In Living Color

Now available for the first time...

the quintessential man of the cloth, Jimmy Swaggart...

sings like you've never heard him before.

LetJimmy and the Angels of Mercy Singers touch your heart with gospel classics.

When he sings some ofhis nasty favorites...

like 2 Live Crew.

That's Jimmy Swaggart's Heaven or Hell...

only 19.95, 22.95 for CD.

Order now.

WriteJimmy Swaggart, Heaven or Hell...

Box 666-666, Tulsa.

- How you livin'? - What?

- How you livin'? - What?

So, as you can see, Your Honor, my clients are completely innocent.

It's an open-and-shut case.

Before the jury deliberates, are there any further witnesses?

Yes, Your Honor. There is one more witness we'd like to call to the stand.

Miss Benita Butrell.

Hey! How y'all doin'?

Y'all ain't got nothin' to worry about...

because Miss Benita is not in the habit of airin' nobody's dirty laundry.

Unless, of course, it's the bailiff s laundry.

Mm-hmm. Talk about dirty.

He got stains in his drawers big enough to land a plane on.

Would Miss Butrell just take the stand?

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you, God?

I'd eat cold cut sandwiches made out of my own tongue...

before I'd sit up here and tell a lie.

Oh, looky there!

There goes Gretchen.! Hey, girl.! How you doin'?

You're looking good! Oh, girl, I'm scared of you!

You ought to be scared, too, with a convicted felon serving on the jury.

I can tell she hittin' that crack pipe again too.

Done got so skinny, look like she could hang glide on a Dorito.

Uh, Bailiff, get me a jury alternate.

Now, Miss Butrell...

on the night of the 24th, the cash box from the project raffle was broken into...

and over $2,000 was stolen.

Where were you on that night?

I was up on the rooftop sellin' pumpkin seeds and tampons.

Tryin' to better myself, honey, because unlike these other project bunnies...

Miss Benita's gonna have something. Mm-hmm. That's right.

That's why I'm enrolled in the Howell School of Zippo Recycling and Sewage Removal.

That's enough!

Miss Butrell, do you see the defendant in this courtroom?

- Mm-hmm. - Would you mind pointing him out to us, please?

There you go. Right there... Suede.

Hey, Suede.! How you doin'?

Yeah, they chose Suede over me to be the raffle treasurer.

It's a good thing, too, because you ain't gonna find nobody better with numbers.

Especially when he's runnin' 'em. Mm-hmm.

That damn jackass lost his parents in a crap game.

Don't get too close to that sneaky weasel 'cause he'll steal the enamel off your tooth.

I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard it from me.

Wasn't there someone guarding the cash box that night?

Mm-hmm! Leo!

Le-le-le, le-le-le, le-le-le... Leo!

I'm so proud of you!

You guarded that cash box like a virgin on prom night!

Then gave it up like a ho at a bachelor's party.

Objection! Objection, Your Honor.

Can't she just answer the question? This is getting ugly.

Ooh, he's one to talk. Talk about ugly.

Look like somebody hit him upside the head with a bag of nickels.

So ugly, last time he went to the proctologist...

the doctor stuck his finger down his throat.

Order in this court!

Do you have reason to believe there was involvement from the chairman of the committee...

Miss Jenkins?

Bailiff, some smelling salts, please!

No, no, no! Not Miss Jenkins! Not Miss Jenkins!

Honey, don't nobody better say nothin' bad about Miss Jenkins!

I'm gonna walk through hell in a gasoline G-string...

before I say somethin' bad about Miss Jenkins!

Lord, she's like a mother to me. Afine woman.

Fine woman.! There's nothin'dirty about her.!

Just don't go near her house.

House so dusty, the roaches ride around in dune buggies.

That is enough.! Don't make me pound this gavel again.!

Hmm, that ain't all she poundin'.

I object!

You didn't object when she took off her robe, went through your briefs...

and laid down the law.

I find you in contempt of court.!

Uh-huh. And I found you doin' the humpty dance with 12 men in the bathroom.

Get her out of here! This is a mistrial!

Lock the door! Get a straitjacket!

I know I'm supposed to cut an album.

You don't think I know that? I've been writing songs.

I write 10 songs a night.

But when I sober up, they sound like nonsense.

Words on a page!

I need someone who can really teach me the blues.

Bingo! I think I just found what I've been looking for.

Thank you very much.!

All right. It sure is good to be here.

- Am I glad I found you. - Well, my name is Calhoun Tubbs.

- Now, ain't you th-th-the boy from... - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Listen. Look, I really need your help, okay? - Uh-huh.

I gotta cut a blues album with all kinds of blues songs...

and I don't know anything about the blues!

N-N-N-N-N-Now, that ain't true, boy, 'cause everybody knows something about the blues.

Not me. Look, I got money, women.

- Where's the blues in all that? - Uh-huh.

- But you... you're the real deal. - Well, thank you.

I bet you came from one of them backwood shacks back in Mississippi.

Now, actually, I'm from Baltimore. Mm-hmm.

I ain't never been out in no woods...

Well, I did go to the wood one time, but we were just camping.

- So I don't really know. - Get off it.

- I really... - I got money. I can pay you for your life experiences.

Well, now, I did say I was from Baltimore, Mississippi. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Wrote a song about it. Like to hear it? Here it go.

- That's great, man! - Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.

That is great. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

I need more of that.

I'll bet you were a junkie of some kind, and then you O.D.'d...

and you puked right out, and then you choked on it.

- Well, no. No. - On your own vomit.

I ain't never t-took no pills.

Only pill I done took was a Bufferin, man. I don't do...

Get off it.

I know all about the drugs. I'm high right now. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

Wrote a song about it. Like to hear it? Here it goes.

- All right. - You are blowing my mind, man!

- Well, thank you. All right, now. - Oh, yes.

You tapped into a great life, stuff... that whole blues thing.

But I can't. I can't tap into it!

Now, sure, you can, boy. Everybody got some blues in them somewhere.

You just got to know where to look. Mm-hmm.

- Where? - Try your face, junior.

Mm-hmm. Look here. That's enough to give me the blues right now.

I ain't write no song about that, but I think I could right now.