Escort in Love (Nessuno mi può giudicare)

Feel how I feel the feeling

The feeling I'm feeling

I'm feeling the feeling

I don't want a string quintet!

I asked for an Eros Ramazzotti cover band

because we listened to him when we dated.

My husband doesn't want five mummies torturing us with Vivaldi!

Hold on. There's an immigrant who thinks he's in Formentera.

Florante, I don't pay you to sunbathe in the garden!

He can't hear.

Florante.

What the fuck are you doing?

Sorry ma'am.

-Sorry. I was working… -Yeah, right.

Go pick up my son from school. He'll be out in 15 minutes!

Here she is. Alice Bottini.

Age 33, a villa with pool,

three servants and a SUV.

She's very tense because she's having a crisis.

Listen, Imene.

My name's Jimena.

Imene, Jimena… Same thing.

This isn't Machu Picchu, it's Italy. We eat Italian food.

No to guacamole, yes to sausage.

It's not complicated.

Yes, ma'am.

Hello? Still there?

Sorry. They're foreign. We don't understand each other.

Her son Filippo is learning the tough rules of life,

cutting his teeth at a private school that costs 1,350 euros monthly.

Plus tax.

Bravo.

This is one of the 50 daily texts he sends Pietro.

He's much more than a father. He's an entrepreneur.

Gentlemen…

get ready.

I'm about to show you…

the double toilet, otherwise known as "The wedding dream"

and also known as "The double dream".

Genius!

Genius.

Genius.

Excuse me, what are we talking about?

The double toilet, Graziani. I just told you. "The wedding dream!"

What? The crapper's my only safe haven.

Why should I bring my wife?

Giulio has been having crises since he was little.

His colitis began on May 10th, 1981,

when a ref disallowed Turone's goal in the Juve-Roma game.

He hasn't recovered since then.

And neither have I.

Damn it!

Please, Giulio.

The next time I ask for a ride, say no!

Understand?

Chill out!

Well?

The guests will be here in ten minutes!

Sorry, ma'am. The bus never came.

Listen, Gandhi, don't play dumb with me.

-I'm from Pakistan, not India. -Good for you.

Now please go to the kitchen and heat up the pies.

Great way to treat workers. Congrats!

You should be a union leader.

Do I know you?

Right. Then do me a favor. Get lost.

I have no time to waste.

Know what your problem is?

Your dress.

For Alice anniversaries, birthdays and name days

are a great opportunity to invite high society Romans.

Watch out, idiot!

I didn't see you, sir.

What's going on?

Mr. Margiotta, I'm mortified.

Aziz, apologize immediately.

Sorry, sir.

Sorry, my ass!

Gino, don't do that!

You look ugly when you get angry.

Right?

And it's a shame because usually…

Ok, we're going to eat some nice fried cheese.

Yes, Eva.

Look at Eva!

Well?

Excuse me.

What's that cover girl doing with Shrek's cousin?

-You don't know? -She's an escort.

No way! Really? An escort?

Disgusting! I wouldn't be caught dead doing it with him.

Of course not. I'd rather go to work.

Eva is really beautiful!

An escort by vocation.

She bought a penthouse by the Colosseum.

In cash.

What can you do? Her job pays well.

She probably got 1,000 euros to accompany that fatso.

-That much? -And even more.

Up to 5,000 on weekends.

Mr. Pietro, ma'am.

Love?

-Where are you? -I just finished the meeting…

Just now. Right now.

Ok, but everyone's here. I'm alone and don't know what to do.

-Don't worry. I'll be right there. -Hurry up, love.

Dear friends…

we are here gathered today…

to say goodbye to a fellow citizen.

Pietro…

was a man everyone loved.

Mom, who's that?

Nobody, love. Some crazy woman.

Listen to the priest. Don't get distracted.

As a child, Pietro locked himself in the bathroom.

For hours.

Everyone wondered, "Why is he locked in the bathroom?"

He was already creating.

He experimented in his magical world

with sinks, toilet seats and flushers!

Pietro was predestined, an innovator!

That's why we miss him today.

That is why I miss him.

Here he is. Attorney Bompadre…

in his original funeral attire.

His specialties?

Commercial law…

and making an ass of himself.

Alice, it's really bad.

Your husband left a heap of debts.

What are you saying? That's impossible.

He was a genius, Alice.

-Thanks, Peppe. -He was a genius.

-Thanks, Davide. -He was a genius.

-Thanks, Alfredo. -A genius.

Thanks.

The Circeo house will be auctioned.

Just like stores, warehouses and cars.

Alice?

My wife wanted to say something.

-Sure. -My condolences.

Thanks, Cristina. Thank you so much.

The problem isn't just money.

As sole director, you're responsible for everything.

And you risk going to jail.

Big deal! Nobody goes to jail in Italy.

Last year you negotiated for two and a half years.

If you're condemned, there'll be no suspended sentence.

You will serve time.

I did not negotiate! What do you mean?

Pietro had you sign the proxy so you wouldn't worry. Don't you remember?

It was to pay fewer taxes.

This morning I talked to Semprini from the finance company.

He said he wants his money back.

One hundred thousand euros.

-Really? -He's a shark.

If you don't pay within six months, he'll report you for bankruptcy fraud.

-Straight to jail. -Mother of God!

At that point social services will take away your son.

-Not Filippo. -But they will.

Neither you nor Pietro have relatives.

You must find the money.

It's the global crisis.

I made some investments and…

We rented a boat so we can't…

Not a cent for you!

-Forget it! -You can die.

Alice who?

After two months of agony, finally Alice…

collapsed.

If you don't pay up, I'll call the union.

Thanks for your support.

I need my salary too, ma'am.

-You're calling the union too? -If you want, I will.

Excuse me, ma'am. Where are you sleeping tonight?

I don't know yet.

You and the boy can come to the building where I live.

There's a rooftop pad.

Great services. The price is very low.

Needless to say.

Where exactly do you live?

-Yo! -Yo!

Hi, Diego.

Where's your dad?

Dunno.

Lionello!

What's this shouting?

Aziz, I told you so many times.

Don't call me Lionello.

For you, I am Mr. Doorman.

I'm sorry, Mr. Doorman.

She's here for the rooftop pad.

I'm going to work. Bye.

Lionello Frustace, seventh generation doorman.

For such occasions he has three cult phrases

he's been using for 20 years.

They come to Italy and think they're boss.

That's the first.

The second's more refined.

They think they can do what they want in our country.