Fresh Off the Boat

- Good evening, mayor! - Good evening, mayor!

Hello, boys!

You look dashing in your top hats.

Check your trouser flap, young man.

I was wide open, guys. Thanks.

You're looking well, Mayor.

Thank you, butcher.

Care for some ham?

No ham for me.

I'm already full with joy.

Beautiful wreath, you two!

Much less tacky than last year.

We're learning.

It's a Douglas fir.

Uhp!

You missed some trash, waste gatherers.

Yes, Mayor.

This bag is very wet.

Ho ho ho, Mayor Jessica.

Heard you were building us a new library.

You heard right, Lao Ban Santa.

Uh, Jessica?

Well, look who decided to finally roll out of bed.

It's 5:00 in the morning.

The day after Thanksgiving.

I'm still more turkey than man. Can this wait until later?

No. Jessica Town is in full swing.

The Christmas season has officially begun,

and there's no time to waste.

Eddie, your pajama flap is open.

I know.

Captions by VITAC...

Season 06 Episode 10 Episode Title : "Jessica Town"

Mmm.

Thanksgiving leftovers are the best.

You guys should have tasted my pancakes with turkey gravy.

Why would... He's a human sewer.

Ooh. Our community parkis building an ice rinkfor the holidays.

Ice skating in Florida... what an era.

We should go together.

We haven't gonesince the boys were born.

Louis, it's 1999.

It's the last Christmas of the century...

No, the millennium.

It has to be perfect.

I'm marking the occasion with a stunning monument...

A life-size gingerbread house on our lawn.

Take a look at my prototype.

Behold the flawless candy-cane gutters.

Although, they'll be a bitch to clean once the leaves fall.

Jessica, instead of addingto your list of holiday tasks,

you should be subtracting.

We lose you for the whole month of December.

Well, people expect a lot from me at Christmas.

My cards, my caroling solos,

the boys with their unique Christmas requests.

Hey, boys, what do you wantfor Christmas this year?

- Gift card. - Gift card.

See?

It gets simpler nowthat they're getting older.

Let's go skating.

What if I get hurt on the ice?

What if somebody slams into me, breaking my bones?

Come on. Your skeleton? Strong.

Can't risk it. Who would do all my work?

The holiday perfection I've become famous for

would be ruined.

Oh, I got to run.

Tinsel goes on sale today,

and I refuse to buy any that's already been touched.

Oh, no. Look at that huge bear.

Quick! Drop the salmon and...

Ugh. Read me in again.

- Ugh. - Evan,

go from your line about the river.

Stop whining. Emery needs our help.

Thanks, Grandma.

Let's go find somewhere else to rehearse.

It should always be about the family.

Just like in this play, "Wyoming Family."

Way to tank those linesso we could get out of this.

Smart.

Going through the motions. That's my thing.

Hey, guys.

Do you mind hiding my Christmas gift for Marvin?

All he does is snoop for presents,

and I'd feel better if I kept it here.

Sure, Honey. What'd you get him?

It's... a maritime nutcracker.

It combines his three favorite things...

Snacks, the Navy, and wood.

I'll be back later to wrap it.

Thank you.

There's no way this dude can crack a nut.

You'd be surprised by the amount of force a lever can generate.

It's physics.

Nerd, please.

Are you doubting me?

Take this pistachio.

See? Formidable... like Mom's skeleton.

Now, let's add a lever to the equation.

Awesome.

Levers.

Let's go bigger.

Now you're talking. There's no stoppin' us now.

We pushed him too far.

It was the jawbreaker.

It says itright in the damn name.

Relax, bro.

We'll replace it before Honey finds out.

How much could it cost?

"Handmade in Germany by real Germans."

It's $400!

Why does Germany always have to go over the top?

Are those my Christmas cards?

Dad did them for you.

He seemed happy to use the rest of his tuba stamps.

Went on a big rant about postage going up again next year.

Tubas don't represent Christmas.

And he scribbled the addresses.

Where's the elegant calligraphy?

Stupid tuba hippo.

What in the name of Lao Ban?

Hey! What are you guys going?

We decided to change things up.

Yeah. The butcher gave us the idea.

Mm-hmm.

How about this sassy brass?

I'm out of cash.

I spent it on Tina's gift a brown weave belt.

The whole thing is belt holes.

How 'bout you?

I've got nothing.

All my extra money is tied up in mutual funds.

We don't have anywhere close to $400

to buy a new nutcracker.

We have to tell Honey what happened.

And risk getting in trouble and losing our Christmas gift cards?

I'm spending mine on a certificate to Taco Bell

so I can crush tacos whenever I want.

Wait, you're using a gift card to buy a gift card?

You've got to spend money to make money.

We're not telling Honey.

We'll just do what I always do when I make a mistake...

cover it up.

I don't know. Sounds delinquent.

Sure. My way sometimes gets messy, but it always works out.

I've broken plenty of things and never gotten caught.

You think that's your original watch?

That watch was a birthday gift from my pen pal in Ecuador.

Well, this one's from Sears.

I don't know. Seems wrong.

Evan, think aboutall the stress confessing would cause everyone.

Honey? Mom?

You want to ruin Christmas?

Okay.

Let's do it your way.

Also, what happened to my old watch?

Long story short, it's in Trent's dog.

Oh, hey.

You see how I, uh, knocked out all the Christmas cards?

I sure did.

Great. Then let's lace upsome steel and hit the rink.

I packed some singles,

so maybe we can tip our wayinto a Zamboni ride.

No Zamboni.

I have to stay and fix everything you did wrong.

I seal each one with a kiss.

Nobody knows, but I know.

Okay.

I think you're going overboard.

I think you should leave Christmas to the professionals.

You thought I had little time before?

Now I have no time at all.

I mean, look at this calligraphy.

It could have come straight from the Vatican.

You're redoing the envelopes just

because I used the wrong stamps?

I don't see what the big deal is.

My Christmas cards kick off the holiday season,

and everyone expects perfection from me.

Okay, I knew you were particular about Christmas...

Particular?

I've been fine-tuning the details for years.

I don't improvise.

This is Christmas, not some sleazy jazz concert.

Understood. I just didn't know

it went all the way down to envelopes.

But now that I know, I can help out,

and then we can go skating.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Let's see... stockings need hanging, wine needs mulling.

Come on. How hard could it really be?

Okay. You want to help?

You just drew gingerbread house.

What? But that's your showstopper.