The Big Bang Theory

Look, I know you guys don't want to do this,

but we have no choice.

So, you can either bitch and whine

or we can just get it over with.

I got "whine."

I got the "b word."

Yeah, well, it's in our contract

to serve on a university committee.

And frankly,

this is one I believe in.

Okay, here we go.

Encouraging more women to pursue a career in the sciences.

Come on, if I was any good

at convincing women to do stuff,

I wouldn't have spent so much of my 20s in the shower.

If you ask me,

this whole thing is a waste of our time.

Helping women?

Yeah, helping anyone.

People should take care of themselves.

Oh, like yesterday,

when you made me drive you to the dry cleaners,

the pharmacy and the post office?

I'm not saying people can't use tools.

Even an otter picks up a rock when he wants a clam.

You don't think it's worthwhile

to try to get more women working in science.

I think that's incredibly sexist of you.

I believe in a gender-blind society

like in Star Trek, where women and men

of all races and creeds work side by side as equals.

You mean where they were advanced enough

to invent an interstellar warp drive,

but a black lady still answered the space phone?

Oh, I did spend a lot of my

shower time with Lieutenant Uhura.

Howard's disturbing recollections aside,

I don't appreciate being forced to do

banal committee work.

Yes, I know, you're too smart for this.

Exactly.

It's like asking the Human Torch

to heat up your frozen burrito.

Got it.

All right, I'm thinking one way

to counter bias in the peer-review process,

is for papers to be submitted under gender-neutral names.

Like S. Smith

instead of Samantha Smith.

I suppose there is a history of professional women

using their initials, so as not to be pre-judged.

Harry Potter's J.K. Rowling,

uh, Star Trek's D.C. Fontana.

Van Nuys pole-dancer D.D. Melons.

All right, I think we've really helped women today.

Let's fire up the old Xbox.

Guys, please don't make this a school project

where I'm the smart kid doing all the work

while the slackers sit back and watch.

No, we're not.

This time you're the smart kid doing all the work

while the even smarter kids sit back and watch.

So, you think I'm one of the smarter kids?

No, you're a tool I was using to make my point.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

(video game sound effects playing)

Guys, our topic is "Encouraging Women in Science."

Can you at least play a less sexist game

How is it sexist?

My character wields a battle axe as well as any man.

Not to mention she has mammary glands

that could nurse a family of 30.

And have enough milk left over to open a Baskin Robbins.

Mother, warrior-princess, franchise owner--

I hear glass ceilings shattering all over town.

Sheldon, you're always saying

how much smarter you are than me.

Spend five seconds and come up with one idea

on how to get more women into science.

All your ideas address the issue at a university level.

By then it's too late.

You need to design an outreach program

that targets girls at the middle school level

and sets them on an academic track

towards the hard sciences.

That's actually good.

Why didn't I think of that?

Some people are otters, some people are rocks.

I wonder if there's a way

we could give the idea a trial run.

Maybe I could call my old middle school,

see if we can talk to some of the female students.

That's great-- try to set up something

for the three of us to go over there.

Oh, hold on.

While I'm comfortable speaking about science,

I'm not sure I know how to spark the interest of schoolchildren.

Better Google it.

What exactly are you looking up?

"How do I get 12-year-old girls excited."

No! No!

Thanks again for letting me crash "girls' night."

Are you kidding?

You brought fancy wine and made fondue.

I've slept with guys for less.

It's a joke.

Based on real events.

Anyway, I was hoping I could, uh,

pick your brains a little.

I'm supposed to take Lucy out Friday

and I need a killer first date.

Well, evolutionary biology says that women are attracted

to a man who is steady in the face of danger,

so I recommend an unsafe environment.

Seedy bar on the wrong side of the tracks...

picnic near a lunatic asylum...

a wine tasting on Skid Row.

Eh, Lucy has some, uh, social anxiety issues.

Maybe we could start with something simpler.

Why don't you take her to Disneyland?

You go on Space Mountain,

you're in the dark, she's holding onto you.

Yeah, but you just have to remember,

that ride is shorter than you think

and they take a picture of you at the end,

so make sure you got your clothes back on.

It's a joke.

Based on real events.

Mm, Disneyland?

I don't know.

With all the crowds and the weird characters walking around,

just reminds me too much of India.

I haven't been to Disneyland since I was a kid.

We should definitely go one weekend.

Weekends are too crowded.

So, blow off work, go on a weekday.

Hooky?

I've never played hooky in my life.

My mom said that's how girls end up

addicted to reefer and jazz music.

It's more like how girls end up at a Best Western hotel

with a 34-year-old guy named Luther.

Joke?

I can laugh about it now.

So, what do you say?

This Friday we ditch work and go to Disneyland?

I'm in.

Me, too.

Excuse me,

I thought we were trying to solve my problem?

Oh, yeah, right.

Wait, what was your problem again?

I am a man who can't talk to women,

trying to figure out how to go on a romantic date

with a girl who suffers from such crippling

social anxiety she can't be around other people.

Yeah, that's a toughie.

Let's think.

Hmm.

We doing just Disney or California Adventure, too?

It's nice of your old school

to let us try out our science talk on some female students.

Well, they're actually pretty excited.

I'm their most famous alum. (chuckles)

If you don't count the serial killer

who ate all those prostitutes.

This must feel pretty good for you,

coming back to your alma mater as an astronaut.

Yeah, last time I was here, I was just a scrawny little nerd.

And now you're also an astronaut.

So many memories.

I mean, how many times in these hallways

was I tripped, punched and spit on?

Oh, look, here's my old locker.

I have a masters in engineering

and I still can't figure out how Scott Kapinski

got me and my briefcase to fit in there.

Hey.

What?

Nothing.

Smart. We don't want any problems.

I can't believe I ditched work for Disneyland.

What did you tell your boss?

Oh, I was very clever, I did it in stages.

At 7:00 last night,

I called about a problem at the lab

and casually mentioned I was going out for seafood.

At 9:30,

I called and told him that one of my scallops tasted weird.

At 11:30, I called and said

I was throwing up like a fire hose.

At 12:45, I called and made nothing but dry heaving sounds,

and now I'm going to Disneyland.

Penny, what did you say?

I work at the Cheesecake Factory,

I said "bye."

So, what are we gonna do first?

I don't know about you guys,

but I'm gonna make a beeline for the place

that gives you a princess makeover.