Doctor Who

Solar flare activity has increased across space lanes 556

and all commercial flights are advised. . .

So, it's 200, 000, it's a spaceship. . . No, wait a minute, space STATION.

And, er. . .

Go try that gate over there!

200,000? 200,000. Adam! Out you come.

Oh, my God. . . Don't worry, you'll get used to it.

Where are we? Good question.

Let's see.

So, erm, judging by the architecture, I'd say we're around the year 200,000.

And if you listen. . .

Engines.

We're on some sort of space station.

Yeah, definitely a space station.

It's a bit warm in here, they could turn the heating down.

Tell you what, let's try that gate. Come on.

Here we go.

And this is. . .

I'll let the Doctor describe it.

The Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire. And there it is.

Planet Earth, at its height.

Covered with mega-cities, five moons, population 96 billion,

the hub of a galactic domain stretching across a million planets,

a million species, with mankind right in the middle.

He's your boyfriend.

Not any more.

Come on, Adam, open your mind. You'll like this.

Fantastic period of history, the human race at its most intelligent.

Culture! Art! Politics!

This era has got fine food, good manners, the works. . . Out the way!

Somebody there? What do you want, love? Keep it moving.

I'll be with you lot in a minute. One at a time!

Now what was it? Kronkburger with cheese, kronkburger with pajatos.

Oi! You, mate! stop pushing.

Get back! I said back!

Fine cuisine? My watch must be wrong.

No, it's fine. That's weird.

That's showing off. Your history's not that good.

My history is perfect. Obviously not.

They're all human. What about the millions of planets, the millions of species?

Good question. That IS a good question.

Adam, me old mate, you must be starving!

No, I'm just a bit timesick.

You just need grub. How much is a kronkburger?

Two credits twenty, sweetheart. Now join the queue!

Money! We need money.

Let's use a cashpoint.

There you go, pocket money. Don't spend it all on sweets.

Well, how does it work?

Go and find out, stop nagging me!

The thing is, Adam, time travel's like visiting Paris.

You can't just read the guidebook.

You've got to eat the food, get charged double and kiss complete strangers.

Or is that just me?

Stop asking questions, go and do it!

Off you go then. Your first date.

You're gonna get a smack, you are!

Erm, this is gonna sound daft, but can you tell me where I am?

Floor 139.

Could they write it any bigger? Floor 139 of what?

Must've been a hell of a party. You're on Satellite Five. And what's Satellite Five?

How could you get on board without knowing where you are? I'm stupid!

Hold on, wait a minute. . . Are you a test?

Some sort of management test kind of thing? You've got me!

Well done! You're too clever for me.

We were warned about this in basic training.

All workers have to be versed in company promotion.

Right, fire away, ask your questions.

If it gets me to Floor 500, I'll do anything.

What happens on Floor 500?

The walls are made of gold!

And you should know, Mr Management.

So. . .this is what we do.

Latest news! Sandstorms on the New Venus Archipelago, 200 dead.

Glasgow water riots into their third day.

Spacelane 77 closed by sunspot activity.

Over on the Bad Wolf channel, The Face of Boe has just announced he's pregnant.

I get it. You broadcast the news.

We ARE the news.

We're the journalists.

We write it, package it and sell it.

600 channels, all coming out of Satellite Five, broadcasting everywhere.

Something. . .

is wrong.

Something fictional.

Those people.

Nothing happens in the Empire without it going through us.

Security check.

Go deep.

'Staff are reminded that the canteen area now operates a self-cleaning table system. Thank you.'

Try this, it's called zaffic. It's nice, like, erm, a Slush Puppy.

What flavour?

It's sort of beef.

Oh, my God!

It's like everything's gone.

Home, family. . .

Everything.

This helps. The Doctor gave it a bit of a top-up.

Who's back home, your mum and dad?

Yeah.

Phone 'em up.

But that's 198, 000 years ago.

Honestly, try it. Go on.

Is there a code for planet Earth? Just dial!

'I'm sorry, we're not in. Please leave a message. Thanks, bye!'

Erm. . .hi!

It. . .it's me.

'I've sort of gone travelling.

'I met these people and we're travelling together'

but, erm, I'm fine. And I'll call you later.

Love you. Bye.

Oi, Mutt and Jeff! Over 'ere!

'Security check cleared.' No, something's wrong!

I can taste it.

A tiny little shift in the information.

Someone down there shouldn't be here.

Double check.

Triple check.

Follow them.

Now everybody behave, we have a management inspection. How d'you want it, by the book?

Right from scratch, thanks.

OK. So! Ladies, gentlemen, multisex, undecided or robot,

my name is Cathica Santini Khadeni.

That's Cathica with a C, in case you want to write to Floor 500, praising me. And please do.

Now, please feel free to ask any questions.

The process of news gathering must be open, honest and beyond bias.

That's company policy.

Actually, erm, it's the law.

Yes, thank you, Suki.

OK, keep it calm.

Don't show off for the guests.

Here we go.

And. . .

engage safety.

And three. . .

two. . .and spike!

Compressed information.

Streaming into her!

Reports from every city, every country, every planet,

and they all get packaged inside her head.

She becomes part of the software.

Her brain IS the computer!

If it all goes through her, she must be a genius.

Nah, she wouldn't remember any of it. There's too much. Her head'd blow up!

The brain's the processor.

Soon as it closes, she forgets.

What about these people round the edge?

They've all got tiny little chips in their head, connecting them to her. And they transmit.

600 channels. Every single fact in the Empire beams out of this place.

Now that's what I call power.

'Analysis confirmed. Security breach.'

I knew it! Which one?

It's someone inside that room, which one?

'Isolating breach.'

Come on. Show me! Who is it?

You all right? I can see her brain.

D'you wanna get out? No, but this. . .

this technology, it's. . . amazing.

This technology's wrong.

Trouble?

Oh, yeah.

That's it! Ho, ho, ho, yes!

She's the liar! Intercept and scan.

Gotcha!

Come off it, Suki, I wasn't even halfway! What was that for?

Sorry. It must've been a glitch.

Her information's been tampered with.

There's a second biography hidden underneath.

Grrr! Yes, sir. Absolutely, sir.

Yeah, her data was encrypted, so there's no way we could've found her sooner.

Grrr! Yeah, sorry, I. . .yeah, sorry, sir.

Yeah, absolutely.

Get her up here! Now!

Promotion.

Come on, this is it, come on!

Oh, my God, make it me!

Come on, say my name, say my name, say my name!

Promotion for. . .

Suki Macrae Cantrell. Please proceed to floor 500.

I don't believe it! Floor 500!

How the hell did you manage that? I'm above you!

I don't know, I just applied on the off chance.

And they've said yes!

Oh, it's so not fair, I've been applying to Floor 500 for three years!

What's Floor 500?

The walls are made of gold.

Cathica, I'm gonna miss you.

Floor 500! Thank you! I didn't do anything!

You're my lucky charm!

All right, I'll hug anyone!

Come on, it's not that bad.

What? With the. . .the head-thing? !

Yeah, well, she's closed it now.

Yeah, but. . .

It's everything. It freaks me out.

And I just need to. . .

ah, if I could just. . .

cool down. Sort of acclimatise.

How d'you mean?

Maybe I could just go and sit on the observation deck. Would that be all right?