Space Force

Motherfucker!

- What? What is it? - Take a look.

Goddamnit!

Motherfucker!

We have to get back to work!

Wait, are you okay to drive?

- Yeah. - You sure?

Yeah! Acts of foreign aggression really sober me up!

Perhaps I come in, and we finish this.

Can't. Lots of math homework due tomorrow.

Great, I'll help you. It's gonna be like a study date.

It's trig.

We do trigonometry in grade six back home.

Nerd.

Anyway, my father wouldn't approve.

Of study?

Of you helping.

He does it with me.

Makes sure I struggle enough.

It looks all lit up, but no car in driveway.

I don't think he's home.

Maybe I should go in.

Nah.

He promised he'd do it with me.

He's in there, waiting to pounce 'cause I'm late.

- Bye. - Bye.

Dad?

And what do you estimate the velocities are?

Yes. Understood.

The solar panels are still close to the Epsilon unit

but on a slightly different trajectory.

My guys are estimating we have around ten hours

before they're too far away to reattach.

Ten hours? Easy.

We're gonna Apollo 13 the shit out of this thing!

Space Force spirit!

Assess and inventory?

The panel joints were snipped cleanly in the open position.

It'll provide power if we can get it to touch Epsilon 6,

and if we do nothing,

it'll fall into atmosphere and burn up by tomorrow morning.

Okay, team, what do we think?

I think we should try to get the panels and reattach them.

Good. That's a good suggestion. Good.

Okay, team, what do we think?

Suppose we leave the panels on their trajectory

and use Epsilon's adjustment thrusters to bring the craft to the panels?

- Interesting. - Great. Done.

And how are we powering the thrusters?

Because the panels were the power source.

The connection nubs are exposed.

Microwave irradiation of the nubs from the Alaska Microwave Telescope

might generate enough for thruster ignition.

The craft will be above Alaska in 15 minutes.

It's almost dinnertime in Alaska. Are we sure that the nips will be exposed?

Nubs, sir.

I'm here.

What's going on?

This is a fun sleepover kind of energy?

Get Alaska on the phone.

- Yes, sir. - No, don't bother.

The panels are headed for the atmosphere.

So... hurry, right?

The nubs won't generate enough power to change directions.

Epsilon will burn up.

Never mind. Stupid. Stupid!

How did this guy get hired?

I'm the foremost aeronautical engineering theorist in Belgium.

Well, I didn't realize that Belgium had a space force.

Belgium is part of the European Space Agency

because Belgium is part of Europe.

Great, 'cause there's nothing stronger than a European Union.

What's after Brexit?

Frexit? Swexit?

Shall we brainstorm?

Yeah, let's do that. Let's break up into teams.

Anybody under the rank of lieutenant general can take notes.

And... anybody who's from Belgium.

Would we ever get to this flight equation?

- This is the satellite. - Right.

This is what's come off of the satellite.

Yes, if we enter this way...

As long as the models match.

Keep in mind that we don't have any glasses or protractors in space.

Would the thrust chamber assembly cluster...

La-la-la, listen. Are you familiar with the sonic boom?

Fresh out of the oven!

Here you go. Cookies.

Take one per person. One. Careful, they're hot.

Okay.

"Manned space walk from the ISS."

That's risky, and the ISS is 200 kilometers away.

If we ask for outside help,

the whole world will know that the Chinese bufu'd our satellite.

Next card.

"Solar panels are like light sails.

Push them back with light."

That's interesting, Yamato.

It is, but how would we focus the sunlight in the right direction?

- Retask a LEOT. - Next card!

That's Low Earth Orbit Telescope.

Next card, please!

Yamato, there is something there.

Why don't you take Swedberg and Carter

and noodle it around a little bit?

Good idea.

Okay, what have we here?

This says...

"Bomb."

I don't know if that is a noun, a verb,

or an adjective describing my outfit.

All right, let's not just dismiss that out of hand.

What about a bomb?

In my experience with the Air Force, that was very often the right answer.

Very, very often.

Are we now pretending we have tons of time?

We don't!

Okay, then who would like to elaborate on their idea of "bomb"?

All right, it was me!

Maybe it's a small smart bomb, very targeted.

I don't see how that could help.

All right, a big fuckin' bomb. That was my first instinct, anyway.

- That's no better. - Shockwaves!

- It's a vacuum. - Space is a vacuum.

Vandeveld, take Chan, and work out the details.

Noodle it around.

I don't get it.

I don't get it.

"Tangent X"?

Dad!

Assess and inventory.

What assets do we have within a 100-mile radius of Epsilon?

Four pieces of space junk

consisting of three bags of garbage from a 1990 shuttle mission and a Tesla.

Also, there's something here

that this computer only identifies as "Mission X-12."

I don't have the security clearance to see what it is.

Use my code. I'll type it in.

Okay.

Okay. It's open.

Assess and inventory.

This launched two months ago. On board: assault rifles, ten.

Assault rifles?

This was not a scientifically useful mission, guys.

I kept it from you.

It was a very successful mission, ordered by POTUS himself,

which proved that assault rifles will work in the vacuum of space.

Which was never in doubt.

But now the Manchester Arms Company can advertise the R-9

as the official Space Force gun

for committing mass shootings on the moon.

Or hunting.

Okay, okay, no politics, please!

We all took an oath to defend the Constitution,

not a political party.

We are all Americans here.

Even Chan and Vanden-f-flank.

- I'm an EU citizen. - Canadian.

Indian immigrant. On a green card.

- Sri Lankan with an O-1 work visa. - We don't have time for this!

Keep going, Chan.

Okay, also on board: assorted tool package 2-A.

Bags of chimp food, ten.

Bags of dog food, ten.

Chimp, adult male.

Dog, adult male.

I’m in charge of animal experimentation. Why were there animals on board?

Would you like to handle that?

The White House felt very strongly

that footage of a dogstronaut and a chimpstronaut would be worthwhile

and would be, um...

what's the word?

Viral.

That reminds me, someone release Fuck Tony from the brig.

So the groundbreaking science was not enough.

We needed a literal dog and pony show, recast with a chimp.

Yes!

But that is something that we can work with.

We have a manned flight or man's best friend.

We have personnel in the field.

Yes, but we have the best personnel here on the ground,

and surely it is the people who invented the bus,

rather than the driver,

who are the best people to fix it.

You're talking to a pilot. Remember who flies the plane.

Most planes fly by autopilot.

- Shut up, Chan. - Well, most buses, too.

Soon, everybody will be out of a job, except scientists.

I think Yamato's light sail team are our best bet.

Yeah, but I don't understand what that is.

Warren Buffett always says that he doesn't invest in tech

because he doesn't understand it.

Wait, look, why do you distrust scientists?

You scientists say "don't eat carbs" one day,

and "only eat carbs" the next!

Because of the large sample sizes and long time periods,

dietary science is by nature an imprecise sci...

Shut up!

I wanna talk to this chimp.

Can we get a video conference going?