Baby Daddy

So, you're probably all wondering

why I called this family meeting.

You have no respect for other people's time

and you like to hear yourself talk?

True, but not why I'm here.

I need to talk to you about the wedding,

and, more importantly, about Brad.

Yes! Okay! Who had them breaking up Wednesday night at 9:00?

- I said Tuesday! - I always say go the distance.

Tomorrow!

Wait, wait, wait, hold on!

Did you actually bet on Brad and I breaking up

and calling off the wedding?

I mean, you guys are a little on-again off-again.

On, off. On, off, on, off.

I could keep going, but you get it.

I am not breaking up with Brad.

This is exactly what I wanted

to talk to you heartless pack of delinquents about.

Brad and I are getting married.

He's about to become your father,

and I want you to start treating him like one.

- You want us to hit him up for money? - Oh my God.

You know, you're right, mom.

We're sorry. We're being insensitive.

Thank you, Benji.

And if you could learn to say "you're right, mom" more often,

we could have a lot fewer family meetings.

And we're gonna try to be a lot more supportive and respectful.

Thank you.

Okay, who wants to change their bets?

- It's wide open here. - (Both talking)

You know what I what I love mot mom and Brad getting married?

He's ten years younger so we're off the hook

for taking care of her when she gets old?

No, it's that they found each other.

They're obviously meant to be.

Meant to be? Pfft.

That's not even a real thing.

If it was, Riley and I would be together

'cause no one is more meant to be than we are.

Dude, seriously, let it go.

You broke up, twice.

I think the only thing you're meant to be is over.

Tucker agrees with me, right?

Oh, that we're sick of you talking about Riley?

Oh, totally.

Thank you.

And what's with the suitcase?

Oh. You know, that time of year again.

TV convention in Detroit.

Worst weekend ever.

And that includes the weekend I went discount sky-diving.

"Pull the cord!" What cord?

You know?

Hey, Corrie.

You got everything set up?

Awesome.

This is gonna be the best weekend ever.

Hey, Ben.

Danny! Just the man I was looking for.

I would like for you to be my best man.

Your best man? I'm so honored!

Well, you've been such a great friend and so supportive

of my relationship with your mother,

I thought that you'd be the perfect choice.

Plus mom tried to sleep with your dad

then made out with your brother,

so they're probably off the list.

Yeah, that's too.

But, your first official duty is to throw me

a wild, crazy, somewhat filthy,

last-night-as-a-single-man bachelor party!

But dignified. (Clears throat)

And secret.

Oh! I'm in!

And I'm single again,

so a night out with the boys is perfect.

No stupid girls to distract us.

I think you're kind of missing the point of this party.

I'll work with him.

So what's the big news?

Oh, it's about the wedding,

and I think you'll be very happy.

I'm bumping you up to maid of honor.

My sister just crapped out.

Really? You can have my sister if you want.

An even duller version of you?

Yeah. No, thanks.

And the first order of business

as my maid of honor is to throw me

a wild, crazy, somewhat filthy,

last-night-as-a-single-woman bachelorette party.

But dignified and secret.

Hello, ladies.

Mom, guess what.

Brad just made me his best man.

Isn't that awesome?

And your mom just made me her maid of honor.

Wow. What a day.

And I get to plan the bachelor party.

It's gonna be epic.

I don't think I was supposed to tell you that.

What?

No!

No, no, no, no!

Do you have any idea what kind of trouble

Brad will get into with these boys in charge?

But, Mrs. Wheeler, you just asked me...

Riley, when we do it, it's fun and silly.

When they do it, it's perverted.

Gosh, I'll bet they'll have strippers.

Brad has a very hard time saying no to women who take their clothes off.

Don't ask me how I know.

Ben. Ben, come here.

I just figured out what you can get me for a wedding present.

I wasn't going to get you a wedding present.

Well, you are now.

You need to make sure that Brad's bachelor party is dull and boring.

Meaning no drinking, no hookers, no lap dances.

Why would I do that?

Seems like the only person that hurts is me.

Because I'm your mother and I asked you to.

Besides, Ben, I just...

I just really want to start this relationship out right.

It's not easy finding love again at my age.

I just wish you could be a little more supportive.

Mom! Mom, calm down! Okay, I'm sorry.

I got it. I'll take care of it, I promise.

And people think Danny's the gullible one.

So I'm thinking, if we use the bar,

we can cut down on cost and get more strippers.

More strippers?

No strippers. We can't do strippers.

What's wrong with strippers?

Well, for one thing, everyone of those sweet,

nearly-naked, pole-dancing girls

is someone's daughter.

Oh. You're right.

Never really thought about where strippers come from.

Guys, look, I'm sorry I gotta miss the bachelor party,

but I'm off to Detroit.

Hey, if you don't hear from me in three days

just call the police.

I've been bored to death.

Okay, have fun.

Oh, wait!

I think Tucker forgot his itinerary in the printer.

Oh! I'll catch him.

Wait.

One round-trip ticket to Las Vegas

and a suite on the strip?

Tucker's going to Vegas?

He lied?

What's in Vegas?

Women, gambling and liquor.

The perfect ingredients for an amazing bachelor party.

- But you just said... - I know. Hold on.

I'm having an argument with my conscience.

And he's down!

Danny, that's what we're doing for Brad's party!

We're going to Vegas!

Emma, we're going to Vegas! Come on!

I managed to convince Danny to book some cabin-y, woodsy,

middle of nowhere-y something or other.

Honestly, it was so dull,

I nodded off halfway through the description.

You are a good son.

No phone, no cell, no Internet.

So no point in even trying to call us to check on our story.

Now, see you guys in a couple days,

you know, if I haven't died from boredom.

God, sounds horrible.

I'm actually starting to feel sorry for Brad.

Okay, that passed.

So what do you have planned for us?

Okay. So, how do you feel

about a tea party at the central park boathouse?

Oh!

A tea party at a boathouse?

What am I, five? God, try again!

Hey, did Ben already leave for Vegas?

Vegas?

They went to Vegas?

Now that I say it out loud, I think it was a secret.

Those rotten, scheming little liars!

I'm gonna put a stop to this.

Good luck, they're just gonna deny it.

You know what? Good idea, Riley.

We need to catch them in the act.

Yeah, yeah, uh-huh. We are going to Vegas!

No, no, no, no. No, not quite what I meant!

Yeah! We're going to Vegas!

Mrs. Wheeler, no!

Smell that?

Old smoke, dirty money, and recycled air.

God, I love Vegas!

Well, before anybody does anything they regret,

and trust me, I will,

I need to drop Emma off at the Hotel Sitter.