Qwerty

-Hi. -Hi.

You looking for a little Scrabble action?

-You a player? -A little.

We use Scrabble clocks.

Once you've placed all the letters, you hit the timer.

You have 25 minutes.

If you go over, there's a 10 point penalty.

-Per minute. - We use American English only.

If it's not in this book, it's not a word.

Wow!

Tohzah.

T-O-H-Z-A-H.

Tohzah. Tohzah.

T-O-H...

I'm gonna get you, Tohzah.

Not anything backwards. Not Hebrew.

What is Tohzah?

Not Arabic.

You are an enigma!

Are you a tit-man?

Klingon!

This guy in Skokie tried getting

a plate with the F-word written in Klingon.

Hi Katie. It's me.

You coming to my dad's birthday?

Yeah. That's coming up.

It's five weeks away, Zoe.

If you're coming, you need to RSVP

and make definitive plans to be there.

Yeah. Wow. So, what're you gonna get him?

Something nice that he will cherish.

Anyway, how are the kids?

Look. I...I need to go. I'm really busy today.

Okay. Well, say 'hi' to the kids for-

me.

Your safety is important.

If you observe unattended packages,

vandalism, or suspicious activity,

inform C.T.A...

Jesus came to me again, Marty.

Marty!

Jesus came to me again.

Really, Lewis? Wow.

This time he came in the form of a giant rooster.

Rooster, huh?

I asked him why it is he put us on this Earth.

Good question, Lewis!

You know what he said?

Well, you know what he said?

The Jesus-rooster? No clue.

He said he couldn't remember.

He said I should ask him again later.

Ask again later? What? Jesus is a magic 8-ball now?

That sucks.

Well, he's been through a lot.

Hey! Hey you!

Did you know Jesus is a magic 8-ball?

Hey!

-Hey, Mart. -Hey, Bear.

You brought your lunch. That's smart, man.

I never bring my lunch.

And I get all hungry and I gotta spend

$2.50 at the vending machine

for Frito-Lay's.

That's why I'm fat.

Frito-Lay's, man. Whatchoo got?

Sandwich.

What're you both doing here?

You're not both supposed to be here.

Whose shift is it?

Marty, you're not supposed to be here.

I got you down for tomorrow.

-Day shift. 9 a.m. -Seriously?

-Yeah. It's on the calendar! -During the day?

-Yeah. -With people?

-Hey! You wanna switch? -What's the problem?

Come on, man. That's why I make this schedule.

For you to look at, not for my health.

We are live at the N.S.C.

The Nation Scrabble Championship.

And man, things were heating up inside there!

Letters were flying left and right.

Dirk Frankie, you cannot catch a break. Three-time runner up.

My bad. How does it feel to always be

the bridesmaid yet, never the bride?

Oh. Cut the witticisms. That is luck that Williams won.

He's dancing around the two letter words like it's...

December.

And then he just happens to luck out

on saving his Z to the very end.

That's just...That's ridiculous, okay? I got two bingos!

Yes. Can't let those be forgotten. Alright, Dirk.

Are you gonna be giving it another go?

Or has Vanna turned your last letter?

I will spell to the death!

Oo! We've got Bill Williams, this year's winner.

Uh...Best luck to you next time, Dirk.

Bill! Bill! Could you come on over here. Congratulations!

Bill, gotta a couple of questions for you. Wanna find out first,

how did you manage to pull it off?

I don't know. I honestly didn't think

I'd make it out of the quarter-finals.

I was playing a master. I think the stress got to him.

He played "Kim Jong-Il." That's clearly a Star Wars character.

You can't do proper nouns. And I squeaked out.

Uh, made it to the next round,

and the streak kept going. -What?

We've got a lot of folks who are watching at home.

You need arms.

Possibly some kids who are thinking about

giving Scrabble tournament play a try.

Any advice for the youngsters?

Yeah, I guess I would say...Um Go for it! Follow your dreams.

You know. There- there's a lot to be learned

from the Scrabble board.

Uh, character. You know. Courage.

Stuff like that and uh...and so...

Just, you know, do it. And, and um...

regardless of what your friends call you.

Rookie mistake, Ethel.

This is why I beat you week after week... after week.

My name's Nancy

Not today, it's not. Today, your name is...

Loser.

-Ew.

Excuse me?

You didn't even do it right.

Backwards! You did it backwards.

I'm leaving. Okay, Ethel?

Don't be late next week.

-Are you waiting for a game? -No, thank you.

Marty, you're filling in for Dean today.

Menswear, second floor.

Did you wash your hair this morning?

Wear this. You look like shit.

Excuse me. Could you tell me where I could find

lady's foundations?

Excuse me. If you were my dad, well, my step-dad,

what would you like? The flask or the belt?

His 60th birthday, so I guess it's kind of a biggie.

Um...

Oh, never mind. You're not an asshole. How would you know?

-Have you tried Fetish for Men? -No, thank you.

-It's scent-sational! -I'm allergic to perfume!

Oh no. It's cologne.

Hey! What? Are you just gonna stand there?

That's great, buddy. Lot of help.

- Maybe it's a sock. - I'm hoping it's not.

-I think he had a bikini wax. -Y-you you gotta be kidding.

We think it's a sock.

Fifty-five dollars! How can this be happening?!

-Fifty-five dollars for underwear?

Sure. - It's designer.

-No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This! This! Definitely that... is insanity people!

What? You! What're you doing?

-Um, buying underwear. -No

-You don't want this. -Yes, I do!

No, no, no, no, no. Why do you want them?

I- I like the ad!

The ad is designed to trick you

into paying 55 goddamn dollars for underwear!

Please, give me my underwear.

No! You can't have that lying, cheating, thieving underwear!

What're you... What're you doing, man?

You're better than the underwear.

You deserve more!

You're better than your underwear.

Do you hear me? Come on! Everyone!

Say it with me! You're better than your underwear.

Come on! Say it with me!

Come on! You're better than your underwear! Come on!

Everybody!

You're better than your underwear!

You're better than your underwear! Come on!

I'm better than my underwear.

Yes! Yes! You, sneezing lady!

Definitely better than your underwear. Wait!

Wait a minute! Goddammit, I work here!

Where's the sneezing woman?

Come on guys! Come on. This is ridiculous!

Come on! I work here nights!

Causing a scene like that in front of paying customers!

Freedom of speech, man.

Who's in charge here?

Uh, is there something I can help you with, miss?

- I demand you release this man! - - : Excuse me?

I'm a paying customer. I bought all kinds of crap here today...

and this man... -I saved her life.

-Mm-hmm. When I... when I was... -Having trouble breathing!

-B-because of all the...cologne! -Perfume!

-Evil perfume bitch! -She sprayed me.

Right in her face!

-And I'm allergic and I kept sneezing.

-Cologne and perfume are the same thing!

-It was horrible! -She could sue.

But this man, he was the only one to help me.

-Miss, he tried to cause a riot in men's underwear.

I should have him arrested.

-What!? -$55 for underwear?