Rampart

We are also going to be talking...

with Kim Alexander on following the money trail.

[Radio continues, indistinct]

[Police radio, indistinct]

Getting broken in by Senor Rape-ez here, huh?

Yeah? You having a good day?

- Yeah. - I'll break it down for you, alright?

All you really need to know is...

among this whole sea of brown skin...

a Mexican man hates a Honduran,

just like a Guatemalan hates a Salvadoran.

They're really not all the same.

Everybody's dealin' dope, twenty-four/seven.

It's an open-air supermarket.

Everybody's got a woodstick for the LAPD.

Typical, onionhead gangbanger.

It'll be a Mexican. You know.

A Patuso or a Fuego. And all this shit,

it all derives from something real important,

like what little berg in the Culiacán Uncle Juanito comes from.

How many fuckin' coyotes the dirty little hamster

bred with on his journey up here to the promised land.

What about the scandal?

The scandal's bullshit.

Two dickhead cops got embroiled

in some fuck up.

Ratted out an entire sweet division...

to save their own wretched asses.

The D.A.'s office is running scared, afraid to file,

afraid not to exonerate en-fucking-masse.

Now you got a lot of hopped-up Rodney King wannabe beaners

making whoop-de-doo of their own,

with get-out- of-jail-free cards and a pile of county cash.

This used to be a glorious soldier's department. Now it's... you.

What's funny?

Private Hatchet woman over here is inquiring

about the scandal of the century.

You didn't touch your fries.

What? Oh.

I had a couple of them, but I got a cholesterol thing. Why, you want them?

No, you want them. Finish it.

I can't... I don't eat French fries.

Well, then you shouldn't have ordered them.

Finish those fries.

Dave hates wasting food.

You never see him eat, but...

he hates wasting food.

If you keep going like this,

you're gonna look like a crackhead.

Munch, munch, cowgirl. C'mon.

A very attractive crackhead, mind you.

You makin' eyes at me?

You want one?

No, no, no. You're doin' good.

I stay healthy.

Finish those fries if you wanna make probation.

- Okay? - Yes, sir.

Your dad ever discipline you?

Huh?

No, sir.

I never met my father.

You never met him. Why?

He wasn't around.

General!

You guys make a great couple.

I was just bull-shitting you.

Thanks, boss.

There you go. Eat up. Eat up.

You aim for the shortest wetback, you watch him skedaddle...

plow the dice and the Schlitz Malt Liquor cans...

and hit your siren in farewell.

Let's see what we've got.

Wooo!

Green cards!

Yeah, you'll get the hang of it.

- Aren't you worried? - About?

You'll get a 128?

Okay, listen. This is the most important thing I've told you so far.

Everything you learned at the Academy is bullshit.

An Illegal is just a sick bird.

This is some military occupation, kid. Emergency law.

Alright, let's have some fun.

[Crowd noise, loudspeaker announcements, indistinct]

What went on here?

Caught him boosting ephedrine and propyl alcohol.

What happened?

Ow.

He hit you?

Yeah.

You hit him? Tough guy?

Step outside, will you?

- Outside? - Yeah, outside.

Hey, will you step out, too?

- I don't know, sir - Now!

And shut that door behind you.

Nice tat.

Now, you're cooking crank out of somebody's garage.

I don't know where that garage is, but you do.

Now where oh where could that damn garage be?

I don't see it, but you do.

- No, I don't. - Yes, you do.

Okay, so now you have petty theft, assault...

I'm sure you have at least four priors.

That's a violation and mandatory bullet, compadre.

Now, you give me that address, and it all goes away.

What's the address?

I don't want to hurt you. I don't. I like you.

- You don't know anything? - Don't know, nothin'.

Tell me where it is. C'mon.

I don't know where it fuckin' is. I don't fuckin' know!

[Station noise, people talking]

That's your man.

- What? - Meth lab. 41 East Cesar Chavez.

That's it? No explanation, Dave?

- Hey, Dave, question? - Yeah?

Circuit Court appeals for illegal search and seizure.

Give me a precedent.

Cuthbert versus Ingleside County, Virginia, 1966. Look it up.

You have all those cases memorized?

Sure, and if I don't, I make it up.

...takes place in this great, great country of ours. C'mon.

But let's imagine if you will what might be happening out there beyond America,

beyond our word, because I'm sure this will leave you

simply breathless.

It's my opinion that when we hear

of some bizarre or repugnant or deviant story

like the one you are about to hear, well,

it's not that the world suddenly...

- Hey, ladies. - Dave.

- Hey, babe. - Any wine for me?

- Dinner's at 6:30. - I'll be there.

[Dogs barking in distance, birds chirping]

Daddy!

Hey.

- How are my girls? - Great.

Yeah? No hello, Helen?

- Hey, Date Rape. - Don't call me that.

Something about it that's...

What's up, monkey?

Helen has a question.

Maybe you have a question.

We both have a question.

Helen's studying genetics in school,

and since our moms are sisters...

and you're our dad, we were just wondering...

if we were inbred.

It's not funny!

No, sorry. Sorry.

No, I married your moms consecutively, not concurrently...

which makes you and Helen first cousins and sisters, half.

It's all perfectly legal

and genetically up to insurance industry standards.

You're not gonna turn into mongoloids any time soon,

if that's what you're asking.

You're not inbred. You know what you are?

You're native.

- It's sad. - They're dead. They can't commit suicide.

Is this a new TV show?

No. I'm trying to make it up.

It sounds like it. The ghosts are depressed?

No. I was thinking about maybe making it

a graphic novel or something.

You could do that.

- Suicidal ghosts. - I would like to see that.

They want out. So these people, who I think are actually...

Barbara, where's the olives? There's no olives.

I'm sorry. I don't know.

I think we're out, I'll look, but I think we're out.

They're complete barbarians.

And they have just as many problems as we do.

Why do you let her put that on the wall?

Helen's poster?

Yeah, that little collage.

It's amazing. She's been working hard on it.

She's worked on that thing for three weeks.

- It's amazing, is it? It is amazing. - It's quite something.

I think it should be in a museum.

That's what I think.

Don't you tell your mother you learned that from me.

Here, give me your plate, Marg.

And that's not okay if that's a bowl.

May I sleep with you tonight?

I have sketching to do. Please.

So that's not a no, is it?

That would be a very nice way to say no.

What about a nice way to say yes?

What about after your sketching?

No, no...

I'm gonna be up all night.

Aunt Bee, is there any more broccoli?

Are you asking for more vegetables?