIS WAS MY FIRST SURFBOARD, GENTLEMEN.

A MICKEY DORA ORIGINAL, COMPLETE WITH A HATCHET SKEG.

THIS OLD PLANK AND I GO BACK A LONG WAY.

-LONGER THAN EITHER ONE OF US CARE TO REMEMBER, EH, BEN.

YEAH.

-YOU KNOW, I'LL NEVER FORGET MY FIRST STICK.

IT WAS A HAND-ME-DOWN FROM MY BROTHER, BUZZ.

BOY, COULD THAT BABY RIP.

YOU KNOW, I OFFERED IT TO HOBIE,

BUT HE SAID HE WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD WITH AN ANTIQUE.

SO I HAD TO GO OUT AND BUY HIM ONE OF THOSE NEW JOBS,

YOU KNOW, THE TRI-FINS WITH THE GORILLA GRIPS.

THAT DAMN THING COST ME A WEEK'S SALARY.

TELL ME ABOUT IT, HUH?

-AT LEAST THE WAVES ARE STILL FREE, MITCH.

YEAH. WELL, SO FAR.

SEE, FEEL THE MATERIAL.

THE FINEST QUALITY IMPORTED DIRECTLY FROM BRAZIL.

THE BARGAIN OF A LIFETIME. $25, TWO FOR $40.

-EDUARDO! WHAT'S THE SPECIAL OF THE DAY?

-BIKINIS. AH.

-MADE FROM A NEW ORGANIC MATERIAL.

ONE SIZE FITS ALL.

PLEASE.

YOU WILL LOOK EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL, IF THAT'S POSSIBLE.

-I HAVE ENOUGH BIKINIS, EDUARDO, THANK YOU.

SO, YOU GOT A PERMIT?

A PERMIT? OF COURSE.

I'M A BUSINESSMAN. NATURALLY, I WOULD HAVE A PERMIT.

ONE SECOND, PLEASE.

IT SEEMS I LEFT THIS PERMIT IN MY CAR.

WELL, WHERE IS YOUR CAR?

-UNFORTUNATELY, MY WIFE DROVE IT TO THE DOCTOR'S.

SHE'S VERY ILL.

I HAVE TO SELL THESE BIKINIS TO BUY HER MEDICINE.

-ALL RIGHT. THAT'S ENOUGH, EDUARDO.

WE'RE GONNA LET IT SLIDE THIS LAST TIME,

BUT THAT'S IT.

COMPRENDE? ABSOLUTELY.

I AM A LAW ABIDING CITIZEN. I LOVE THIS COUNTRY.

I WILL DO WHATEVER YOU SAY.

LOOK, SEE, FEEL THE MATERIAL.

THE FINEST QUALITY, IMPORTED DIRECTLY FROM BRAZIL.

HEY.

WHAT'S THE STORY HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO CLEAN YOUR ROOM

BEFORE WE LEFT. -I DID.

YOU DID?

WHERE?

ALL RIGHT, JUST DO ME A FAVOR.

MAKE YOUR BED AND I'LL HELP YOU WILL ALL THIS JUNK.

WHY DO I HAVE TO MAKE MY BED

WHEN I'M NOT EVEN GONNA TO SLEEP IN IT?

-YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR BED BECAUSE I ASKED YOU TO.

NOW COME ON, GET IT TOGETHER.

I DON'T WANT TO MISS THE CEREMONY.

THERE'S GONNA BE A CEREMONY?

THAT'S RIGHT.

FIRST, WE MAKE A SACRIFICE TO THE GODS,

ASKING THEM TO BRING GOOD WAVES.

A HUMAN SACRIFICE?

WORSE. A CHERISHED SURFBOARD.

ANCIENT RITUAL, HANDED DOWN FROM ONE GENERATION TO NEXT,

HA HA.

SOMEDAY, YOU'LL PASS IT ON TO YOUR SON.

UM, I DON'T THINK SO, DAD.

I KINDA PLAN ON BEING NORMAL, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

WHY, I OUGHTA

TAKE IT BACK! YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF I SAID THAT TO MY FATHER, YOU KNOW WHAT HE'D DO TO ME?

HE'D DO THIS.

TAKE IT BACK!

-I TAKE IT BACK. I TAKE IT BACK.

OH. I GOT IT, I GOT IT.

-HELLO? UH, YOU MUST HAVE THE WRONG PHONE NUMBER.

THERE'S NO ONE NAMED ROVER HERE.

-WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! THAT'S MY BROTHER.

UNCLE BUZZY?

-BUZZ! YEAH. HOW THE HELL ARE YA?

WHERE THE HELL ARE YA?

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' IN SANTA BARBARA?

YEAH, WE'RE HAVING THE CEREMONY.

I'M WALKIN' OUT THE DOOR IN TEN MINUTES.

YEAH, TRACAS.

IS HE COMIN'? -HE'S COMING.

YES!

SEE YA THERE! YEAH!

UH OH, NO!

OH, MY GOD. HELLO, CAPTAIN.

MITCHELL, MITCHELL!

-EH. KELLY, STAY IN SHAPE, WILL YA?

-HEY, MITCH. HEY.

-WHAT'S THIS ABOUT YOUR BROTHER SHOWIN' UP?

I THOUGHT HE WAS LIVIN' IN NEW ZEALAND.

NEW GUINEA, NEW GUINEA.

-OH. I KNEW IT WAS NEW-SOMETHING.

-HEY, DAD. WHY DOES UNCLE BUZZ STAY AWAY?

I MEAN, HOW COME WE NEVER SEE HIM?

REALLY DON'T KNOW, HOBE.

HE LEFT HOME WHEN I WAS ABOUT YOUR AGE.

SAID HE WAS GONNA FIND THE PERFECT WAVE.

I THINK HE'S PROBABLY STILL LOOKING FOR IT.

HEY! I'M BACK!

YOU! I WANT YOU! I AM BACK!