My Life Is Murder

A tradesperson?

Yeah, I'm definitely interested in hiring a tradesman.

Tell me, would you say that you're more of an electrician or a plumber?

I'm pretty versatile.

Well, surely you specialise.

I trained as a carpenter. Worked as a chippie back in the day.

Hey, you don't think you could fix my Loobenschwegen?

Your... your what, sorry?

An industrial bread processor. Mine's malfunctioning.

I could certainly give it a try...

...if that would bring you pleasure.

It would.

Seriously, though, we should meet.

I can tailor an intimate experience especially for you.

The boyfriend experience.

Does that mean we fight over the TV remote?

Well, if that's what turns you on.

But I think we can set the bar a bit higher than that.

I guarantee you, Alexa,

this will be better than any boyfriend you've ever had.

Well, that sounds fabulous.

And expensive!

Oh, it'll be worth it.

I promise.

Well, I have had a hard week.

_

And zis ve do wis absolute precision.

Like that.

OK, here we go. And...

Bugger!

European technology, huh?

Oh, I know you're across all that.

Oh, hello.

_

- Hmm. - _

Look, make yourself useful, would you? Read the manual.

It's in German. Then go home, wherever that is.

Coffee? You said coffee.

Yeah, I've ordered. Hear me out.

I need you to help me with something.

Jennifer Chi, 41.

Fell from her apartment building in Docklands.

I'm retired, Kieran. You were in the room when I did it.

She went over a balcony on the 19th floor.

"Think of the police pension," you said.

56 kilos.

It took her about 2.5 seconds to get to the ground.

Hit the pavement at about 70km/h.

- How many storeys? - 19.

3.5 seconds. But you know numbers don't impress me.

I'm sorry, I'm out.

Coroner said it was an accident.

Not enough evidence to prove otherwise.

So did she jump or was she pushed, is that the question?

Nearest witness was a jogger.

A phone hit the concrete in front of her.

She heard a scream.

She don't ever forget it.

The apartment belongs to a male escort.

Dylan Giroux.

Jennifer Chi was a client.

OK. It doesn't make him a killer.

She gave him a lot of money in the month before she died.

I believe that is the general principle

when paying for a service, Kieran.

Giroux says he wasn't in the apartment at the time.

Went downstairs to get wine.

And does that check out?

Security cameras malfunctioned.

So you reckon he pushed her off a balcony, raced down,

and acted like he was there all the time?

It's possible. Technically.

Career woman, owned a couple of businesses.

Single, no kids.

Liked margaritas, Crowded House, and watching Roger Federer.

"To the living we owe respect. To the dead, the truth."

Someone really famous said that.

I thought it was you.

Nice try. No banana.

You're still the best investigator I know, Alexa.

You're shit at retirement. You don't play golf.

I bake bread.

I bet you're getting sick of that by now.

No, I love it.

Take the file.

Read the case notes.

Read the coroner's brief.

Fresh eyes, objective appraisal.

If we've missed something, anything, let me know.

I'm a very busy woman, Kieran.

Jennifer Chi deserved a better outcome.

I've got a data analyst for you.

- Are you deaf? - Madison.

Madison's a kid.

She's a very smart kid. She worships you.

Call her. Anyway, I've gotta go. Enjoy your coffee.

Ay-ay-ay-ay.

Crowded House?

- I like Crowded House. - I know.

Oh, thank you very much.

Madison, you're up to your eyeballs.

Oh, sorry?

It just sounds like you're overwhelmed by your workload.

- You don't need me piling more on. - No, no, no, no.

I can do this job easy, in my sleep.

Yeah, I'd rather that you stayed awake during my stuff.

And I don't want to be bounced to the bottom of the pile.

I'm really glad you called.

Look, can I just say what a privilege...

No, don't do that.

I want you to look for offshore accounts,

Cook Islands, shell companies,

anywhere that Dylan Giroux might have stashed money.

Get off. Sniper!

Are you gaming?

Oh, I'm sorry. I was outsniped.

Out what?

It's an online auction. I was outbid.

I'm sorry, Alexa. I can explain.

An online auction, seriously?

- That's what I'm competing with? - No, you're not.

I was bidding on the Schmilford.

It's the, uh, Rolls Royce of portable vacuum cleaners.

Oh, my God, you said that out loud.

But I want one so bad.

Badly.

Please, just let me make it up to you, OK?

So this Dylan guy, have you looked at his website?

- He's a male escort. - I'm aware.

How's his body?

And why are there no pictures of his face?

I don't know. Maybe he just wants some privacy.

So you're going undercover?

Oh, my God. Are you gonna have sex with him?

Excuse me, Madison, this is work.

Holy shit, that's a yes!

Well, I'm sure he's just my type.

Oh, I bet he wants to be an actor and he has mother issues

and he's a narcissist.

It's fun to judge.

Hey, make sure you meet him in public. He might be weird.

This from someone who's hot for a vacuum cleaner?

Oh.

Oh. Do you have a cat?

Could you just focus on the financials, please?

Save those dirty pics for later.

Come on, I want to find out where Dylan's hidden the money.

I'm already onto it.

I've downloaded his accounts and his financial records.

Ooh.

Hey, you don't think you could fix my Loobenschwegen?

Your... your what, sorry?

An industrial bread processor. Mine's malfunctioning.

I could certainly give it a try...

...if that would bring you pleasure.

It would.

Seriously, though, we should meet.

I can tailor an intimate experience especially for you.

The boyfriend experience.

I love the smell of fresh bread first thing.

White or multigrain?

You have really nice eyes.

You say that to all the girls, don't you?

Not all of them. Try to mix it up a bit.

- Yeah. - But if it's true, why not say it?

How did a nice boy like you end up in escort work?

Nah, we don't want to talk about work on a beautiful day.

I'm curious.

Normal childhood, grew up in Melbourne, happy, loving parents.

Worked as a tradie.

So you just fell into sex work?

I did my first gig kind of as a dare to myself.

And I had fun.

I mean, it feels pretty wild getting paid to have sex

just to make people happy.

So I thought, "OK, I'll give it one month."

Three years later, I own my apartment.

What's your story?

I was a civil servant, of sorts,

and then I came into some money by way of an inheritance

and I just didn't need to work anymore.

So I stopped.

- You bake bread instead. - Uh-huh.

Would you like to see my place?

Top up?

Yeah, thanks.

It's quite a way down, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, I love this view.

- It must be amazing at sunset. - Yeah.

It's not sunset over the ocean, but still, it's amazing.

Ooh!

I don't think you're meant to look straight down, Alexa.

I don't think I'm all that good at heights.

- It's OK. - Mm.

I got you.

You have wonderful hands.

Should we take this inside?

To the bedroom?

The thing is, Dylan...