Nurse Jackie

Previously on "Nurse Jackie"...

Shared custody is fair. Fair is all I want.

Here's what I want. I want to go back

in a fucking time machine before you were a drug addict

and ruined our marriage and fucked up our kids.

Whoa. You work on your boob-grabbing Tourette's situation on your own time.

Dr. Roman to the ER. Dr. Roman to the ER.

Time to go save some lives.

Thanks for coming, Doctor, after I've already stabilized your patient.

Our new chief of the ER... Dr. Ike Prentiss.

What the fuck was that?

Akalitus gives it to some guy who started yesterday?

I'm thinking it's time that I moved out

and got my own place.

I thought for your birthday I'd give you a ride home.

Eddie, thanks. That's sweet.

- Can I take a rain check? - Sure.

Where's the lady?

I have the experience,

the tools, and the resources I need.

I have thought through and prepared myself

for all issues.

I smile and cultivate the smile inside myself.

I can do a superb job.

My smile says yes to my success.

I can do a superb job.

My smile says yes to my success.

Your success is your...

I have to hand it to both of you.

I didn't think we'd get here.

You did great work to find a middle ground.

Yeah, we did a superb job.

- Superb. Really? - Yeah. I mean, look at us.

A week ago we were barely speaking.

Now we're speaking

and have little documents with little tabs.

You need a pen?

No.

Oh, and we have one final piece of business to take care of.

By law and under penalty of perjury,

does either of you have any hidden assets?

Should have disclosed the box

of diamond tiaras under our bed.

And all my gold bullion.

Can you believe we're done?

New car. Hmm.

Take it easy. I got it used.

Jeep still running okay?

Yeah. I'll die before that thing does.

It's a tank.

Oh, you were getting Fi early tomorrow?

She's got math lab at 7:00. She's really struggling.

I don't know why she's having such trouble.

I mean, she likes school. She likes math.

Well, she doesn't like multiplying fractions.

Which means I've got to learn that stuff all over again.

Well, you're better at math than me.

Not saying much.

There's construction on the FDR. You know how to get out of here?

Yeah, I'll figure it out.

Follow me.

I am well respected, appreciated.

And I deserve the love and appreciation...

All right, that's enough of that.

I can do...

Hey.

Hi, baby.

Are you using?

Excuse me?

You heard me. What are you on?

I am not on anything.

You were smiling all morning, then you hit my car.

I should have known it was all an act.

It wasn't an act, Kevin. It was a fucking accident.

I can't believe this.

We should go over there.

Not it. No tag-backs.

Without a mediator, you're a real fucking asshole, you know that?

- What if that were me? - If it were you, I would go over.

- You're easy. - I don't know what you're upset about.

I am upset because you are standing here screaming at me.

- I am not screaming. - Okay, then you're standing there

being a real asshole very loudly.

I'm going. I'm going in.

- Oh, I can't believe it. - You can't believe it?

Yes, it was a fucking accident, Kevin.

I am the one in the hospital.

You're always at the goddamn hospital.

When I woke up this morning, I told myself

you get up, you get through this meeting,

and then you can drive away from her.

That's all I wanted, to drive away.

Really? Because you asked me to follow you.

Oh, good. Here we all are.

Together again.

Hello.

There is a police officer waiting in admitting

to finish an accident report.

Unless you would like to stay with your...

Jackie.

No, she's on her own.

Ahem.

Name?

No.

Please? Please? This is invaluable.

This is, like, Steve Jobs shopping at the Apple Store.

Think how much we can all learn.

Age?

Give me that chart.

And this better just be fluids.

It is. You were super dehydrated.

Your air bag knocked you out for 20 minutes.

Zoey, I have whiplash and I have a bruised rib.

Discharge me, please.

I can't do that.

Oh, so I'm waiting? Really? I'm gonna wait...

I'm waiting for a doctor?

Yes.

And everyone's a little scared of you.

So maybe a little less...

A little more...

May I?

Three more seconds. I know you know that.

I just want you to be comfortable.

You can ask me for anything.

Beep.

98.6.

Normal.

- Vitals are good. - I know.

Everything that everyone is saying, I know.

I'm gonna have Zoey take your blood pressure again. You can do better than this.

Look, can you be a nurse for a second and forget about my blood pressure?

Will you draw my blood and send it to Kevin, please?

Can't legally send plasma through the mail.

Take it. I am serious.

I am almost 10 months sober.

The longest 10 months of my entire life.

What happened? Why is he...

Because I hit him with my car on our way out of the lawyer's office.

What, that means I'm high?

You don't have to prove anything.

Well, apparently I do. Every time I screw something up,

I have to prove I'm clean all over again.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tourniquet. Tourniquet.

I'm gonna need a doctor to clear you

before you're back on the floor.

I cannot sit here and watch everyone else do my job.

I am losing my mind. Fuck!

Really? Really?

Nurses are the worst goddamn patients.

You know what? I'm saying if you're wearing shoes,

I don't want to see your individual toes.

I agree. Never.

- Well, never say never. - I will say never.

I will say I would rather sleep with a woman than wear athletic toe shoes.

Don't move.

I'm sorry. Did you just hide from another man behind me?

I did. I appreciate it.

I'll get the gum.

Sir, for his gum.

- Thank you. - Fresh breath for all.

All right, buddy. You get to hang here

'cause the guys in CT aren't as efficient as me.

We'll get you up there real soon.

Oh, my God. Thank you.

It's like it doesn't matter how many alarms I set,

my body rejects waking up early.

How did you text me to cover for you if you weren't awake?

I prewrote that text last night just in case.

So I was like, "What? Send."

And then I got two more hours of sleep,

which was amazing because you're amazing.

So amazing.

Ooh, give me one of those.

What? You're mad at me.

- No. - You are.

- You are mad at me. - It's just...

it's been a little crazy. CT's backed up again.

I have three patients who aren't, you know, patient.

Here, you get bay two.

Totally. Bay two, I'm on it.

- Fuck. - No.

Really? Where is Coop? Coop!

Coop, where are you?

Coop!

Okay, almost there.

Shit. How do I get this bed, like, up?

Thor!

Can you make this go away? This thing is a beast.

Sure. Hide behind me,

let me move all your machinery.

I am everyone's giant.

Her heart is made of stone. Write that on her chart.

Oh, my God. You're so funny. Thank you.

Jesus Christ. Write this...

patient presented no signs of internal injuries post-accident.

Then you tell me I might be in a little pain later on so I should take it easy.

Then you sign off so I can get on the floor.

Sold.

I am going to give you something for the pain