Villains Inc.

From the newsroom, this is Channel 9 News.

Police are asking for any information

that could lead to the capture of the Winter General and his associates,

who have been identified on surveillance footage in connection

with the recent disappearance of the mayor.

This is the latest in a string of crimes since the ratifying of the 28th Amendment,

granting superpowers as a human right for both heroes and villains.

Reports indicate that power-enhancement drugs

are being dealt on the streets to the highest bidder,

potentially exacerbating the crime wave.

Captain Justice and his team are working tirelessly to find the suspects

and put an end to this illegal drug trade before it's too late.

Please help me.

She looks nice.

Beatrix.

How do we even know these work?

Fair enough.

The mutant genome spider.

The world's most poisonous spider, and yet a true pacifist...

unless provoked, such as when defending its familial group against--

Quiet.

Should we be aware of any side effects?

Mm!

Like, will these give him, like, fingernail sensitivity, or--?

-Insomnia? -High T? Low T?

-No T? -What about hot flashes?

Because he is the Winter General, after all.

-That could be devastating. -It could ruin things for all of us.

Did we already talk about his liver? Because he already has cirrhosis.

Sort of runs in his family, the cirrhosis.

- Yeah, it's, uh, genetic. - Yeah.

-I would like to know about the urination. -Color, texture.

It'll still be liquid, right?

What if he becomes pregnant or may become pregnant?

-Can he become pregnant if he wants to? -Silence!

It's not addictive, though, is it?

Because we already have an opioid crisis.

That's not this master's plan. That's Big Pharma's plan.

Hey-o.

Not to be too political. Sorry, I'm really nervous.

-Do you wanna see a magic--? -Beatrix, Cain!

It's a good one.

What has gotten into you two?

It's confirmed.

Captain Justice is on the way.

He fell for the bait.

Go us!

It seems Captain Justice is falling into my trap, Mr. Mayor.

You're not gonna get away with this, Winter General.

Won't I?

May the blood of that self-righteous pig moisturize your angry fists, my liege!

Ow.

Yes, Harold.

There will be blood.

I hope you're not talking about my blood.

'Cause I prefer to keep it to myself.

Captain Justice.

That's me.

Justice Punch!

-Nice toss. -I know.

I have waited for this moment for a long time.

You call me a villain, and for what?

Because...

My favorite shirt has a hole in it.

Cain.

It is very important that you do not...

move.

- Whoa! - I said, don't move!

Harold.

Harold.

You, who finds himself superior

just because he has signed a few book deals.

Just put the gun down.

I think it's accepted me as one of its own.

-I got a clear shot. -But it's on my face.

- Just turn profile. - No.

- Do it. - Look.

There has to be a better way.

You don't want innocent mutated-spider blood on your hands.

- Okay. - All right.

Okay.

I got this.

-What are you doing? -Sleight of hand.

-No. -I got this. I got this. I got this.

-Okay. Okay. You got this. -I got this. I got this.

Spare the rod, spoil the civilization.

And that includes its so-called protector.

And so, Captain, you must see.

I can't. I can't.

- You can do this. - Even with all your power...

-On three. -Okay.

...you must die.

-One. -Goodbye, Brother Spider.

Two!

-Master? -Brother Spider?

Thanks, guys.

Couldn't have done it without you.

Ahh. Justice Juice. Bring thirst to justice.

Mayor.

Catch you all later.

Do you think he's gonna be okay?

Probably not.

Brothers and sisters...

I love you, master!

Mm, Mama likes that storefront.

Hoo. Powers.

Feeling hungry?

No, thanks.

Wow, free gruel and you're ungrateful.

You know, there are henchmen in China who are starving.

Well, lots of people in China are starving.

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Harold, aren't you tired of eating that stuff every day?

No.

How about watching your bosses get blown up?

-Too soon. -See? I know you don't like that.

Or watching SEAL Team 6 take him out while you're trying to sleep.

What happened to that guy?

He died, Harold. That's what we're talking about.

That's why we've been saving up our money for ten years to go independent.

Now, we all know world domination takes money.

The projected cost is $1 billion.

-And we are a little short of it. -That's right.

But after today, we will have enough to start this.

Killer Petco.

The world's first evil pet store. Working title.

'Cause supervillains love to have their sinister pet sidekicks.

They do indeed.

So we slowly permeate the market selling pets to villains.

But we secretly train them with a kill switch

to turn on their owners when the time is right.

And, thanks to some legalese in the contract at the point of sale

naming us the sole beneficiaries,

we simultaneously eliminate competition

and gain the wealth and assets for world domination.

I love that.

One note, do we have to do the kill-switch part?

What do you mean?

I just don't really like the idea of us killing anyone.

Well, it's world domination, Cain. People get killed.

Does it have to be our evil overlords?

-Yes. -Why?

Because that's the plan.

-Maybe we should take a vote. -No, no vote.

Let's just get our money

and then figure out a more nonlethal, villain-friendly kill switch. Deal?

-Deal. Good compromise. Thank you. -You're welcome.

- Harold, how do you feel? - ...superhero, Captain...

Harold.

...after just defeating the Winter General.

Captain, great to have you on today.

I wanna protect your world, and I wanna give it my all

to show what success looks like.

How'd you do it?

You know, I'm not gonna lie to you, Mike. Uh...

Simply put, I blew him up with my mind powers.

What? He didn't blow him up. If anyone did, it was us.

That's a figure of speech.

Hi, Chet. You doing good? Yeah.

So brave.

Was it brave?

You know, on my planet, we don't have a word for "brave."

But what I can tell you, Mike, is what I did was completely heroic.

Selfless.

-Dang it. -And pretty much really super neat.

- Wow. - "Wow" is right.

Yes, I may have crazy strength and infectious charisma,

but in many ways, I'm a lot like you humans.

I need to replenish my electrolytes.

That's why I drink Justice Juice.

Bring thirst to justice.

Dang, that's catchy.

Hey!

It's our turn, guys. We're up, dudes.

We're still getting paid.

Payment denied.

What? Why?

According to your contract with Mr. The Winter General,

final payment is contingent on, and I quote,

"the successful takeover and/or obliteration of the world."

Which, according to our records...

did not happen.

-Seems fair. -No, that does not seem fair.

It says right there, "pay for work performed."

"Conditional on Addendum 5033, Section D, i.e., world domination."

Did you take over the world?

No.

Can't hear you. Did you take over the world?

No.

Well, payment denied. I suggest you read all of your contracts.

He tricked us with our own trap.

Yeah. I miss him too.

Ma'am, if I may--

-No. -Okay.

Listen, Miss...

Lady, we don't care about the union rules.

This was a year's worth of work. We'll organize a strike.

Then you'll be shot.

Well, maybe not a strike, but a very angry letter.

Question for the lovely lady.