American Dad!

[ tennessee ernie ford's "shenandoah" playing ]

Stan, don't! It's me -- principal lewis!

Where's my family?!

I don't know where they are.

I swear! To the old gods and the new!

Fire's a bad idea.

Relax, stan.

There's two of us, and it's nice and warm.

Your clothes are soaked through.

You need to dry 'em out.

Ooh, sexy.

If you weren't here with your family, where were you?

You know, when the blast happened?

On a mission. South america.

that's a long walk.

You run into the two hundred out there?

I hear they're brutal.

No, but i've seen what they've done.

Cool. Hey, you, uh, seems like a lot of people

Are doing that thing where they eat other people.

i mean, isn't that wild?

But also maybe understandable, hmm?

You, uh, done any of that?

Nope.

me neither!

You passed my test!

Now i feel like i can relax.

Look out!

I thought i saw a murderous road bandit,

But it was just a moth.

So tell me, what's your feeling about tattoos?

They should be covered in the workplace.

Come on, stan!

And what's with that huge-ass hummingbird?

It's a falcon.

It was the end of fishing season.

And the sun.

I can remember how warm it felt on my face.

Aah! My face is so hot!

Why don't you wear a hat?

Great idea, hayley.

Maybe don't look directly at the sun.

Oh, you'd just love for me to miss another eclipse.

Why did you want to come on this trip so bad again?

Yeah, don't you have, like, a moral objection

To fishing or something?

Oh, my god, can i stop myself?

This is nice.

You know, i asked to come along

Because, well, it's actually pretty rare that we --

Talk quieter. You're scaring the fish.

It's just rare that -- quieter.

It's so rare -- too quiet!

It sounds like you're conspiring against the fish.

You're making them paranoid!

I was saying we never spend any time together!

Well, they're definitely gone now!

First you eat all my drivin' pickles on the way up,

And now this!

Wasn't there some sort of protest you could have gone to

Instead of ruining my fishing trip?!

A protest?

How 'bout i do a protest right here?

Live free!

Whoa. Well, you live free!

This one, though, definitely lives free.

...Considered overbudget.

Still, the lql insists that langley falls'

Very own hadron collider will meet its opening deadline.

Shut up, klaus!

All she wanted was to spend a little time together.

I was a fool.

So you got the tattoo...

As penance.

And a reminder of what i'd try to do differently,

If i'm ever lucky enough to see my family again.

Fire's dying down.

All this talk of fish.

I never touched the stuff before the blast,

But now i'd kill for one.

Man, i'd eat those worms if they were here right now.

It's amazing the things you'll eat...

If you get hungry enough.

I'm not a killer, stan.

I just want a slice.

Hyah!

Did i get ya?

Ya gotta say something if i gotcha!

Them's apocalypse rules!

Stan, i thought that was you!

Aah! Quiet, greg!

I was looking out my basement window...

Shh. ...And i said to myself,

'cause that's who i talk to these days. You have to stop talking.

I said, "i think that's stan smith." please shut up!

I didn't think i'd ever see you again

After your family left. Be quiet!

You have a lot of tattoos. Wait, what? Do you know where my family went?

Oh, yeah. But we shouldn't talk out in the open

Because principal lewis has been prowling around,

And you would not believe what he's been getting up to.

All i wanted was a taste!

We're cool now! So be cool!

I can't look. Did he get me?

Last i saw francine and the kids,

They were leaving for the new haven.

In connecticut? No.

The new haven is a safe zone a hundred miles west of here.

If they were in new haven, connecticut,

They'd be dead already... Of boredom!

J.K. I've never been there.

I just think it's more important now than ever

To try to laugh.

What's this tattoo here? Looks like a doily.

I don't want to talk about it.

Okay. I'm feeling pretty weak.

Maybe i'll just sleep a little.

It was a particularly warm june.

I can still recall the light, sweet smell of jasmine

That lingered in the summer air.

It's a thousand degrees!

I'm sweating like a razorback hog!

It's really cool that you want to do this with me, dad.

Why can't i stretch again? It's no good.

You gotta keep those muscles tight and ready.

Don't let the tendons get all loosey-goosey

Like some spaghetti man.

Sons and fathers, on your marks!

All right, steve, as you know, first prize

Is a refurbished hamilton beach panini press.

With a little ciabatta and a little gabagool,

I'll be mangia-ing my way straight to mama-mia-ville.

Speed it up!

Aah! I think i sprained my ankle!

It's just a twist!

There was a rusty nail in one of the tires,

And now my jaw feels like it's locking up!

It's just tetanus!

I'm really having a hard time

Putting weight on this foot!

I don't think i can go on!

And i don't think i can go another day

Eating sandwiches that make my mouth cold!

Now, pick it up!

Aah!

Oh, god, look at him flat on the ground,

Like a pressed hot sandwich.

But why is the tattoo a doily?

His leg was broken.

He spent the whole summer laid up on the couch,

Learning to knit.

He made doilies,

Each one finer and lacier than the last.

It was a nightmare.

If i'd just carried him, like i'm carrying you now...

Oh, cute, a rabbit.

Oh, cute, a dinner.

Damn. I thought it'd be somethin' bigger.

Or someone.

Run for your lives!

Is -- is it the --

It's the two hundred! They're coming!

Go! Go! Get out of here!

get out of here!

Stan, before the two hundred kills us,

I want to tell you

That you were often an inconsiderate neighbor.

it's the two hundred!

Clear out y'all!

You'll run faster without your stu-uff.

Roger!

We have to get moving! The two hundred are coming.

Oh, no, there's no two hundred.

Made 'em up. I just walk around,

Do a creepy "waah waah, the two hundred are coming!"

They scatter. I get the stuff.

It's mostly tin plates, lot of spoons.

I have so many spoons now, i'm like the little mermaid.

Oh, my god, stan! How are you?

And what's this on the back?

It's a greg. Oh, right.

Greg, you remember my... Uncle roger?

Stan, no. That's all done now.

We live in a changed world.

There's no need for characters.

I'm just a man in rags.

Whose name is clifton. Hi, clifton!

We're heading to the new haven to find francine and the kids.

Ooh! I haven't seen them in ages!

Not since the blast.

I'm coming with -- wait, is steve gonna be there?

I pray to god that he is.

Guh. I still owe him 60 bucks.

But, like, he's not gonna care about that anymore, right?

And maybe he's dead! I am coming with you.

I mean, sure, i could pay steve back in spoons,

But nowadays one spoon is worth more than $60.

How would he even give me change?

What, like a tiny little spoon?

Oh, my god, that sounds amazing!