The Cat in the Hat

There are gajillions of stories of mischief and fun,

but to keep things simple, let's start with just one

about a mom and two kids and a house and a hat

that, oddly enough, was worn by a cat.

But soon enough we will get to all that.

In the valley that stretches from this hill to that hill,

a city is nestled.

That city is Anville.

Hurry up! We'll miss the movie!

Any more tutti-frutti?

I'll check. Thanks!

It's a town that's not huge, but quite big enough

for buyers and sellers to sell and buy stuff,

from shoes and shirts and elongated ladders

to sailboats and gibble-grated berry-juice bladders.

So our story begins at the corner of Main and Montroob

in the spotless real estate office

run by Hank Humberfloob.

Humberfloob Real Estate.

How can we make your dreams come true?

What do you mean, you're leaving?

You're a babysitter.

Babysitters don't leave. They sit.

Baby-leavers leave.

I'm sorry. I really gotta go, Miss Walden.

Well, I need to come home right away.

I forgot.

All right. Thank you, Amy.

Sorry.

Attention, everyone. It's 9:02.

Staff meeting. Staff meeting.

First I'd like to welcome aboard

our newest member of the Humberfloob family,

Jim McFlinnagan!

Mr. Humberfloob, I wanted to thank you...

Fired. I beg your pardon?

Fired.

But I...

Fired!

As you know, tonight is our bimonthly Meet & Greet party.

Tonight's host is Joan Walden.

This is where people can meet our real estate agents

in an informal, yet hygienic setting.

Mr. Humberfloob, I have to get home to my kids.

Ah, yes.

Your children.

Joan, let me make this perfectly clear.

If your house is as messy as last time,

you're fired!

That's pretty clear, Mr. Humberfloob.

Don't worry. I promise,

my kids'll be on their best behavior.

Great.

Humberfloob Real Estate.

How can we make your dreams come true?

Please hold.

If you leave Humberfloob's and turn left onto Main,

three miles down you'll find Lipplapper Lane,

a pleasant-enough street in a pleasant-enough way

where a neighbor greeted neighbor with a neighborly "Hey!"

Hey! MAN: Hey!

Here the hedges were hedged, the weeds were all weeded,

and lawns were mowed daily, twice daily if needed.

And at the end of this street, in a house like any other,

something magical would happen to a sister and her brother.

Nevins, stealth mode.

Today's to-do list.

Number one: Make to-do list.

Number two: Practice coloring.

Number three: Research graduate schools.

Number four: Be spontaneous.

Number five: Create lasting childhood memories.

And number six: Amend will.

What is he doing?

Number 10: Make tomorrow's to-do list.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Nevins, your attention, please.

You are about to witness the third most spectacular stunt

ever performed under this roof!

Do you know how hard it's getting

to tell people that we're related?

Relax. I'll put everything back.

And now, for the indoor stair luge!

Indoor stair luge?

I'll have to add this one to my list.

Go have no fun somewhere else.

It is showtime!

Whoa!

Oh, my word!

Nevins!

Nevins, come back!

Hey, Mom. What's up?

You are so lucky you didn't ruin this dress.

Mom, I know you're angry, but there's something you need to know.

This was all Sally's fault.

Oh, really?

And how, exactly, was it Sally's fault?

Give me a minute. I'm working on it.

Save it, Conrad.

Why today? Why did you have to pick today to destroy the house?

You know what's happening today.

I tried to tell him, Mom.

"Mom's throwing a very important party," I said.

"All of her important clients will be here."

But he went right ahead and wrecked the house,

and let Nevins get away.

Now, again, I hope you're going to ground him.

Yes, Sally, for a week,

but that's none of your business.

A week? Come on. Two days.

I asked you to do one thing today, Conrad, keep the house clean.

Do you know how frustrating it is

that you're always doing the exact opposite of what I say?

Knock, knock, knock.

Someone lose a dog?

I found him next door in my yard, again.

You are a saint.

And here I thought you were only dating me for my good looks.

Lucky us. Larry Quinn is here.

Hey-a, sport. Call me Lawrence. Okay?

You rescued Nevins. Thanks, Lawrence.

It was my pleasure, Sally.

Anything for my little princess.

Oh, I don't wanna be a princess.

In a constitutional monarchy,

parliament has all the real power.

I see. Okay, that's great.

Look, pal, be a sport.

Why don't you go tidy up the living room.

Okay, dude?

I don't have to listen to you, Larry.

Conrad, do what Lawrence says.

Have you given some thought about the Wilhelm Academy?

You mean the Colonel Wilhelm Military Academy for Troubled Youth?

That's the one, Joan.

I'm not sure it's right for Conrad.

Oh, Joan, Joan.

Joan, Joan, Joan.

I have so much respect for you, Joan.

Single mother, career woman, raising two children on your own,

and still finding time to be the best darned real estate agent in town.

I know how hard it is, Joan.

It is hard.

Oh, I know.

And I know how hard you're trying.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime proposition,

and you must act now.

The Colonel Wilhelm Military Academy for Troubled Youth

is what we call in the sales game a win-win scenario.

A top-flight military school,

and it's only eight hours away.

Oh, the phone.

I heard what you said.

I'm not going to military school, Larry.

Look, buddy,

I know I'm not your dad,

and this is probably really strange for you,

your neighbor's dating your mom.

But here's the thing, son. Come here.

I don't like you, either.

But I'm gonna marry your mom.

And if it was up to me, you'd be at military school today.

I'm not going to military school.

I think you're gonna love it.

It's just like summer camp, except with brutal forced marches

and soul-crushing discipline.

And one more thing, it's Lawrence,

you snot-nosed son of a wonderful woman

who I'm absolutely crazy about!

Gosh, I love children!

Oh, Joan, I didn't see you there.

Would you be a doll and help me

bring up chairs from the basement?

Nothing would give me more pleasure, Joan, but I do have to run.

I have a very important sales conference downtown.

Oh. Okay.

Well, I'll see you at the party tonight.

Sure.

Mom, that guy's a total phony.

You can't let Larry...

It's Lawrence, Conrad.

Kate's Catering. I'm here to do your party tonight.

Oh, hi. Where's Kate?

I'm Kate.

Oh. Okay.

Right this way, Kate.

Quiet!

Two weeks ago you said you would...

I "specialed" it. See?

Quiet! Nevins!

I said quiet!

Joan Walden Real Estate.

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like Joan.

This is Mr. Humberfloob.

Oh, hi, Mr. Humberfloob.

Joan, I need you to come back to the office.

Today? Yes, Joan.

No problem?

No problem at all.

Great!