Hollywood Ending

- You know who would be perfect to direct this,

and it kills me to say it,

because I don't relish the idea of working with him,

but my ex-husband.

Val?

Val's perfect.

He's perfect, given this material.

She's right.

This is his kinda story.

Look, I love Val, I love him.

But with all due respect,

he's a raving, incompetent, psychotic.

He's not incompetent.

- They should lock him up and throw away the key.

And please, don't take that the wrong way.

Forget it.

We're gonna wind up $20 million over budget,

and maybe no picture to boot.

That's right.

I did a picture with him when I was at Firestone.

He didn't even finish the movie.

I was there at Firestone.

He had a nervous breakdown.

- Wait a minute, he was under a lot of stress.

We had just broken up.

- Honey, he was fired off a picture

here at Galaxie just before I took over.

They said his demands were outrageous.

He's a perfectionist.

The light had to be perfect.

The sun had to be just right.

He demanded that they replace the leading lady.

He wanted to reshoot the dailies every other day.

He fired the cameraman.

Finally, he came down with shingles.

They shut down the picture

and found another director to finish it.

- You don't have to tell me about that.

I was married to him at the time.

Then you should remember.

That was ten years ago, Hal.

- His best pictures were ten years ago.

Then he became a real artiste you know, they always do.

Look, look.

I am the last person to defend that craziness

because it drove me nuts.

But Val cares about movies,

and he was born to do this material.

- Ellie, what are we discussing here?

Shingles, headaches.

Why open a can of worms?

But he's mellowed.

I'm telling you.

Who better to direct this?

The streets of New York are in his marrow.

Let me just say this, Ruth.

Yes, Ruth.

No way!

God!

What about him?

He's great.

I know we could get him.

Boring.

He'd be safe.

- He'd be a lot more expensive than Val.

- We can put our foot on his neck.

Martin Ruth.

That's true.

Val hasn't worked in a lot of years.

We could make a good deal.

- All you have to do is watch him like a hawk.

- We're gonna lose, we're gonna lose a lot more with Val.

I agree with Ellie.

I think he's the ideal director for this project.

But we're not gonna use him.

Right.

Cause who needs trouble?

- Besides, what makes you think he'd want to work with us,

given all the personal baggage?

- I'm told that he's in no position to be fussy.

I can't stand it here.

What the hell am I doing in Canada?

Lori, they got moose up here.

Moose.

Are moose carnivorous?

- My God, how could you be homesick?

You got there yesterday.

You're coming home tomorrow.

Val?

Val, Val, Val.

We're good to go here.

Waiting on you.

Did my agent call?

Any word on that TV movie?

The interracial abortion, gene-splicing thing?

- I think the TV movie decided to go with Peter Bogdanovich.

Oh, that's great.

That's just great.

You know, I love Peter.

Peter's a beautiful guy.

God bless him.

Val!

Val, the client wants more

overhead coverage of the spray cans.

One minute.

Lori, this is humiliating.

I'm up here shooting a deodorant commercial.

I got two Oscars.

Up here, you don't need Oscars, you need antlers.

Here's a funny script about

two kids in a college fraternity

who invent a machine that

can turn women back into virgins again.

It's very clever.

What's the matter?

You know, when you asked me

to come out here for you, you promised me

that I wasn't just going to be

one of those bright women who finds properties

and goes to lunch 500 times developing them,

and then never gets one made.

Honey, The City That Never Sleeps is green-lit.

That's been your project from day one.

Yeah, sure.

Until I suggest the director.

And then even though you admit he'd be perfect for it,

I get shot down.

- You didn't get shot down, honey.

- I know that that's a risky choice,

but it's an inspired choice.

- I think you're trying to help him because you feel guilty.

Guilty?

Yes.

Why should I feel guilty?

Because I fell in love with you?

I mean, God knows I put enough years in that marriage.

- That's right, you did absolutely nothing wrong honey.

I know.

Nothing.

I brought up his name because,

because he would give you the best movie for that script.

Nobody argued that.

- He's probably so angry he won't even speak to you.

And he's liable to ruin the picture

just to get even with me.

No, you're wrong about that,

I'm telling you, you're wrong.

He would be grateful.

He needs a comeback, and--

- Ellie, this is a very, very expensive film.

It's got solid box-office potential.

He can do it.

- You don't regret leaving him, do you?

You know, one day you look up

and you realize that laughs are not enough.

I can handle him, Hal.

I just got tired of having to all the time.

And then, you know, then I met you.

What are you doing home?

I quit.

No!

Val, not again.

You quit over nothing again?

Not over nothing.

What?

I quit over a big thing.

What?

They fired me.

I thought that was big enough to quit over.

Oh, Val!

That's just great.

- I got the last plane out of Toronto.

Have you ever seen Canada?

Now I know why there's no crime up there.

Boy, I must say,

you don't seem too enthused over seeing me.

Well, can you blame me?

What are you gonna do now?

You're gonna sit around the apartment,

talking about the good old days.

I gotta get a picture.

Boy, somebody's got to take a chance on me.

This is ridiculous.

When you're cold, you're cold.

Fortunately, my business manager

put away enough money before he went to prison

so I could hold out another three weeks, maybe.

Your agent called.

- Hey, you know, if you'd come up there with me,