The Lizzie Bennet Diaries

Good morning, Internet.

Or, you know, whatever time it is where you are. What time is it?

Good lord. Wake up Lizzie. Come on.

I’m sorry Charlotte, you should probably just cut all of this out.

Why do I even bother saying that? You never do.

Charlotte, you should keep in all of this mindless blithering.

Blah blah blah blah...

My name is Lizzie Bennet, and...

So, why are you being treated to the Lizzie Bennet Zombie Diaries today?

So glad you asked. Is it because we are careening into the end of the semester,

and I’m slammed with deadlines? True, but no.

Is this a shameless ploy to invoke an internet meme for more viewers?

Not even.

Is it because George Wickham is back in town

and neither one of us got any sleep last night?

Ha! You wish.

No, the blame, as it will surprise no one to learn, rests with my mother.

I believe I’ve mentioned before that she loves a good panic.

Charlotte, roll the clip.

Thrift is to be admired, Lizzie, but that is no reason to show off our virtue.

But her latest fixation has taken on a whole new level of nuts.

This morning, my mother dragged me out of bed to go grocery shopping with her

at four AM. Who goes grocery shopping at four AM?

Insomniacs? College students? Vampires?

Yeah, obviously, someone must or we wouldn’t have 24-hour grocery stores.

Well, now you can add the Bennet family to that list because

Mom's decided she doesn’t want any of the neighbors to see us using coupons.

So I’m dutifully helping her fill our cart with cans of green beans in cranberry juice.

Five for four dollars, this week only!

When it hits me: what’s wrong with this picture?

We’re buying canned green beans in cranberry juice at four in the morning!

Hey Lizzie, do you want me to drop you off on my way to work?

Yeah, hang on a sec.

To be continued.

Hey again. It’s been another fun-filled day in the Bennet household.

I didn’t think this was possible,

but the green beans in cranberry juice situation has gotten even stranger.

Mom wasn’t just buying them because they were on sale.

Oh no. She had a plan.

Behold. Green beans in cranberry jello.